The Nerd In Me Is Doomed

Things just seem to have crossed my path this week that beg to be blogged about. The Vatican, the state of Australian politics, the arts scene in WA. The one though I really want to focus on is the Westboro Baptist Church. You may or may not have heard of these people and I should clarify they aren't affiliated with the Baptist Churches organisation.

These people protest at funerals of US soldiers because they died fighting for a country that defends gays. They are obviously anti-gay amongst other things, and ridiculously narrow minded. It seems they are only happy when picking on someone.

Now they have turned their attention to the geeks of this world. They have issued a statement about how nerds, especially those who read comic books are idolatrous - worshipping at the altar of Batman and Green Lantern.

"It is time to put away the silly vanities and turn to God like you mean it. The destruction of this nation is imminent - so start calling on Batman and Superman now, see if they can pull you from the mess that you have created with all your silly idolatry."

This just goes to show how out of touch some people can be and it certainly opens the door to many a joke or jibe about God being a made up figure. Now I know faith gets far more bad press than good and I have no doubt that won't change. Good doesn't equate to good ratings and more it seems we prefer stories that make others appear to be less than what we are.

Thing is the simple fact these people profess to believe in the same God I do is simply embarrassing. (Even though I'm sure there are those out there who find me embarrassing).

The difference is I don't preach hate. Can they not see how destructive hate is, how corrupting? Hate pulls down and tears apart.

On a final note I would like to add I know many who read comics, I've been known to read a few and I don't think God hates me because of it. I'd also like to point out that those I know who are comic readers are under no impression that Batman is real...Deadpool maybe. Anyway it makes me

wonder who is more able to recognise reality - those claiming the nerds are bad because they want Batman to save them, or those who know he is just a fictional character.

To read the statement you can find it here

http://www.asylum.com/2010/07/16/westboro-baptist-church-picket-comic-con/?sms_ss=facebook

Ooops

Well I'm sorry to say I ran out of time on the weekend to blog and there are several topics I could get my teeth into. Thing is though right now I am concentrating on editing my 91000 word manuscript and I have to have it done by mid August. I'm sure I won't miss all these weeks and I'm sure something will get me fired up enough to rant about. So for now I hope you forgive this weeks brief and uninteresting addition.

Talking To God

I was talking to God today, yes I still do that, and in the course of the conversation I felt Him tell me that what I had to do was be happy. This may sound silly but bear with me. It was like He was saying ‘I made you who you are, I gave you the gifts and skills, it isn’t necessary to me that you struggle to fit into the mould the church wants you to. It isn’t your fault if they won’t or can’t stretch to embrace the opportunity.’ That isn’t a direct quote but it was the gist.

It gave me permission to let go of some of those things I’ve been holding onto, including the belief that I’d been given these passions for a reason and somehow the church must be tied up in that.

We also talked about failure, or I did. How in many ways I feel like a failure because so many things I want to achieve, I haven’t. When I was younger I wrote a list of things I wanted to do: countries I wanted to visit – some I have; seeing a show in the West End – I saw five; owning a pair of 501’s – did that and loved them.

Now there are so many other things I want to do and can't seem to, or at least haven’t yet, I’m still working on them. If nothing else I’ve discovered that I’m very persistent.

So then we get onto what is and isn’t failure. For me there is so much I want – I want to act professionally and I want to write professionally. I want to set up trust funds and finance other things, and before you say I can still help with those things by getting involved in other ways, I know myself well enough to know I may not be the best person for that part of things – I’m too impatient and blunt.

God however views things differently. For me the fact our first production didn’t break even, even when we were doing what we truly believed God wanted us to be doing, meant it was a failure. I won’t deny the learning curve was great and to an extent worth it, but still how do you class that as success. God however sees the fact we stepped out when he asked. And in little ways we’ve kept stepping out and for me the slap backs, rejections and disappointments equate to failure. God however sees the faith in the step.

The cynical part of me wonders how and why I should keep holding onto the dream, keep talking to God when we’ve fallen so many times. I see facebook friends post status updates like ‘I want things to happen for me, I’ve made good choices and want to reap a harvest because I’ve put God first’, and the first thing I think is…well that has never worked for me.

No-one cautions that it may not happen. That change may not make it easier. Sometimes they say God’s timing is perfect and His vision may be different to ours, that’s as close as they get to saying – sometimes God wants to take you through the fire again and again.

So yes I feel I’d like a break from the fires God. I want my words to touch many. I want people to see what I can do with a character and value it. You know though – here in the crucible it may hurt and be frustrating beyond measure but it’s here that I have my family. It’s here I stand, feet dug in, sweat, tears and blood dripping, shouting into the wind ‘Is that all you’ve got?’

I will not give up. I may feel like it but I won’t and those who love me won’t let me.

