Okay What's Been Going On

Wow, I can't believe it's been so long since I've written anything. Then again a lot has been happening. I've steered away from using this place as somewhere to update about my life but I figure the two of you out there that read this might like a brief explanation.
Firstly out of nowhere I got offered a job working in a dvd store. People who know me think this is a great match, me and movies. Thing is I'm going in at ground level with the view to if it fits managing down the track. I didn't go looking for this I was all set to go full on into my writing but I have to wonder if God is doing another of those unexpected things, like using this to elp finance things for us. Also my hubby got a new job. Also somewhere people say is a perfect fit. Now this is amazing because in 11 years of marriage we've never come close to both working (potentially) full time. Just didn't happen, not for lack of trying though.
Then of course is Christmas.
So it's been a period of adjustments and I am trying to figure out how to fit everything in: my girls, my hubby, writing, acting, and working. Argghhhh!
Well take care and I'll talk to you early in the New Year and hopefully I will have figured at least some of it out.
May God Bless you mightily throughout this coming year.
Peace and joy to you all.

Church Service

Do we get caught up in the spectacle, the production of church? The louder the singing, the louder the cheering, the more we love God.
What about awe and majesty? The still small voice? Community displays of respect?
It’s funny I love production. Music, acting, it’s who I am. But maybe it’s possible to stretch our perceptions and expectations, to discard what has been established and the routine we’ve fallen into. Is there perhaps a time to dial it back?
The song ‘Heart of Worship’ by Matt Redman, came from such a time. Now I’m not suggesting we all need to spend months just worshipping with a guy on an acoustic guitar, that would be another routine for the sake of it. I just wonder if there’s something in that for a moment.
Who knows? I certainly don’t have the answers. I wish I did. Is it possible that we could benefit from a structure different to: arrive, 4 songs, news, offering, song, preaching, altar call, song.
Should we see ourselves as a structure, rigid, or as part of those streams of living water? If it’s more than the structure and the form, if what we have is a living, breathing relationship, then we need to let it breathe and grow. Growth involves movement and change. It might be a good time to note that if water stays still for long it grows stagnant. I don’t want to be stagnant.

A Little Bit of Hope

Just when you may think the youth who will be our future are...well I'm sure you've heard or thought various adjectives, here's a little bit of hope. When I get off the bus at the station in the morning with my schoolgirl and baby in her pram, nearly always one of the teenagers waiting to take the bus to the highschool, grabs the cross bar of the pram and helps lift it down. They joke about and volunteer to be the next guy to do it (it's always the boys), and it always brings a smile to my face.

The New Dr

Me and my bro.

Dr Piet and Mum

This weekend was a very bittersweet time. My baby bro graduated from med school. He’s now officially a Dr. I am so proud of him for his dedication and hard work and so much else. Thing is his dedication ceremony where the graduating class were presented was on Saturday. Saturday would have been our mother’s 60th birthday. I know she would have been so proud and I believe she was having her own little party in heaven but that didn’t make it any less sad not to have her with us on such an awesome occasion.
So I want to say I’m thankful today for :
My family who walk different paths but are there for each other all the same.
All the things I learnt from my Mother, even though there are many lessons I’m sure I haven’t grasped yet.

Also, I hope and pray I can be the same sort of mother to my girls as mine was to me, things weren’t perfect, my rose coloured glasses don’t blind me that much, but she was an incredible woman who lived an open and loving life, she lived what she believed and I miss her very much.

Some New Statistics

I heard some disturbing statistics from a survey today. Apparently 1 in 3 boys thinks it is okay to hit a girl and 1 in 4, 12-20 yr olds, has seen violence in the home.
It seems that the government’s campaign of ‘it is never okay’ was not a success.
So how is it we find ourselves living in a society with such statistics? We are supposedly civilized.
So with this in mind I have a few questions.
Where are the men who stand up and say to the boys that that kind of behavior is unacceptable?
Why do some men think violence is an acceptable solution?
What has happened to acting with honor and respect?
As my husband pointed out though, violence isn’t the exclusive property of males, more and more females are using it on each other and on men. So what are these statistics and why are these females under the impression that this kind of behavior is acceptable?
Is this behavior somehow tied to the apparent growth of selfishness and greed (I, me, mine) I see around me and the rise of laying the blame elsewhere (lack of accountability and acceptance of consequences)?
Is it a result of family and community breakdown that sees parents not wanting to have anything to do with the kids, or using the children against each other, or even carrying on in ways that indicate the children’s feelings simply don’t count?
Is it because we push adult concepts and responsibilities on children and don’t allow them to just be kids?
Is there even a solution?

