A Little Bit

I will only get a brief update type of snippet in tonight as I'm feeling a bit down and lethargic. That really describes my whole week. There have been some ups but mostly not. It feels as though that's a usual state of mind when in laws visit. Sad I know, but I can't shake the feeling I will never match up to what they wish I was. And not just me. It is hard sometimes to hold on to your dream when those closest to you don't support you. Fortunately friends are our saving grace they support us. So in times like this I focus on remembering that while you can't pick your family you can pick your friends and I thank those who are there to help me up when all I feel like doing is sitting in a dark corner and moping.

Remember you may never know what encouraging words can mean to someone so don't be shy of uttering a few occasionally.

Resolutions?

I don't make new years resolutions. Mostly because they seem so cliched, so trite, something you can say you want to aim for but it doesn't matter if you don't make it because it was just a NY resolution.

However it is the time of year to sit down and evaluate what I want out of the coming year. Some things haven't changed from last year: I still want to get published and I still want to act. I do want to make a bit more of an effort in regards to my faith this year. Last year was a bit of a tough one. Quite a few ups and downs, can't say I'm sad to see the end of it but I also can't say it was any worse than other years I've lived through.

I want to strengthen my faith, I'm just not sure I'm really ready to step back into church, however I do think my kids need me to and I think hubby needs to if he wants to get the worship album he's working on finished.

Sometimes it's just not all about you, or me as the case might be. Sometimes the motivation I think comes once you make a decision to do something. From where I'm standing at the moment I hope this is the case because right now the thought of having to make new friends and explain myself and my sometimes unconventional lifestyle to others seems draining and I'm not even doing it yet just thinking about it.

I have been praying more but I still don't feel as connected in as I once did. I feel I have to try but at the same time there is a part of me that struggles to believe it will make any difference. However I will keep plodding along in the hope that feelings and faith will catchup with my actions.