God sees me stand, He sees the tears and sees me get back up when I am down, for me this may be stubborn determination but for Him that is success.

Dammit if my words help just one person to get back on their feet. To not give up on Him because it’s not turned out like they were told it would or hoped it would. If one person realises they aren’t alone and pain is no cause to give up. If just one person is encouraged, then really I should, too, view it as a success.

So to conclude, in the words of two favourite shows:

Never give up, never surrender

If you can’t walk, you crawl, and if you can’t crawl…if you can’t do that anymore you find someone to carry you.

Take heart, you may be walking the narrow road and sometimes that is damn hard but at least you aren’t on it alone.

Happy Birthday To Me

Another week, another year. Birthdays sometimes give us cause to think. They give me cause to think because I'm still not where I want to be and as far as my performing hopes go, this year has been harsh. It makes me wonder how long I can hold onto the words of encouragement from my past. should I still be holding on nearly 15 years later or is it time to move on from those hopes. In the past I haven't been very good at moving past them but I do find myself again wondering if I should try.

Focusing on my writing is proving a little more ego friendly but I'm aiming for financially friendly and I've been writing longer than acting. If I've learnt anything from the times I've tried to give up before it's that I am most happy when I am being creative, so I guess no matter how low I get I will keep on keeping on. It's what I do.

Love you all and may this year be a blessed one for you.

Oh and I'm keeping this short because I have a writing deadline, wish me luck or pray for favour this is something I really want. Next week I'll probably be back to my usual wordy self, my first deadline will have passed and there will be nothing high pressure I can do until I get notified of if I am selected.

Our Little Girls

My seven year old went to a school dance the other night, once she was dressed up with hair and makeup I took a picture and she totally didn’t look seven any more. She has the rib sticking out skinniness of the supermodel yet she eats and junk too. However she has never been a big eater, always a bit fussy.

Food is one of the things we are working on, this isn’t where I was planning on going with this blog though. Where I wanted to go was here…

She was wearing the same dress she’d worn to the previous dance, long skirt, halter-neck top with a v neck line. Last time she looked sweet and this time she looked like a mini model. Last time her hair and makeup wouldn’t have been so elaborate and it surprised me that such a small change made so much difference. There wasn’t anything particularly tarty about either addition. Her hair was braided into a reverse ponytail with two skinny side braids, and she had on eye liner and mascara (which I wouldn’t have done) and glitter shadow and spray (which I would have).

She was staying at a friends, whose mother is a hairdresser and beautician. I couldn’t do the hair and makeup as skilfully I admit but I just couldn’t get over how different the dress and she looked this time around. Which really is just a long lead into my rant on the sexualization of our children.

A picture appeared in the paper the other day of a nine year old dressed like…well lets just say I was wondering what on earth her parents were thinking when they let her leave the house. I can walk through the children’s department and find bras for kids my daughters age. They serve no purpose other than to encourage the child to think they are older or need to be older and more developed.

Our children watch video clips and think they need to be able to imitate those women to be attractive.

By the time my eldest was five she was asking for jewellery, make up and heels so she would look beautiful. It’s a constant effort to convince her that none of those things are of true value. Now for those of you who don’t know me I wear very little makeup only when I’m on stage or going out. My hubby tells me all the time I look good no matter what I’m wearing, so that’s not where the idea is coming from either.

Are the examples our children are surrounded by, so much influenced by the idea that beauty is a skinny, skimpily clad, heavily made-up woman? Is that how we want our girls to grow? I certainly don’t. I was very proud when my daughter came to me and said she wanted to take the picture I was talking about to school to talk about for news. She said she wanted to say it was inappropriate for a girl her age to be dressed like that. Of course she couldn’t really explain what she meant by that but at least it’s a start and at least she’s listening to me when I tell her some things just aren’t for her.

I want my girls to enjoy being young and having the ability to wear whatever and go running and climbing and getting dirty. I want then to realise appearance isn’t the most important thing. That attractiveness isn’t based on the person who wears the least amount of fabric. And that attracting a boys attention isn’t something they need to be thinking about at the moment, boys do not complete them.

Dora is one of my favourite kids cartoons because she has short hair, wears shorts, goes exploring, plays games where she is a doctor and so on, and she is bi-lingual. They tried at one point to girly her up and a lot of mothers weren’t impressed. It’s very hard for us to find role models acceptable for our young girls.

Myley Cyrus/Hannah Montana is desperately trying to shed her Disney image and she is only following in the steps of others. The wholesome, smart, girl simply isn’t something they want to keep the image of. Bring me girls who are adventurous and smart, girls who want to grow into women who want to do something with their lives.