A Question

Maybe someone who is a far better Christian than me can explain something to me.
I know a girl. She’s divorced, a single mum, with a bunch of hang ups that anyone could have. I know a guy, divorced, barely sees his kid except when it suits him. Unfortunately this description fits several friends of mine and even more women I know. However this isn’t what I need to have explained.
Here are further details. The guy was emotionally and physically abusive in the marriage. He puts himself first, is manipulative and not so good at paying child support. Still this describes too many people.
Now this girl’s father is talking to the ex nicely, seeking him out even and telling his daughter that it is the Christian thing to do in order to show the guy forgiveness. You know what he hasn’t done? This father hasn’t once gone up to this guy and taken him to task about the way he treated his daughter, is still treating her, or his grandkid.
This girl is confused. She wants a man to stand for her, to say that the way she’s been treated is wrong, I say that but it’s not the same, and I’m not trying to be sexist or anything. Instead she tries to push those feelings aside and convince herself that those feelings are selfish and vengeful. (Not her exact words but my interpretation).
I understand her desire; what’s more I’d feel the same way.
People say that having a word with this ex, is a waste of time because he won’t listen. Any one ever think that he doesn’t listen because no-one has ever made him listen?
I’m certain my rough as guts dad, who isn’t without his faults, would have some choice words to say if it was an ex in my life, of course he’d probably have some choice words for me too, but at least he’d stand up for me.
So here’s what I want explained. Where is the line between showing forgiveness and standing for those who can’t stand for themselves? Where should the priority be – the hurting daughter or the selfish ex-son-in-law?
Believe me I have a few choice words burning to get out. And I have to wonder if ‘turning the other cheek’ and ‘vengeance is mine said the Lord’ has turned us all into a bunch of people more interested in keeping the status quo than standing for what is right.
I am reminded of Nicely Nicely’s dream – “Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down you’re rocking the boat”.

Stepping Out

At the moment my faith isn’t easy. Don’t get me wrong, believing in God hasn’t gotten harder but doing what I know to be right is a little tough. After my accident I knew the right thing to do was stop working. So many people cautioned me against it. But I knew it was what I had to do. In part because it’s not the first time God has told me to leave a job. The first time around I thought I couldn’t possibly be hearing God but because I didn’t do it, I went from being a valued employee to not having a job in the space of a week.
This time I listened.
To truly understand what that meant you need to realize that my income was our safety net, sure we got a few luxuries but more often than not it was how the bills got met every month. Stopping work didn’t just mean I couldn’t buy any more dvd’s, it was however, the right thing to do.
The thing is that often when we step out of the boat we expect God to smooth the water and make it solid so everything will be fine and it will be like walking on dry land. In my experience that is not the case. Right at the moment I am out of the boat and far from the water being still and solid, it is instead, seeming as if it is being churned up and a storm is raging.
My husband changed to what was supposed to be (and started off as) a better paying job, and certain positive things happened in regards to my writing. Then just as we think the water isn’t too soft – work slows right down, things stop working and the gales of life start buffeting us again.
Money is tight, someone who was supposed to be a friend stabbed my hubby so thoroughly in the back that I’m sure that relationship is over, I found out something not so great and my phone got cut off. I still know what we chose was the right thing to do but right now I feel as though I am balancing on a high-wire over a very deep canyon and there is no safety net.
I’m not whining, or at least I’m trying not to, and I’m trying to avoid the pity party train. I just wonder why we tend to think God only asks us to do things that will make our lives easier, short and long term?

Thankful

I’ve been thinking of doing this for a few days now, and somehow things keep coming up, so now I’ve put everything else aside and I’m doing ten things that I am thankful for.
I think this kind of thing is good for the soul; it helps us evaluate and even recalibrate our attitude to our lives.

