Growing Up

Geez, I had no idea that it had been so long since I'd last posted. So much had happened. And yet nothing much has happened. Which really is kinda what life is all about. Life must keep going forward or you become stagnant as a person and I never want to do that.
My munchkins are growing. In some ways way faster than I was expecting. I mean 10 is just too young to have a boyfriend. It is too young to be coming home and telling me she wants to break up with the boyfriend because he is getting 'eerr', he gets aggressive when I speak to other boys and stuff. It is way too young to be coming home to me and telling me he reacted bad when she split up with him, as he went to hit her. 10. Domestic violence at 10. There is no damn way you would ever have convinced me that I would be having discussions with my 10 year old about not letting a boy hit her for what ever reason, and him saying after that he's sorry and still loves her is simply no excuse, (not that he said that but the conversation had to go there).
My mother would be horrified I'm sure, except that she was rather a realist when it came to certain things.
Sure dating for these kids is more a concept and more about who you hang with at lunchtime but for them it has value, it has weight. I just wish it was more childlike than her experience has been.
In some ways she is still so very childish, and I find myself telling her that she has to stop doing things because she is getting older and kids her age don't do that. I'm sure if left to her own devices she'd have still believed in the Easter bunny and Santa.
For all the edge to her, for all her grown up moments there is still something so innocent about her. Yet she is thinking about things I'm sure I never did when I was her age. I mean I came home the other night and she told me she wanted two tattoos (a rose with thorns because life is sometimes hard and hurts, and a tiger because it is fierce and beautiful and she is fierce and beautiful, that is more thought than a lot of adults put into their tattoos), and her tongue pierced. She then went out and had her hair chopped off because she was sick of being treated as the girly girl.
At 10 I was more interested in my books than finding my identity, I suppose that was my identity. I was picked on in school for being smart, she is picked on for being pretty and having hearing aids. Me I retreated into myself, she sets out to make herself into the image of who she wants to be.
Growing up sucks for both parents and kids.

Girls, Women, Healthy Attitudes

My girls are very precious to me and I am trying very hard to make sure they grow up with healthy self-esteems. This may seem like an easy task, to which I would respond sadly with the comment, that you obviously don't have girls. This world we live in is still very male-centric for all we say we have come forward in our thinking and attitudes. Let's face it we shouldn't need to have a white ribbon day where man vow not to abuse, in any way, women.
Now my girls don't have barbies and I prefer Dora as a role model, I don't wear much make up, or fuss muchly about clothes and appearance. I also prefer Keladry of Mindelan to Bella Swan (look it up). I am more about doing it than having it done for me. Ye despite me thinking that this would be a good grounding for them, I still face this problem.
Every week I find times to tell them that they are beautiful no matter what they wear, or it's important to be a good person not just pretty, or that they don't need someone else (a man) to rescue them, or variations on these themes.
My eldest has had several boys chasing her which at her age means flowers - real, letters scratched into a cement verge, and a written letter of proposal - (NB she is 8). She has said to us that she doesn't want to go out with any of these boys because she doesn't love them. YAY! her. I told her that was fine.
Recently both of them were playing princess's trapped in towers and asked me to find a prince to rescue them. I asked why they couldn't rescue themselves. My youngest decided that if this was an option she would be happy to do that. A choice that made me very happy.
Now I'm not a huge feminist or anything like that but I'm seeing a disturbing trend in young relationships where girls figure they have to be dependant on guys. Then there is all the other stuff to do with how women are portrayed and marketed to, what they get from friends, school and music. Yes even seemingly harmless things like the disney princess can send messages you may not realise they are sending, about needing an relationship for happily ever after and so on. I'm even thinking about getting copies of the original fairy tales so my girls can get the stories as they were not as they've been doctored to be. You know were Ariel dies because the prince is so damn fickle, she sacrifices everything for nothing. Now I like the disney movies and I  even like a couple of the princesses Belle is my favourite, she refuses Gaston and sacrifices for her father.
My task with my girls is on going. The way is to find ways to get my girls thinking outside the apparent ingrained ways of society and that is something I need to remember and not become complacent about.

Some New Statistics

I heard some disturbing statistics from a survey today. Apparently 1 in 3 boys thinks it is okay to hit a girl and 1 in 4, 12-20 yr olds, has seen violence in the home.
It seems that the government’s campaign of ‘it is never okay’ was not a success.
So how is it we find ourselves living in a society with such statistics? We are supposedly civilized.
So with this in mind I have a few questions.
Where are the men who stand up and say to the boys that that kind of behavior is unacceptable?
Why do some men think violence is an acceptable solution?
What has happened to acting with honor and respect?
As my husband pointed out though, violence isn’t the exclusive property of males, more and more females are using it on each other and on men. So what are these statistics and why are these females under the impression that this kind of behavior is acceptable?
Is this behavior somehow tied to the apparent growth of selfishness and greed (I, me, mine) I see around me and the rise of laying the blame elsewhere (lack of accountability and acceptance of consequences)?
Is it a result of family and community breakdown that sees parents not wanting to have anything to do with the kids, or using the children against each other, or even carrying on in ways that indicate the children’s feelings simply don’t count?
Is it because we push adult concepts and responsibilities on children and don’t allow them to just be kids?
Is there even a solution?