So...

A little while ago I felt a prompting to apply for the army reserves, came a little from left field as I have no real desire to serve my country or join what is clearly still a boys club, but I thought why the hell not, it will give me the challenge I am looking for in my life and give me the chance to give a little something back. With all the advertising they are doing at the moment it never occurred to me that I wouldn't get in.
Sure the physical side of things was going to be a push (sprints being the difficultly, I way surpassed the requirement for sit-ups and push ups) and I was nervous about the initial testing because it's been ages since I've sat psychometric testing. Thing was I passed with flying colours, I could apply for anything I wanted with the only exceptions being the stuff you have to be male for. So far so good you would think.
Not so. After testing I get a letter saying I've been rejected on medical grounds. Would you like to know the reason - self harm, because I cut myself over a short period of time 17 years ago I was immediately discounted as a candidate. You better believe that this bothered me on several grounds so I immediately appealed.
My arguments being that it occurred briefly a very long time ago, I was never officially diagnosed with anything, I haven't had a problem with this in over 15 years and in the meantime I've been able to offer up my shoulder to those with similar problems to what I had.
This isn't enough though, my rejection letter to my appeal stated; 'The stresses of service in the Defence force are considerable and often greater than faced in normal civilian life. Experience has taught the ADF that anyone with a history of depressive illness or adjustment disorder associated with self harm, such as yours, has a high likelihood of recurrence during military service, often as early as initial training.'
So in other words my life is stress free and if I start basic training I will probably fall apart and even want to cut myself again.
Wow!
They obviously have no idea how difficult it can be to be part of a low income family, and are unfamiliar with the concept of changing your life. Other things I would like to point out at his stage are; 17 years is as long as some of their recruits have been alive (I don't even get a second chance because of that!) and I know how to iron clothes (check out some of the new recruit videos where they say they have to teach some of them how to iron because they don't know how).
As far as I was concerned the whole process had big flaws in it. Firstly they wouldn't accept my uni transcripts because, well I had to prove I finished year nine and uni transcripts didn't do that. In life a degree always trumps a lower high school graduation certificate. Good grief at my interview the interviewer looked at the jobs I was interested in and said I couldn't do PR because I would need a degree in journalism or something (I promptly handed my degree over before saying lets just concentrate on the reserves not full time at the moment).
The other big problem I have with the process is that in all the questions self harm is lumped in with suicide attempts, now I don't know what psychs they have on the pay roll but not everyone who self harms wants to die. The first nurse I spoke to said it shouldn't be a problem because it was so mild and so long ago, the second one (after the first rejection letter) said self harm is an automatic rejection and I shouldn't have been told that however a letter from my Dr saying they hadn't treated me for depression or self harm, as well as a letter outlining what/when/how I've overcome should be enough to see the decision overturned. At most they both informed me I may need to discuss the matter with an army psych. Well guess what...never happened. I got the second rejection letter with no one even contacting me. They simply decided that something I did nearly half a lifetime ago meant I was unstable and unable to cope with something I determined would be a good thing to do with my life.
In other words the 17 year old who had both mummy and daddy take him to his first session is a better candidate that I am. (Though to be perfectly clear I don't know if he did get in).
They did say I could appeal the decision if I wanted but that would require me paying a shrink to dissect my past and give me a letter saying they believe I can cope, then I have to be interviewed by the army and jump through a bunch of hoops, and even then there is no guarantee that I would be accepted because that would then rely upon how competitive I was for the position I applied for and how many other candidates they had. Good grief! This coming on the back of my initial testing that gave me the all clear to apply for army intelligence officer if I wanted to (which one of the other candidates had informed me meant testing in the top 5% or so), and with me having researched the job I applied for and knowing they needed 13 positions filled and only had 7 candidates in the current pool.
Bottom line is I could have coped, if I was as fragile as they seemed to think surely a form letter saying they understand I will 'be greatly disappointed' with their decision, would do significant damage. Still it's simply another step in life for me and I think it's their loss. There are plenty of other bricks to kick over and ways to achieve goals like challenging yourself. In the mean time my fitness is better than it has ever been and my body is so much better to look at (I'm even starting to see abdominal definition). Something will come along.

Slow But Steady

Life is marching on. My body is making it a little hard to train at the moment, I have a hideous cough that had pretty much laid me out for the last week. Part of me really misses the training, I've tried a couple of sessions (weights) but no running, it hasn't been easy or had the desired effect. I live in hope that this cough has to go away soon.
My writing is also going along slow and steady. I've even had a break through there, which is always a good thing.
There are things that have bothered me this week but that is to be expected. One, I'm reading about private contractors and the War on Terror. One of the things that disturbs me most is the things some of these people are doing in the name of christianity. The more I read the more I wonder about being a christian. I believe in God but sometimes it's really difficult to want to stand up and be identified with others who claim to be christians. These contractors, politicians and agents aren't the only ones who cause this feeling.
I am getting a little fed up with requests to sign petitions against gay marriage. There I've said it. I quite frankly don't care who you love. I cannot see how allowing same sex marriage will destroy the institution of marriage, seriously when was the last time some of these people looked at the divorce rate. Also not sure how it will destroy family either. I live in an area with high de facto, high divorce, high teenage pregnancy and high 'children from different parents' rates. I'd say family is pretty messed up already.
Okay that's all I am going to say on the matter. I'm not going to rant. I'm not going to get worked up. I am just going to slowly and steadily go on about my way, while trying to figure out how to keep my faith out of the way of religion.