This Sunday in May is just another day for some. For others it is a day to celebrate Mothers, to remember all they have done for us, and what being a mother is.
I am not the most maternal person in the world. Oh I love my munchkins with all that is in me, I would do anything within my power to ensure they are happy. The not so perfect breakfast is perfect in it's flaws because it is made with love. The gifts are different as my mother in law would say, but the response she got was, 'well we are different and mum will like it'. And I do.
Motherhood is a strange thing. The way people speak about it makes you sometimes think that we all experience it the same way. Nothing could be further from the truth. When I was a first time mother I tried heaps of things I was told to and I sucked at a bunch of them. It made me feel like a bit of a failure. There have been plenty of things over the last 14 years that have made me feel that way. It can be a hard feeling to deal with, especially when society says motherhood is natural and right, implying that it is easy.
Sometimes being a mother is the hardest thing in the world and for me what made it so much more difficult was not having my mother with me on this journey. She wanted nothing more than to have grandkids to dote on. It was not to be. She died when my eldest was 3 months old and she was the only grandchild my adorable mother got to hold.
Cancer is a bitch.
Still I muddled my way through and some days I think I've done a fairly passable job. Other days I want to bang my head on the nearest wall until I pass out, or hide curled up in the foetal position in some corner somewhere. My munchkins are awesome, except when they aren't. I will always love them but geez they can drive me nutty, though I know there are some who believe I'm well beyond that point.
Mother's Day for me is hard because it is a day that really drives home the fact my Mother never got to be a grandmother. There are so many things over the years I have longed to share with her. So many issues I would have wished her advice on. So many tears that I've shed because of this simple fact.
I know I am not the only person who struggles with this day. Nor am I the only type of person who struggles. There are those whose mothers don't inspire thoughts that make them warm and happy inside. There are those whose mothers in fact inspire the opposite. Some parents are toxic and dangerous, sad as that fact is to dwell on. So for those people Mother's day is a day best to be ignored. The best we can do for those people is to understand. Don't force them to acknowledge what could be painful and also be there in case they want to talk about it.
Mothers don't have to be the people that gave birth to us either, there are plenty of step mothers, adoptive and foster mothers out there. There are those for whom children are not an option for one reason or another; some by choice, some by design. They may chose to be a mother of a different variety or not at all. This does not make them any less women.
Honour those who blessed your lives but please remember not everyone has happy thoughts on this day.
