I Have A Teenager

So I mean well. I really do, but getting around to writing for three blogs, still reading books to review and doing everything else takes time.
Speaking of time I am now the mother of a teenager.
How did that happen?
It really boggles my mind. When I think about it, I know I'm old enough, but my usual answer is I'm not mature enough.
I feel sometimes as though I'm drowning. Being a teenager is so different in so many ways to when I was growing up. Of course the other main difference is she's really into things like fashion. Me I couldn't give a stuff, I like my jeans, t-shirts and trainers. She loves shoes. I don't get it. What I do get is that it is her thing and so even though I'm totally out of my depth when it comes to this kind of thing, I take her shopping. It makes her happy.
School is another thing. I was never popular so I have no advice to offer there. When she comes home with questions like, 'Mum what do I do when a boy puts his hand down my friend's top and she doesn't want him to?', well there I am on far steadier ground. Bullying seems so much more intense. I was picked on, yes bullied all through my school years and yes it had an effect on my psyche. I was never beaten up and that is so much more prevalent today. That is another thing I can deal with, 'as long as you don't throw the first punch I will back you all the way.'
Everyday I'm thankful my girls come home in one piece. A little bit of emotional damage, broken heart, social uncertainty, all of that I can handle.
Last year she was so moody, I thought I was never going to get through it. But we did. This year things have levelled out some and I have been so relieved. The biggest issues this year have been friends, finding her comfort zone, getting her to do her chores and keeping her grades up, I just want a passing grade that's all.
Ups and downs are part of family life and my little girl is growing up. She had her first high school dance this year. Amongst other things. She's already talking about getting a job when she's old enough.
Parenting is a minefield that most of us are never really ready for. Each developmental stage has its own pitfalls. It is a juggling act and a tightrope act all in one. On the upside, that fact she's made it this far without being killed is a good sign. Hopefully I'll be able to get her through this next stage without either of us doing the other permanent damage.
Tonight I saw her prancing around in a pair of wedge high heels and short shorts and I realised how in trouble I'm going to be when she really starts dating. But then I have a very special set of skills that I've been honing for just that eventuality.
Also lets see if I can write here more than twice a year from now on.

The Good Things

Sometimes it does us well to be reminded of the good things.
The world is so full of hate and vitriol that it is easy to forget.
So today I am going to not rant. Strange for this blog but hey, change is good for you they say.
Good things.

I have a family who love me no matter how bonkers I get at times, and believe me with the crazy ass job I have and my pursuit of being a writer it can get pretty bonkers. Sure we have our ups and downs, every family does. I also have a house where we randomly walk by each other and say 'I love you' and give our spontaneous hugs. We also embrace each other for their quirks and uniqueness.

It's sometimes hard to remember to do things together, particularly now the kids are getting older, they have their own things to do, but there are times we remember to do just that and it makes a difference, it gives us a chance to reconnect.

I have a job that I like, sure it can be stressful but I often come home laughing, which is better than crying, I should know as I've had that life experience, not as much fun as it might sound. It pays my bills, enables me to do fun stuff and pursue my hobbies.

Sure they may be as crazy as I am but that's probably why we are friends. A lot of them I only see a few times a year and you know what, that doesn't matter.

I love them, miss them when I don't see them and love it when we get to catch up.

I have always been pretty hotheaded, I get worked up about things. My temper can burn hot. It makes life interesting. I couldn't imaging being uncaring about things. I think if you are that numb to what is going on around you then that is pretty sad.

Passion gets two plusses though because yes it is good to care about things but also it is good to have something you are passionate about that keeps you busy. In my case it is writing. Writing is something I have done pretty much for as long as I can remember and yes it is finally paying off as I should be published this year. Someone actually wanted to publish my book. Writing takes up a lot of my time but it also makes me feel better. In fact if I spend too much time not writing I get more than a little antsy.

Sure I have days where I feel a bit negative towards my body, I think we all do. Mostly though I'm happy with it. Then again over the last five or so years I've worked hard at it. I lost nearly 10 kgs (it fluctuates on a good day it's just over) but more than that, I toned up, got stronger and got fitter. I enjoy exercising and I love self defence training. Sure I know both those things aren't for everyone. I think there is a lot to be said about looking after your body for health reasons but as to shape and size, well that's really no-ones business but your own. Embrace who you are, change it if you want, leave it if you don't. (On a brief side issue, I'm so glad Barbie finally made some fundamental changes, not that I was ever a Barbie kind of girl.)

There is no shame in acknowledging that you are struggling. Many suffer from depression and so many more mental illnesses that it really should no longer be taboo. Everyone struggles at sometime. Some just have more a a struggle on their hands. Get help. This is not a negative thing this is a positive thing. Help is there for everyone. Me I'm thankful that I'm going through a good patch and yes in my case the depression is mild and periodic. For some of my friends it is a constant battle that can require careful monitoring of medication. You are not alone, that is a good thing and something that you can hold onto even in your darkest times.

So, take a moment for yourself and look to some good in your life. How does yours fair? Are there changes you want to make? Is it better than you though when you got up this morning?
Life can be brutal, it can be full of joy. Life is meant to be textured. We can never know what others are going through unless they chose to share it with us. Be someone that someone can share with. Going through life alone is not how it is meant to be, I'm sure of it. Of course that doesn't mean it is a popularity contest like much of modern media would have you believe. Contentment really can be found on a much smaller scale. Look for the good in your life today. You may be surprised.