Hate: A Waste of Time

I feel the need to rant a little. In fact to be honest this one has been building for a while. I mean I have all these good intentions to blog regularly but I'm soo busy at the moment that it just doesn't happen. Life has a tendency to get like that, what with working full time, writing a book or two, being a wife and mother and a convention junkie.

Now though is the time, I'm making time. Today I have some things to say about haters.

For crying out loud people why is gay marriage still a damn issue?

No seriously why?

I recently had the privilege of attending the wedding of two lovely ladies I work with and guess what? No smiting happened. Actually the opposite did, it had been a miserable couple of days weather wise but it stayed dry for their out of doors ceremony and when it came time to exchange their vows the sun came out from behind the clouds bathing them in glorious golden light. Make of that what you will haters.

Here's the way I see it, as long as it is between two consenting adults I don't care who you do in your bedroom or how. Why should I, it's none of my damn business and affects me in no way. I am not about to start picking my friends based on sexual preference.

In the spirit of honesty I wasn't always this clear about my opinions on this topic. I grew up a Christian in a time when faith was struggling with how to come to terms with this whole 'gay' thing, and they still are struggling. In fact I unwittingly pushed away a friend because I said to her that I didn't necessarily like her choice (I'd always known her to be straight or probably and more accurately trying to be straight), or understand it, but that didn't mean I wanted to stop being friends. For her it was who she was not some choice she made, back then I didn't really understand that.

Age and life can be a wonderful teacher if we let it.

I've always thought the biblical arguments to be faulty something other people have dealt with more eloquently than I could, so I won't deal with that here. (You can try here for one post I liked).

The thing is though there are so many more important issues we could be pouring time and money into. 

Domestic violence has killed women in the double figures already this year, but it gets only cursory mention every now and then.

Violence against women (in fact in general) seems disturbingly on the rise and so much of the media is focussed on how women shouldn't go places by themselves or out at night or any number of other things. The press and focus is on what the victims should and shouldn't do when surely it should be on the behaviour of the perpetrators. Earlier this year a 15 year old sexually assaulted a young woman on her way home during the day. He got a damn slap on the wrist, a punishment validated by the words (paraphrased) 'he is a young boy struggling with his lustful urges and his faith'. Um sorry what? 

What kind of message does that send? To me it says we are more concerned with to perpetrator than the victim. 

Yet gay marriage somehow seems like a bigger issue. It makes no sense to me.

But then haters make for more interesting news footage and their vitriol makes for better sound bites.

Then there is the whole Kaitlyn Jenner thing. Seriously why should I give a stuff. I care nothing for anything Jenner/Kardashian related. There are far more important things going on in the world than any word that could come out of any of their mouths, yet the amount of press generated by that family... the amount of money thrust at them could probably feed a starving country. 

Sure Kaitlyn's transformation got some discussion happening about transgender but really, was it only me who thought the focus very quickly shifted to some rubbish popularity thing. Very little helped or changed on the ground level for those living with transgender issues in their lives.

The struggle these families face everyday boggle my mind. The sheer range of emotionally charged things they need to consider are potentially shattering. Despite all this the focus of some is the selfishness of the parents 'pushing' their children towards unnatural decisions. The horror of our children being placed in a position that will allow them to be corrupted if we talk about these things openly. As adults we need to grow the heck up. There is an awful lot we can learn from kids, if we just let them teach us.

Have I talked about being gay with my kids? Yes. It went a little like this - 'Mum they are both girls', 'yes honey Grace has two mums, instead of having a boyfriend they are girlfriends,' 'oh, wierd, but okay'. And that was the end of that.

Have I talked to my children about transgender? Yes. It went like this. 'Mum I've invited these people to my party, *** is transgender', me - uh! And by the time my brain processed what had been said my child had walked off to do something else. Clearly this is something she thinks is worthy of concern. In fact her only concern is that her friend has thoughts of suicide.  

Finding your identity and dealing with being a teenager is hard enough when you fit the accepted norm, we need to work to help those who don't. Believe me you want to say something hate filled and full of criticism and condemnation to this child you bloody well do it through me, this child deserves none of it.

I am sick of the hate.

Know what other topics have been spoken about in my house recently? Racism, the look of confusion on my child's face when told there was a time coloured people and white people couldn't do things together was wonderful - absolute questioning why? It seemed silly to her.

Equality. My youngest was infuriated when I told her that in some countries as a girl she wouldn't be allowed to go to school and learn things. That's so not fair she said.

My children will learn that skin colour, sexuality and gender are no way to judge a person or limit what they can do.

