Some New Statistics

I heard some disturbing statistics from a survey today. Apparently 1 in 3 boys thinks it is okay to hit a girl and 1 in 4, 12-20 yr olds, has seen violence in the home.
It seems that the government’s campaign of ‘it is never okay’ was not a success.
So how is it we find ourselves living in a society with such statistics? We are supposedly civilized.
So with this in mind I have a few questions.
Where are the men who stand up and say to the boys that that kind of behavior is unacceptable?
Why do some men think violence is an acceptable solution?
What has happened to acting with honor and respect?
As my husband pointed out though, violence isn’t the exclusive property of males, more and more females are using it on each other and on men. So what are these statistics and why are these females under the impression that this kind of behavior is acceptable?
Is this behavior somehow tied to the apparent growth of selfishness and greed (I, me, mine) I see around me and the rise of laying the blame elsewhere (lack of accountability and acceptance of consequences)?
Is it a result of family and community breakdown that sees parents not wanting to have anything to do with the kids, or using the children against each other, or even carrying on in ways that indicate the children’s feelings simply don’t count?
Is it because we push adult concepts and responsibilities on children and don’t allow them to just be kids?
Is there even a solution?

A Question

Maybe someone who is a far better Christian than me can explain something to me.
I know a girl. She’s divorced, a single mum, with a bunch of hang ups that anyone could have. I know a guy, divorced, barely sees his kid except when it suits him. Unfortunately this description fits several friends of mine and even more women I know. However this isn’t what I need to have explained.
Here are further details. The guy was emotionally and physically abusive in the marriage. He puts himself first, is manipulative and not so good at paying child support. Still this describes too many people.
Now this girl’s father is talking to the ex nicely, seeking him out even and telling his daughter that it is the Christian thing to do in order to show the guy forgiveness. You know what he hasn’t done? This father hasn’t once gone up to this guy and taken him to task about the way he treated his daughter, is still treating her, or his grandkid.
This girl is confused. She wants a man to stand for her, to say that the way she’s been treated is wrong, I say that but it’s not the same, and I’m not trying to be sexist or anything. Instead she tries to push those feelings aside and convince herself that those feelings are selfish and vengeful. (Not her exact words but my interpretation).
I understand her desire; what’s more I’d feel the same way.
People say that having a word with this ex, is a waste of time because he won’t listen. Any one ever think that he doesn’t listen because no-one has ever made him listen?
I’m certain my rough as guts dad, who isn’t without his faults, would have some choice words to say if it was an ex in my life, of course he’d probably have some choice words for me too, but at least he’d stand up for me.
So here’s what I want explained. Where is the line between showing forgiveness and standing for those who can’t stand for themselves? Where should the priority be – the hurting daughter or the selfish ex-son-in-law?
Believe me I have a few choice words burning to get out. And I have to wonder if ‘turning the other cheek’ and ‘vengeance is mine said the Lord’ has turned us all into a bunch of people more interested in keeping the status quo than standing for what is right.
I am reminded of Nicely Nicely’s dream – “Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down you’re rocking the boat”.

Stepping Out

At the moment my faith isn’t easy. Don’t get me wrong, believing in God hasn’t gotten harder but doing what I know to be right is a little tough. After my accident I knew the right thing to do was stop working. So many people cautioned me against it. But I knew it was what I had to do. In part because it’s not the first time God has told me to leave a job. The first time around I thought I couldn’t possibly be hearing God but because I didn’t do it, I went from being a valued employee to not having a job in the space of a week.
This time I listened.
To truly understand what that meant you need to realize that my income was our safety net, sure we got a few luxuries but more often than not it was how the bills got met every month. Stopping work didn’t just mean I couldn’t buy any more dvd’s, it was however, the right thing to do.
The thing is that often when we step out of the boat we expect God to smooth the water and make it solid so everything will be fine and it will be like walking on dry land. In my experience that is not the case. Right at the moment I am out of the boat and far from the water being still and solid, it is instead, seeming as if it is being churned up and a storm is raging.
My husband changed to what was supposed to be (and started off as) a better paying job, and certain positive things happened in regards to my writing. Then just as we think the water isn’t too soft – work slows right down, things stop working and the gales of life start buffeting us again.
Money is tight, someone who was supposed to be a friend stabbed my hubby so thoroughly in the back that I’m sure that relationship is over, I found out something not so great and my phone got cut off. I still know what we chose was the right thing to do but right now I feel as though I am balancing on a high-wire over a very deep canyon and there is no safety net.
I’m not whining, or at least I’m trying not to, and I’m trying to avoid the pity party train. I just wonder why we tend to think God only asks us to do things that will make our lives easier, short and long term?

Thankful

I’ve been thinking of doing this for a few days now, and somehow things keep coming up, so now I’ve put everything else aside and I’m doing ten things that I am thankful for.
I think this kind of thing is good for the soul; it helps us evaluate and even recalibrate our attitude to our lives.

