Things

Firstly the good news. The stress about the house is not a thing anymore. Our offer was accepted. Dare to Dream indeed. God is good.

Secondly to the thing I really want to post about.

Judgment.

I have discovered a few things about myself since I started my new job. I have a rather strange capacity to deal with those many would consider to be the dregs of society without judging them.
Sure I know some of them have done really terrible things and I simply cannot understand how someone can do some of the things I know these people have done. Still I find I can just treat these people as people.
So many people have said to me that they could not do my job. I on the other hand quiet enjoy it. It's a very strange feeling having someone like that cry on your shoulder and thank you for not treating her like shit and making her time in the facility better.
Someone asked me the other day if I knew what so and so had done. I said no, I hadn't gone looking. They promptly told me I needed to make sure I knew who I was dealing with. My response was I never forget where I work and the type of people I work with. I find myself strangely uninterested in finding out the gory details though.
They say when you start my job that you shouldn't go in thinking you would ever make a difference, you might in one person's life in your entire career if you are fortunate. I didn't go in thinking I would make a difference, but in a very short period of time I have discovered that it makes a huge difference if you don't go in thinking you are better than them, if you don't look down your nose judging them all the time.
Not for a minute do I think they really like me, or that in given situations they wouldn't turn on me. What I do have a better understanding of is the value of judgement.

          Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge 
          others, you will be judged, and with the same measure you use, it will 
          be measured to you. 
          - Matthew 7:1-2

We are exhorted to not judge others yet we do in so many ways. We often stand on our own little pedestal and look down at those around us for many reasons. We only see small snippets and judge on that moment. Just because I do so well at work doesn't mean I don't struggle with this in other areas of my life. I think work is different simply because in some way I am able to detach myself from the circumstances. In life I don't have that detachment.

In life I see an overweight person in lycra stuffing their faces with junk food and my thoughts aren't at all positive. I see someone swearing at their children and calling them stupid, and instead of not judging I just want to smack them one. I see someone unable to put clothes on their children's backs and yet still have enough money to buy smokes and booze and I want to knock some sense into them. I see a girl put up with an abusive relationship and I want to shake her till she sees the truth.

In so many little things I judge. This does not make me unique. 

I don't have a total handle on this not judging thing yet and honestly I probably never will. What I do have is a greater understanding of what it means to someone who has done crappy things, and yes even terrible things, not to be judged. It gives them a chance to look at what they have done, take responsibility for it and make steps to change things.

Next time you feel the urge to look down your nose at someone, take a moment to think about what your judgment could mean. 

Grasping at Straws

'Hi this is your real estate agent you have 60 days to vacate, bye'.
Well that sux.
We really thought we'd have these 12 months to save so we could just move into a place of our own. It turns out not. Things just aren't that simple in our lives.
I've finally settled into the new job, though there is still so very much to learn, but I''m comfortable enough to do overtime. This was going to kickstart our savings. Now though this is not an option.
So we find ourselves in a kinda nowhere land. Rentals are damn difficult to get and the cost of getting into another rental is so close to what we would have to pay for a mortgage that it would negate our ability to save or severely restrict it. But we are looking. We are also looking at buying, With my new income we have to ability to get a loan but the problem is we only seriously started doing this saving thing since January and banks won't look at us seriously till we've 3 months of proof that we can save, 6 weeks just isn't good enough.
Still we've been looking.
The problem we really have is that we are in a big place, we have certain needs that mean a normal 4 x 1 or 2 won't suit. Believe me we've looked. I will probably have to sacrifice my office but I can live with that. I won't be the first writer to use the kitchen table. And I suppose I can put my books into storage (I'm not sure I am in a place to sell them). We still need a place for hubby to run the business from home and the only places we've seen so far have tiny little spaces that simply won't work.
Then yesterday something happened. God spoke to me. I really felt His presence for the first time in ages. Not that I haven't prayed till yesterday. I pray often but without question I have felt a distance in my faith. I still have no home church but I haven't been willing to walk away from my faith. I believe in God I just don't get along with the church (if you've read my blog you know about my struggles here).
Anyway, yesterday I was just praying for peace about the whole situation, that God would have the right place for us. And I just started crying. I couldn't stop. I felt God saying He was in control and that I needed to dare to dream and to trust Him.
Well we were looking in an area we'd never considered but someone had told us a property was about to go on the market that would be in our price range. It's an area we've thought might not be a bad one to be in before, so that seemed good. Of course the person that told us about it knew nothing about the house yet. So that was a possible we could work with that. Dare to dream.
Then on the way home we received a call from the real estate agent of the house we are currently in saying it had been valued lower than we were expecting and it would totally be within our price range. Stunned is the only word to describe what we felt. Dare to dream. This would make things so much better for us. We wouldn't have to pack and move and shift the girls (they love the school they are in), it even suits our bizarre needs.
Our mortgage broker gave us a plan.
We took it to the agent feeling positive and he said the owner probably wouldn't go for it because he wanted get it all done in a much shorter time that would really work for us.
Crushed. Frustrated. Annoyed. These words are all apt to describe the way I was and am feeling. So much for Dare to Dream. I just have had enough of having things in our grasp and having them ripped away.
So today has been a days of ups (Valentine's Day with my hubby) and downs.
I keep telling myself that the owner hasn't said no yet or that there is something better out there. I keep repeating God is in control, if He wants us to have this house it will happen. I keep hoping for a miracle, one that really doesn't involve having to find a short term rental.  In the meantime trying to figure out the best plan of action is frustrating at best.
PS. If anyone knows of a place like the one in the picture that will fit our budget then please let us know.