I am thankful for…

1. An active mind and body and I am capable of exercising both (though I probably do body less)

2. A husband whom I love and who loves and understands me, even though we frustrate each other at times

3. A five year old who is amazing, who learns, loves, teaches me (apparently thunder is God dancing) and is an awesome helper and big sister

4. A toddler who is a wonder and a joy (most of the time – we are starting tantrum season)

5. The knowledge, that even in the darkness of the valley, God is near, encouraging me on. I may not know the way but He does

6. The gifts God has bestowed on me, although they can prove frustrating at times

7. Friends both near and far who inspire, encourage, strengthen me, make me think and make me smile

8. The fact that in this economic climate we still have a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs and food on the table

9. Dreams of the future that I cling to even when it seems silly – for they give hope and without hope…?

10. Diane, this is a special thanks to you who gave me my fist blog award, you do all those things in No. seven, thanks for your friendship

One Thing I Keep Working On

Today we had to take our eldest to the hospital, nothing big, just a routine checkup of her hearing loss. Thing is I hate the children's hospital I hate the waiting, I hate the fact they have a huge flat screen tv on the wall in the waiting room but it's not on. I hate that we wait for an hour for a five minute appointment.

Today was not a good day for me. Several things went wrong before we even got to the hospital and I am the sort of person that likes things to go to plan. Then we had to see the audiologist, even though she sees one somewhere else, before we even got in the cue for the Dr. The audiologist then wanted me out of the testing room because my baby wasn't silent, and she wasn't happy with me waiting outside the room in the corridor either.

I got crappy with her. I could have just agreed nicely knowing my daughter wasn't likely to like it too much, but no I had to get grumpy. The only problem is everytime I do this I then have to apologise. It's not even a big battle any more, God doesn't even have to really say anything, it's more like I know the kick in the head is coming so I accept the fact I have to apologise, and I do it. You would think I would know better than to constantly get myself into the same pit, but no, fortunately though the hole is shallower every time.

One day I'm sure I'll walk away from the grumpy response.

A Few Small Words

“You have enough talent to do what you want”.
I have held onto these words for years. They were spoken to me by a director I respected and in my moments of doubt I hold fast to them.

However they aren’t the only words to have had a big impact on my life. More of those in a moment.

Last night I was feeling down. Questioning myself, questioning my ability as a writer, as an actor; questioning whether I’m someone anyone would actually like to be friends with. That may seem silly given my determination to pursue my dreams then again, given that I haven’t yet achieved financial success in either of those areas, maybe not. Not that I’m going to give up just yet.

So anyway back to those words. While I was trying to work my way out from the mire that can so easily pull me down, I was hit by a revelation.

I was once told…
“You do realize you are prickly, difficult to get to know, and that people find it hard to get close to you.” Or words to that effect.

Add to those words these facts : The tone was, I felt, one of - I was the one who needed to change to fit in with this group of people; the message was about how I fit with the women but was being relayed by men; these men were ministers, leaders in a church environment – surely it was there job to encourage and support me not tear me down.

Is it any wonder I still struggle with who I am? Is it any wonder I struggle with the institution of the church?

These people wanted me to fit in with them, to toe the party line. They wanted me to fit in with the status quo. I’m not really sure what I did to warrant their response, I suppose it had something to do with the fact that the women’s activities didn’t really appeal to me; that if I thought something was crap I’d generally say so; that there are times I don’t do surface well; and I don’t like wasting my time.

Whatever the reason/s, these are words that have never really left me. I remember them often but used to consider them annoying more than damaging. How wrong was I? People who were supposed to be friends basically told me that for anyone to like me I had to change who I was. Is it any wonder I get worried about if people will like me?

By no means am I perfect, I know sometimes people don’t appreciate brutal honesty, I know I can be tactless and I have some rough edges. I’m working on those, and on keeping my mouth shut. But I am who I am. My likes, desires, talents and interests are all part of the package. I am no more likely to prefer watching “Sex In The City” over “Peter’s Friends” than I am likely to start wearing makeup every time I step out of my house.

I am who I am: stubborn; gifted; weird; smart; deep; crazy; loving; crappy at housekeeping; passionate; slightly broader across the butt than I want to be; Me!

Be careful what you say, you may never know the impact of your words.

What A Wake Up

Today has been strange.

I found out today something I thought was going good in my life may not be quite what I thought. This thing was something I believed God wanted me to do and something that would change things for us for the better. That's not the strange thing though. This morning when I started my morning prayer time, something I do before getting out of my comfortable bed, God spoke to me.

Now I realise for some reading this, that may seem off the wall to say the least, but it's not the first time He has and I'm sure it won't be the last. This morning though He said I want you to read Romans 8:28. I'm thinking really, why? I know what it says, i read it last night. I was told again to read it.

While I'm not the best at reading my bible regularly or even recently going to church, I do try to be obedient when God speaks, which some means some people really don't understand some of the decisions I've made.