I am thankful for…

1. An active mind and body and I am capable of exercising both (though I probably do body less)

2. A husband whom I love and who loves and understands me, even though we frustrate each other at times

3. A five year old who is amazing, who learns, loves, teaches me (apparently thunder is God dancing) and is an awesome helper and big sister

4. A toddler who is a wonder and a joy (most of the time – we are starting tantrum season)

5. The knowledge, that even in the darkness of the valley, God is near, encouraging me on. I may not know the way but He does

6. The gifts God has bestowed on me, although they can prove frustrating at times

7. Friends both near and far who inspire, encourage, strengthen me, make me think and make me smile

8. The fact that in this economic climate we still have a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs and food on the table

9. Dreams of the future that I cling to even when it seems silly – for they give hope and without hope…?

10. Diane, this is a special thanks to you who gave me my fist blog award, you do all those things in No. seven, thanks for your friendship

One Thing I Keep Working On

Today we had to take our eldest to the hospital, nothing big, just a routine checkup of her hearing loss. Thing is I hate the children's hospital I hate the waiting, I hate the fact they have a huge flat screen tv on the wall in the waiting room but it's not on. I hate that we wait for an hour for a five minute appointment.

Today was not a good day for me. Several things went wrong before we even got to the hospital and I am the sort of person that likes things to go to plan. Then we had to see the audiologist, even though she sees one somewhere else, before we even got in the cue for the Dr. The audiologist then wanted me out of the testing room because my baby wasn't silent, and she wasn't happy with me waiting outside the room in the corridor either.

I got crappy with her. I could have just agreed nicely knowing my daughter wasn't likely to like it too much, but no I had to get grumpy. The only problem is everytime I do this I then have to apologise. It's not even a big battle any more, God doesn't even have to really say anything, it's more like I know the kick in the head is coming so I accept the fact I have to apologise, and I do it. You would think I would know better than to constantly get myself into the same pit, but no, fortunately though the hole is shallower every time.

One day I'm sure I'll walk away from the grumpy response.

A Few Small Words

“You have enough talent to do what you want”.
I have held onto these words for years. They were spoken to me by a director I respected and in my moments of doubt I hold fast to them.

However they aren’t the only words to have had a big impact on my life. More of those in a moment.

Last night I was feeling down. Questioning myself, questioning my ability as a writer, as an actor; questioning whether I’m someone anyone would actually like to be friends with. That may seem silly given my determination to pursue my dreams then again, given that I haven’t yet achieved financial success in either of those areas, maybe not. Not that I’m going to give up just yet.

So anyway back to those words. While I was trying to work my way out from the mire that can so easily pull me down, I was hit by a revelation.

I was once told…
“You do realize you are prickly, difficult to get to know, and that people find it hard to get close to you.” Or words to that effect.

Add to those words these facts : The tone was, I felt, one of - I was the one who needed to change to fit in with this group of people; the message was about how I fit with the women but was being relayed by men; these men were ministers, leaders in a church environment – surely it was there job to encourage and support me not tear me down.

Is it any wonder I still struggle with who I am? Is it any wonder I struggle with the institution of the church?

These people wanted me to fit in with them, to toe the party line. They wanted me to fit in with the status quo. I’m not really sure what I did to warrant their response, I suppose it had something to do with the fact that the women’s activities didn’t really appeal to me; that if I thought something was crap I’d generally say so; that there are times I don’t do surface well; and I don’t like wasting my time.

Whatever the reason/s, these are words that have never really left me. I remember them often but used to consider them annoying more than damaging. How wrong was I? People who were supposed to be friends basically told me that for anyone to like me I had to change who I was. Is it any wonder I get worried about if people will like me?

By no means am I perfect, I know sometimes people don’t appreciate brutal honesty, I know I can be tactless and I have some rough edges. I’m working on those, and on keeping my mouth shut. But I am who I am. My likes, desires, talents and interests are all part of the package. I am no more likely to prefer watching “Sex In The City” over “Peter’s Friends” than I am likely to start wearing makeup every time I step out of my house.

I am who I am: stubborn; gifted; weird; smart; deep; crazy; loving; crappy at housekeeping; passionate; slightly broader across the butt than I want to be; Me!

Be careful what you say, you may never know the impact of your words.

What A Wake Up

Today has been strange.

I found out today something I thought was going good in my life may not be quite what I thought. This thing was something I believed God wanted me to do and something that would change things for us for the better. That's not the strange thing though. This morning when I started my morning prayer time, something I do before getting out of my comfortable bed, God spoke to me.

Now I realise for some reading this, that may seem off the wall to say the least, but it's not the first time He has and I'm sure it won't be the last. This morning though He said I want you to read Romans 8:28. I'm thinking really, why? I know what it says, i read it last night. I was told again to read it.

While I'm not the best at reading my bible regularly or even recently going to church, I do try to be obedient when God speaks, which some means some people really don't understand some of the decisions I've made.

So I read it.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Rms 8:28)

At the time it didn't mean anything specific, it is a familiar verse and I thought God just wanted me to refresh it. Hours later after a few hours worrying about what I found out, my husband told me it wasn't as bad as I thought and God had lead me to that point.

Duh!

Even then it took me a bit of repeating the verse for it to really sink in. It doesn't matter what the situation looks like on the surface, God sees the bigger picture and He is always behind the scenes working things out, even though to us it may not look like it at the time.

In so many things in life we can get complacent, and while I wouldn't say my faith was complacent will say that my understanding of that verse had become form - something I knew and could quote, but not something I was truly holding onto - and when life has you clinging on by the finger tips, as I seem to have been doing, that can be a very bad thing.

Surely in this case the proof is there clearly to see. I had no idea what today would bring, but God did, and He knew if He didn't let me know He had his hand on the situation I could very well fall apart.

Thankyou God for having your hand on me even when I'm sleeping, and your eyes on the path in front of me for those times it gets a bit rough.