Precious Things

So my last post was about my mother. This one is about my munchkins.

I work hard. I work long hours in a job many would never consider. I work with amazing people who get a lot of criticism, especially at the moment about being bad or corrupt or whatever. The truth is we are so understaffed that a lot of us are doing a bunch of OT just to cover basic staffing for each day. Sure this is a good thing on one hand. On the other though, is my munchkins. I'm away from home before they get up and get back just before the youngest's bed time. Then with all the extra shifts, I don't even get my normal days off. There comes a time when you have to make a choice. The work hours (money) or time with the kids playing silly games and nagging them to clean their rooms.
On one hand it seems like an easy choice. The money of course, no I mean the kids.
Because when it comes down to it sometimes it's not all that easy. I have a past that, not too long ago, meant we survived pay cheque to pay cheque. Now we have a little leeway. Not as much as you might think but there is a reason for that, it's a choice we made about our priorities.
We have made the choice to have mini breaks this year. Sure we lack in some things but we have the opportunity to take the munchkins out to experience things we haven't previously been able to afford, like the Gold Coast. Also hubby and I are getting our first holiday sans kids shortly.
My biggest struggle at the moment is my baby (who isn't really a baby anymore) who is waking up stupid early to say she misses me when I go to work, and quite often she says she doesn't want me to go. I reassure her that I'll be fine and I'll see her when I come home. I've also made a promise to her that in a little while, on a set date I will be having seven days off and I promise not to do OT or shift swaps into that time.
Would the extra money be helpful? You bet, especially with the hits we took in the last budget. Sometimes though the choice really is that easy. Compromise. The thing with compromise is you as the adult need to keep your word. It's no good promising that 'I'll be home here if you just let me do the extra work now,' if on the allotted date, you realise you've forgotten about a bill and you go do that OT anyway.
Children matter, they are our most valuable possession. We need to raise them to respect a good work ethic, to develop a good work ethic and to value the truly important things in life - each other.
Take the time to embrace that which really matters. Feed the heart and you'll find some things you though were hugely important, really aren't.

Mother's Day

A day many of us get breakfast in bed and an excuse for gifts that let us know the stuff we do as a mother doesn't go unnoticed, even if it feels it does most of the time, or our kids tell us they hate us.
Mother's Day for me though brings mixed feelings and I'm pretty certain I'm not the only one. My mum is no longer here.

My mother died when my eldest was 3 months old. That was more than 10 years ago now and I still miss her terribly. Often it's not something that enters my head, it isn't a constant aching loss, but that makes it hurt no less. Days like today I am profoundly aware of just what she, I and my children have missed out on. They never knew her. I wish so much that that was different. She was such a wonderful mother to me. She was a quiet, peaceful and fun influence on my life.

We didn't have much but it didn't matter because we had her and she gave us everything she could; which included a solid work ethic, good grounding in life skills like cooking and using what you have to get by. She taught me to sew, encouraged me to be crafty and make things for others, and accepted what were probably very dodgy efforts on my behalf as valued gifts.

My mother also wasn't afraid to have fun and laugh at herself. She was the one who taught me the value of a good practical joke. There were stories of going to camps and hanging all the boys clothes down at a nearby bus shelter. Being fined at the start of the same camps simply because of who her sisters were and deciding if that was the way it was she may as well make the most of it.

There were cousins who made the mistake of trusting my mother and her sisters and their mother (Oma) with things like wedding luggage - oops, a mistake I knew not to repeat. I didn't pack a honeymoon bag, so my mother put rice through all my luggage. More fool her though she taught me well. When I dropped in to grab my stuff before the reception I emptied my whole bag in my parents bed, picked my clothes out and remade their bed. They were picking rice out of the carpets for months. She also taught me how to short sheet a bed.
She may not have understood the creative force that drives me but she supported it. She was the calm in our, at times, chaotic storm. She stood strong in the face of adversity, even the cancer that eventually took her life. She was warm and generous of spirit. The thought of disappointing her was a more powerful motivator than her anger.
Faith for her was rich, deep and real. She hurt at the end when well meaning people of faith insisted she wasn't getting healed because she must have had some unacknowledged sin in her life or some other crap. I was so angry with them. But she'd call me up when she was down and I knew it was my job to make her laugh. So we'd come up with silly things like hanging up a huge pink parachute from the roof at her wake and having white liquid spurt all over people like a boobie leaking milk.
I remember this one time at the airport when she'd just gotten her fake boobs (she never had reconstructive surgery these were just like prosthetic ones that filled out a bra for the times she wanted that). She took it out of its box and was passing it around so we could feel it. The poor guy sitting near us had no idea what to say or really where to look. Even when she was sick she kept her sense of humour.

There are times even now I wish I could just ring her up and ask her questions, or share things with her. I have no idea what she would think about what I do now, or how I am as a mother, I only hope I can be half as good at it as she was, if I can do that then maybe my girls will have a good grounding for their lives.

My Life Is Richer For My Friends

I turned 40 a few months ago and because I was so busy I was unable to have my party till the weekend just gone. It was awesome.
It wasn't a big affair. It wasn't a fancy affair. It was a backyard barbecue with friends. I know people throw parties and invite dozens of people. They ask them to BYO all sorts apparently (though some don't). They get stressed about catering for everyone and probably can't get around to talking properly to everyone they invited.
Me I over cater. I always over eater. That's fine though because it means I have enough food to last for the rest of the week. My kids think it's great coz there is so much cool drink and junk food left in the house they will be on a sugar high for two weeks. I like to provide for those I invite, it makes me happy.
The best thing, the very best thing about my party was the chance to catch up with some of the most awesome friends ever. True friends are those you may not get to see very often but there will always be a connection. They are the people who will be there when you really need them. They will even dress up in silly 80's costumes just because I asked them too.

My friends are the best.
I am blessed to have such awesome people in my life.
These are people who stand by you when it goes to shit. They are people who will go out of their way to make sure you are okay if something terrible happens (like your mum gets sick). They are the people who stand by you when you need to vent. Or you loose a job, or you are just having an unsettled time being a parent.
True friends are the ones who accept you for your good points, your bad ones and your quirky tendencies. They will do things they may not be real comfortable doing because you ask them too. True friends make you laugh, understand when you need to cry and are there when you need to throw something.
Friends also do something else. They make you better. I suppose they can make you worse if you pick bad ones, but mine don't fit into that category. My friends push me to keep going. They inspire me, they encourage me. They give me a kick when I need it. My interactions with them have impacted on my life and I really think they help me to be better.

I am truly blessed with my friends and I wouldn't change what I had for all the big arse, expensive, fancy parties, with loaded gift tables, for anything, because I know without a question what I have is of far more worth than anything you can buy anywhere for any price.
One of them said the most amazing thing to me, she said even though she hadn't felt like coming she had to because it was me and she would always do that for me. (I know she spent ages in costume places because of me, even though she'd have rather done just about anything else except go back to her old job, and that is pretty damn special.)
To my friends and you know who you are, my life is so much richer just because you guys are in it. Thank you.