My wonderful hubby asked why I was writing this post? The only answer I really have is that it's been bugging me and I hadn't written anything to address it. This is how I get stuff out of my system. I blog, I rant and then I move on. It's like I've had my say, done my bit. It's so easy to fall into the social media trap of commenting on those posts that drive you bonkers but really that's unlikely to do anything. The truth is they tend to descend into A vs B and neither side are willing to change their opinions, the hate just becomes more ingrained.

This hating needs to stop people.

Save your energy for things that matter, for fights that matter. Paraphrasing one of my munchkins - there are more important things in the world that need to be sorted out.

#AlwaysKeepFighting

I could have sworn I'd posted more recently here. Clearly not. I must have been imagining things. Well it wouldn't be the first time.
This year has already been so busy. Work, kids growing older, writing, fitness, family, friends. Life really.
I'd like to say it has all been awesome, after all the crap that happened last year. But it hasn't. And you know what, that is life. Life is full of peaks and valleys. Life can be wonderful, or terrible. The trick is to embrace both and get hung up on neither.
See the terrible can open doors to realisations - a friendship that needs more time because it is limited, a person you need to walk away from because you simply don't need that much toxic in your life.
The wonderful can give you hope - that dreams can come true, that you're not too old, or too anything else, to do what you want.
They balance each other out. If you focus too heavily on the bad you struggle to see the good and if you float too much on the great then when the bad happens the crash is so much harder to recover from.

Today is not a great day for me, I feel down, a bit frustrated and to be honest a little depressed. For no real reason I might add. Depression can be like that. My head can be a rather fucked up place to be. Part of me wants to do nothing but curl up in bed and sleep, or maybe read. I don't want to deal with the kids, I don't want to talk to hubby. I just want to hide myself away from it all.
But I won't. I'm lucky, my depression is mild in the grand scheme of things, and I've been living with it for so long I have a pretty decent handle on how to deal with it: I throw myself into writing; I make sure I push aside the grump and hug my kids, embrace something awesome about them and smile with them; I apologise for my crappy mood to my hubby, who blessedly understands and knows how to hold me steady; and yes I read, immerse myself in someone else's world for a while; I even make myself exercise.
In other words I try to do things that are normal for me. I try to smile, not the fake 'everything is alright' bullshit smile but a real, right down inside kind of smile.
Sometimes these bouts of depression last days, sometimes only hours. I'm lucky. Like I said my experience is only mild. Others don't have it so lucky. For others the suffocating grey encroaches their day or night, it pulls them downwards and inwards to the point they just can't be bothered with anything. Telling them to buck up isn't the answer. Allowing them to talk can help. Just sitting with them can do wonders. Don't try to fix them. If you can get them help great. For some that comes in the form of medication or counselling, if that could be the answer encourage them. Mostly I think it is important for them to not feel alone. Allow them to be real about their feelings. If they feel like crap that's not wrong, it just is. Hold them and love them through it.
This world we live in can be hard. So many put so much of themselves out there that the rest of us  wonder what the hell we are doing wrong. My life isn't as together as such and such's. My butt isn't as perfect as hers. He just posted a pic of his ripped abs, well I can't do that. She always has such good days and great luck. I'll never get the opportunities he gets. Why should I bother when I can't compete with that. Their kids are so well behaved. My kid is so moody yet hers is just perfect - what am I doing wrong?

You know what, STOP!
I mean it. Stop trying to compare yourself to others. I reckon if people were to social media truthfully the picture would be very different. We would then realise most people don't have it all together. We only pick and choose the good bits to share. Don't get me wrong, I don't think people should air their dirty laundry on line. I think we do it because we want to see which side of the argument or whatever is more popular. We need to stop oversharing and stop thinking all the positive means everyone but us has it all together.
See social media is like that old chestnut 'how are you?' People who ask that mostly don't want to know. They want you to say 'great how are you?' It is pointless small talk and not meant for truth. I went through a phase where I would ignore that question or say, 'I don't know you so I don't feel I have to answer that', or something similar. It was funny, someone got really upset with me one day for not answering that question, they didn't know how to cope when I didn't play their game.
But I digress. Don't base your happiness around what people post. They may be feeling terrible but doing everything they can to protect some image they believe they have. Unless you really know someone, you don't know them. Most of us have no idea how much our acquaintances struggle everyday. There are certainly enough things to struggle with - perceptions, popularity, protecting our image, weight, beauty… the list goes on.
Just be you. If you feel down today find someone to talk to, or just to hug you. If you don't know anyone find a group, if you don't want to do that, message me. The grey and cold don't last, they don't have to last. You don't need to go it alone. Picking yourself up isn't always easy but you can do it. Look for that hand that is their just waiting for you to grab and grab it. Have someone's back or let someone have yours.
#AlwaysKeepFighting