Tired

Today has been tiring. Not because of anything I have done mind you but  my girls. Miss 4 never seems to do anything at any pace other than flat out. Today she had me blindfold her so she could play hide and seek blindfolded. Or maybe it was chasey blindfolded. Or even both. She had a packet of crackers and decided to hold them out sideways while spinning around so they went all over the floor. She climbs on everything. She can't just stand there and ask a question but has to hang off you and try to pull your arm out of it's socket. Or there are the times she just wants to say hi or give you a hug and you end up with her launching herself at you from two feet away.
Her older sister is a little more sedate but prone to not listening to answers, or forgetting them two seconds later. Last night I told her she didn't have to do any pre-school work but she asked me several times. I told her she had to listen or next time I would give her maths stuff to do. Tonight she asked if she had to do any and I said well that will depend if I feel like it but prob not. Half an hour later she asked again. So much to her consternation she then had to do some. I hope this means she will learn to listen, but I sadly think not.
These girls of mine don't spend all their time in front of the tv or gaming, they spend time doing outside activities and playing as well as other imagination encouraging things and I still find myself a little worn out by them quite often. No time more so than when I am deeply invested in some story. Which is a problem at the moment because I have just started Game of Thrones - the Song of Ice and Fire series made extremely popular by the HBO series of the same name. It's been a while since I indulged in epic fantasy and I am loving it. With constant interruptions though I am finding myself a little short of temper.
The girls are usually very good, but it is the tail end of the school holidays, it's been ages since I've had a holiday and there are outside frustrations. It's a perfect storm of tiredness I think.
Or maybe weekends are just not long enough.

Resolutions

I'm not one for new year's resolutions, I kind of don't see the point. I like the intention but the idea of forming them the way people do, as often unattainable challenges for the year, well I don't see the point. However I do find the change of year a good time to evaluate life. Where it's going, what I'm doing and am I any closer to achieving what I want out of it.
The last few years I've really felt that THIS year is the year things are going to change for us and we will get our breakthrough. Needless to say we are still here and there hasn't been anything I would consider to be a breakthrough. Survival yes, breakthrough, not so much. So I've decided not to seek out a breakthrough this year. In fact I'm going to do my best to ignore the thought all together. Now that I've voiced it though it may not be so easy.
In the past I've decided I'm going to be more organised, somehow it never really lasts. This year I've just started being more organised. I write down certain things I need to do and make sure I do them. I know simple really isn't it. Always is when I start and I always start with the best intentions. I've managed it for two weeks so far.
The other thing is I think I need a career change. I know I want one. The way I'm thinking of going  isn't a place I've thought of going before and if it wasn't for a chance encounter then I never would have considered it. Now I've done more than consider it, I've researched it and when the applications open I'm going for it. I still want to be a writer and act but I really want something that will challenge me and do more than put the food on the table. A house would be nice too. The thing with decisions like this is they often require great change. They require the willingness to leap out into the great unknown and take a chance.
A bit like faith in a way. We all know I struggle with that. I feel that many times I've flung myself out there and only just survived by the tips of my fingers. This year though seems like it may be a year of guts, courage and the ability to shut your eyes and say 'to hell with it'. My thoughts at this point are 'I hope you are in this God but I'm not waiting for you to say yay or nay, I'm flinging myself at this door anyway. If it's nay it'll hurt when I slam into the door but at least I will have tried.'
This year may not be a year of failed resolutions or breakthrough, but I hope at least to look back on it in 12 months and know it was the year I did my best.

Uh Oh...

The new year is here and Christmas already seems so very far away. It all seems as though things are right back to normal, sadly. There are so many things I wish would be or will turn out different this year. Most notably I think I'd like a little more good stuff and not so much struggling, though I know that in no way am I the only one struggling.
Already I'm working on part of me that I don't always do so well and that is the part that lets things go and relax. There is just one problem with that...I have a somewhat addictive personality and I get addicted to things like video games. We have a new game we have started, the game isn't new but is to us, and I am happy to sit there for ages and play. Of course then I feel bad about not working in that time on other things that may at some point give me success in other areas.
It's hard, that's all there is to it. If I want to have break throughs I have to work for them, but then in doing that something else has to give because I also have to work and make sure I spend time with my family. At times like this I really do wish there were a few more hours in the day.