We’ve come a long way from the days where a female’s options were very limited, and yet still we are obsessed with keeping women looking a certain way. Quite honestly is not the way Julia Gillard got the post of PM more important than the fact she is a red head, or what her hairstyles have been over the years? I’m frustrated. I want my girls to have a balanced outlook. I want them to not be limited by their gender and I want them not to buy into the rubbish that how you look is what matters most. I’m just not sure how effective I can be when so much of what is thrown at our children in marketing and things skews the other way.

‘No honey you are seven you totally don’t need a matching bra and bikini briefs set’.

To Church Or Not To Church

The other day someone wondered why I was considering leaving the church, and I ended up writing a rather lengthy response. I think it is well worth repeating my thoughts with a few additions here.

For me it's a culmination of many things. Repetitive services designed to be user friendly, they say if you want depth you'll attend a small group (it hasn't even been particularly relative to church size), if you can't do that because you have other commitments then too bad. Being used, hubby is a muso and if you say you'll help once or for a number of weeks it's assumed you will continue to, they may know he gets 2 or 3 hrs sleep before rocking up early to practice etc but they never understood that it meant he spends very little of sunday with his family. The assumption that I'm a mother so I'll be eager to help out in kids, to be honest I find other peoples kids a bit annoying at times. I struggle with the formulaic structure of the service - sing, communion, news, money, sermon, alter call. I understand the need for it but in many ways things have become so structured they are no longer fluid.

I designed a worship service once, based around the need for the musos to have a rest and have had it dismissed saying some of it may be useable - I think it was mostly because it was very different and contemplative, also there was no place for most of the usual structure. I won't deny it hurt to have it rejected, it was something I had put a lot of thought and prayer into but I've found that creative ministry simply isn't that creative, it has to fit into a very limited scope and if you suggest anything outside that it's not even really considered. For me as a creative person the end result has been why would I want to use my skills for church, church does so much in my field badly and I don't want to do that.

As for fellow-shipping outside church hours, there have been various times we've organised things only to have the church people agree to come and not show up, not even having the decency to call and let us know, or even apologise after the fact.

There's a lot there I know, and it has almost turned into an essay but it is the culmination of events that has bought me/us to this point. I'd like to say I'm not bitter, but neither are the experiences forgotten. We learn from our experiences and if we don't change what we do how can we expect to get different results (I forget who said that). So using this logic would I not be better off finding an alternative to organised religion?

There were plenty of responses and I have to say much encouragement. I enjoy the interaction with these people as they encourage me to think, and to push through. For me this interaction is invaluable. Where I struggle with the more traditional idea of church it's people like these, some of whom have been through or are going through similar valleys, that keep me going.

It's so important to realise that sometimes it's the small things, like being honest about what you feel, think or struggle with, that make it possible for others to come along side and remind you that your feelings or experiences aren't wrong, they just are. We all have our own road to travel and it's often the people that come alongside us as we do that give the journey it's value.

It goes back to that old saying, 'it's not the destination but the journey that matters'.

Hang in there, whoever you maybe, and know we can all do with a helping hand sometimes.

My Thoughts, End Times

I believe it’s time for me to start thinking again. What do I mean by that? Well my last few entries have all been from my holiday, it’s been a while since I’ve applied myself to something deeper, more explosive or faith based.

I think I’ll talk a little about something that fits into the latter category.

The other day hubby got a forwarded e-mail about the end times. It started with the preacher who wrote the original article saying he had believed the end of the world would be in 2009 and God told him it was meant to be but He had delayed it for ‘a twinkling of an eye’.

The feelings this pulled from me weren’t great. I don’t want the world to end, sure I’m not exactly where I want to be but there is still so much I want to do, not least of all watch my children grow up.

End time stuff, is to my way of thinking, an odd thing to be focussed on. This preacher was convinced he knew the time, but how many times does he have to be wrong before people stop listening to you.

Also is it really living if you are totally focussed on heaven? Why do people want to know when? Why not just work on living the best you can in the present?

Of course it is possible that part of my problem is rooted in the problems I have with my faith. How can I look forward to going to heaven when I don’t even look forward to going to church? How can I believe heaven will be exciting and life as it was always meant to be lived, when I find church boring and myself not totally accepted because my idea of using my abilities doesn’t seem to gel with any churches idea?

Of course there are things I would look forward to. Who would not want to spend time with great creative minds like CS Lewis, Tolkien, Fanny Cosby and Ted Dekker. (though I have no place to judge who has/hasn’t, will/won’t make it to heaven). Or talking to men and women who stood, believed and influenced their corners of the world.

I still believe I have faith I just no longer know what to call it. I’m not non-practicing in that I still pray and meditate on God, but if I’m totally truthful I’d have to say God is not the most important thing in my life, so I’m not really sure where that leaves me.