Update

Well it's been a couple of weeks since I last posted. I have been really busy, mostly editing my novel. Which I have now submitted and feel at somewhat of a loss. There are a few things I may want to blog about but at the moment none spring to mind.

My week was mostly good but then Friday it went to crap. So my plans to actually blog about something of substance have gone out the window as I allow myself time to celebrate making it through the first round of cuts in the manuscript competition. And of course catch up on some reading. This weekend I've already finished the first of Michael Pryor's Laws of Magic, and Robert Muchamore's Shadow Wave, and I've started Suzanne Collins' Mockingjay.

I also have a one act play to learn by tomorrow and a short monologue. Hmmm. Shouldn't be a problem though.

My other plans for this down time include more reading (obviously) I have a pile of books to get through that seems to get bigger by the week. Also, the up-coming One Act season. Taxes. Oh and sitting in on writing sessions of lyrics with the guys.

Today I got to sleep in and sort out a few idea's for kids books and my second Evayn novel.

So all up I've got plenty to keep me busy. I will soon write a blog that is more than simply an update.

Taking Out Religion

Think of it this way, it’s not about blind hope in a deity, rather an understanding of how life works and your place in it.

This is a sentence I wrote after I decided to take religion out of my novel. As I wrote it I questioned how that statement stacked up against my beliefs. On the surface you probably think it doesn’t. Yes I am aware it sounds rather new agey. I think though this statement has come out of my struggle with churchianity.

Yes it is easier in some ways to keep your faith going when you are plugged in to a church but here is the question; is that living, understanding and growing your relationship or is it merely existing – adhering to the parameters put in place by those who run the institution you choose to worship at?

I get how these thoughts in my mind can be confusing, believe me I live with them. So let me break it down a little.

I find services to be uber structured. Yes I understand the need for structure, but if the structure is too rigid then there isn’t a lot of room for God to move. I’ve been in some awesome services where music has opened the floodgates from heaven just not so much recently. Just when I feel on the brink the service moves on and we go to church news or communion.

Now communion should, you might think, not disrupt the flow. For me though I have found it has very little depth in any service any more. As much as the way it was done when I was a kid was very ritualistic, it had far more gravity. Two minutes to think ‘thank you God for saving me’ doesn’t give anyone the chance to truly meditate on the concept that you’re not supposed to come to communion with anything against anyone. Let alone consider and meditate on the breadth and depth of the sacrifice made to make it possible for us to communicate with God personally.

Moving on, we have news, and tithes and offerings. A giving Sunday I attended recently included the plea to give to these charity things we are helping with, oh and we need many times more than that for the new building we want. This conflicts me in a way. I know churches cost money to run but at the same time…

Then there is the sermon. I have gone to church for as long as I can remember and so many sermons are repetitions of what I have heard before. Often these sermons are on a very limited range of topics as well. So I ask are things kept simple only because of new people or is it also to keep our faith simple?

All I know is I find church doesn’t do for me what it used to. My conclusion…I need to feed myself. The early church, I imagine, spent a lot of time talking to each other. They met in houses and they talked. That is what I tend to be doing now. Talking. Not in specific meetings but with others, online and when I catch up with them, friends. In amongst a lot of sad stories we find golden nuggets of truth that help us. Little things that buoy our spirits, help us through and give us the wisdom we seek for our lives.

So all this comes down to understanding life, the way it works, how faith weaves through it and finding out our place in it. So my original statement is not as far from faith as it may have originally seemed.

Quick Update

Well hello lovely people. I didn't post last week because for the first time in years hubby had a saturday off so I threw a late surprise birthday party for him. It was really great to catch up with friends.

This week I have something written, just not yet on my computer, thing is I really need to get my editing done. I have about 110 pages left and need to get it done this week. So things should be back to normal soon. I promise. Some interesting things are happening. Hubby wants to get back into writing worship amongst other things so stay tuned for upcoming updates.

Also I start rehearsals this week. Life is busy...crazy, and we're facing it head on. Got to go and I love you lot. Stay strong.

The Nerd In Me Is Doomed

Things just seem to have crossed my path this week that beg to be blogged about. The Vatican, the state of Australian politics, the arts scene in WA. The one though I really want to focus on is the Westboro Baptist Church. You may or may not have heard of these people and I should clarify they aren't affiliated with the Baptist Churches organisation.

These people protest at funerals of US soldiers because they died fighting for a country that defends gays. They are obviously anti-gay amongst other things, and ridiculously narrow minded. It seems they are only happy when picking on someone.

Now they have turned their attention to the geeks of this world. They have issued a statement about how nerds, especially those who read comic books are idolatrous - worshipping at the altar of Batman and Green Lantern.

"It is time to put away the silly vanities and turn to God like you mean it. The destruction of this nation is imminent - so start calling on Batman and Superman now, see if they can pull you from the mess that you have created with all your silly idolatry."

This just goes to show how out of touch some people can be and it certainly opens the door to many a joke or jibe about God being a made up figure. Now I know faith gets far more bad press than good and I have no doubt that won't change. Good doesn't equate to good ratings and more it seems we prefer stories that make others appear to be less than what we are.

Thing is the simple fact these people profess to believe in the same God I do is simply embarrassing. (Even though I'm sure there are those out there who find me embarrassing).

The difference is I don't preach hate. Can they not see how destructive hate is, how corrupting? Hate pulls down and tears apart.

On a final note I would like to add I know many who read comics, I've been known to read a few and I don't think God hates me because of it. I'd also like to point out that those I know who are comic readers are under no impression that Batman is real...Deadpool maybe. Anyway it makes me

wonder who is more able to recognise reality - those claiming the nerds are bad because they want Batman to save them, or those who know he is just a fictional character.

To read the statement you can find it here

http://www.asylum.com/2010/07/16/westboro-baptist-church-picket-comic-con/?sms_ss=facebook

Ooops

Well I'm sorry to say I ran out of time on the weekend to blog and there are several topics I could get my teeth into. Thing is though right now I am concentrating on editing my 91000 word manuscript and I have to have it done by mid August. I'm sure I won't miss all these weeks and I'm sure something will get me fired up enough to rant about. So for now I hope you forgive this weeks brief and uninteresting addition.

Talking To God

I was talking to God today, yes I still do that, and in the course of the conversation I felt Him tell me that what I had to do was be happy. This may sound silly but bear with me. It was like He was saying ‘I made you who you are, I gave you the gifts and skills, it isn’t necessary to me that you struggle to fit into the mould the church wants you to. It isn’t your fault if they won’t or can’t stretch to embrace the opportunity.’ That isn’t a direct quote but it was the gist.

It gave me permission to let go of some of those things I’ve been holding onto, including the belief that I’d been given these passions for a reason and somehow the church must be tied up in that.

We also talked about failure, or I did. How in many ways I feel like a failure because so many things I want to achieve, I haven’t. When I was younger I wrote a list of things I wanted to do: countries I wanted to visit – some I have; seeing a show in the West End – I saw five; owning a pair of 501’s – did that and loved them.

Now there are so many other things I want to do and can't seem to, or at least haven’t yet, I’m still working on them. If nothing else I’ve discovered that I’m very persistent.

So then we get onto what is and isn’t failure. For me there is so much I want – I want to act professionally and I want to write professionally. I want to set up trust funds and finance other things, and before you say I can still help with those things by getting involved in other ways, I know myself well enough to know I may not be the best person for that part of things – I’m too impatient and blunt.

God however views things differently. For me the fact our first production didn’t break even, even when we were doing what we truly believed God wanted us to be doing, meant it was a failure. I won’t deny the learning curve was great and to an extent worth it, but still how do you class that as success. God however sees the fact we stepped out when he asked. And in little ways we’ve kept stepping out and for me the slap backs, rejections and disappointments equate to failure. God however sees the faith in the step.

The cynical part of me wonders how and why I should keep holding onto the dream, keep talking to God when we’ve fallen so many times. I see facebook friends post status updates like ‘I want things to happen for me, I’ve made good choices and want to reap a harvest because I’ve put God first’, and the first thing I think is…well that has never worked for me.

No-one cautions that it may not happen. That change may not make it easier. Sometimes they say God’s timing is perfect and His vision may be different to ours, that’s as close as they get to saying – sometimes God wants to take you through the fire again and again.

So yes I feel I’d like a break from the fires God. I want my words to touch many. I want people to see what I can do with a character and value it. You know though – here in the crucible it may hurt and be frustrating beyond measure but it’s here that I have my family. It’s here I stand, feet dug in, sweat, tears and blood dripping, shouting into the wind ‘Is that all you’ve got?’

I will not give up. I may feel like it but I won’t and those who love me won’t let me.

God sees me stand, He sees the tears and sees me get back up when I am down, for me this may be stubborn determination but for Him that is success.

Dammit if my words help just one person to get back on their feet. To not give up on Him because it’s not turned out like they were told it would or hoped it would. If one person realises they aren’t alone and pain is no cause to give up. If just one person is encouraged, then really I should, too, view it as a success.

So to conclude, in the words of two favourite shows:

Never give up, never surrender

If you can’t walk, you crawl, and if you can’t crawl…if you can’t do that anymore you find someone to carry you.

Take heart, you may be walking the narrow road and sometimes that is damn hard but at least you aren’t on it alone.

Happy Birthday To Me

Another week, another year. Birthdays sometimes give us cause to think. They give me cause to think because I'm still not where I want to be and as far as my performing hopes go, this year has been harsh. It makes me wonder how long I can hold onto the words of encouragement from my past. should I still be holding on nearly 15 years later or is it time to move on from those hopes. In the past I haven't been very good at moving past them but I do find myself again wondering if I should try.

Focusing on my writing is proving a little more ego friendly but I'm aiming for financially friendly and I've been writing longer than acting. If I've learnt anything from the times I've tried to give up before it's that I am most happy when I am being creative, so I guess no matter how low I get I will keep on keeping on. It's what I do.

Love you all and may this year be a blessed one for you.

Oh and I'm keeping this short because I have a writing deadline, wish me luck or pray for favour this is something I really want. Next week I'll probably be back to my usual wordy self, my first deadline will have passed and there will be nothing high pressure I can do until I get notified of if I am selected.