So I read it.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Rms 8:28)

At the time it didn't mean anything specific, it is a familiar verse and I thought God just wanted me to refresh it. Hours later after a few hours worrying about what I found out, my husband told me it wasn't as bad as I thought and God had lead me to that point.

Duh!

Even then it took me a bit of repeating the verse for it to really sink in. It doesn't matter what the situation looks like on the surface, God sees the bigger picture and He is always behind the scenes working things out, even though to us it may not look like it at the time.

In so many things in life we can get complacent, and while I wouldn't say my faith was complacent will say that my understanding of that verse had become form - something I knew and could quote, but not something I was truly holding onto - and when life has you clinging on by the finger tips, as I seem to have been doing, that can be a very bad thing.

Surely in this case the proof is there clearly to see. I had no idea what today would bring, but God did, and He knew if He didn't let me know He had his hand on the situation I could very well fall apart.

Thankyou God for having your hand on me even when I'm sleeping, and your eyes on the path in front of me for those times it gets a bit rough.

If God Never Did Another Thing For Me

If God never did another thing for me would I still love and follow him? This was a challenge in a book I was reading. It’s an interesting but I think flawed question.
My instinct was to say yes. If my faith is real it wouldn’t make sense to let it go if God stopped doing for me. If my dreams being fulfilled relied on me, if getting up and over or falling on my face was all down to me, why should this effect my belief in God or my willingness to follow Him. Then of course once you start thinking about this then you start to wonder about what about if bad things happened? What if something happened to me, my hubby or the girls? Would I get mad, angry? Undoubtedly. Would I rant at God? Probably. Would I shout and scream and do all of that? Yes. But would I stop believing? I don’t think I would.
We in western society find ourselves in an interesting position. For the most part we are comfortable, even safe. Sure crime is on the rise or seems to be and we are currently living with the consequences of a ‘me’ culture but look outside yourself. In other parts of the world you can be killed because of your race, faith, political preferences, because you dressed wrong, expressed an opinion or even had the gall to want to be educated as a woman. I’m pretty blessed. I have a roof over my head, clothes to choose from, a variety of food to eat, furniture, entertainment and even clean water. There are even safety nets if certain things get pulled from under me. Other people aren’t so lucky. Due to where I was born I am living in far more abundance than many and yet if something I take for granted is taken from me…?
Is it not a particularly said state of affairs that we live in a place where we even consider the question, ‘would I still believe?’ What does that say about our faith?
We expect our children to reach adulthood relatively untouched and unscarred, happy and healthy. In other countries they just hope their kids survive. Which leads to the thought, if God is no respecter of persons then He doesn’t value one life more than another, so why should we expect to live our lives untouched by certain things? Has our luxury, our abundance made our faith weak? Are we complacent in our faith? Are our foundations on rock that is rooted deep or are they on the shifting waves of sand?
If God doesn’t do… then I will no longer believe. That is a load of…Well you know what I mean. Christ gave his life so I can have a relationship with God, now and through eternity. Why does God have to keep doing in order for us to believe? Is our faith contingent on what we receive? And is the stuff we refer to in that context material stuff or is it other? Is it love, peace and joy?
Now we come to the flawed part of the question. God is the creator, He is the original giver. He gave life and life everlasting. God can no more stop giving to His children than I can stop giving to my girls. That however does not mean I will always give them every material thing they want. It doesn’t mean I won’t take things from them to discipline them. I will always love them, I will always be there for them and help them work through the tough things and I will always want the best for them. Sure when they are little they may equate love with stuff, more likely though they will just pitch a fit that they didn’t get their own way and they may even say the dreaded ‘I hate you Mum’, but I’d like to hope that once the fit is over we can hug and tell each other ‘I love you’. Hopefully if we do our jobs right they’ll grow out of that phase, they will know we love them regardless of anything going on in our life or theirs.
So why then is our faith in God contingent on getting what we want, when we want it? It is easy to profess faith when all is going well but I have found it is those times I am being squeezed that I grow the most. I may not like it and I may voice my frustration to God, He doesn’t mind that, but it is in the furnace that we separate what is pure and what is impure.
I was in a car accident not long ago. Just my car involved, just me and my baby in the car. The car was a write off. I had bad whiplash, some beautiful grazing and bruising and my baby cut her gum. Essentially it seems the car didn’t want to turn the corner I wanted to turn and we hit a tree. At home that night I was having a bit of a whinge to God: “why did it happen?”; “why didn’t you prevent it?”; “why do these things happen every time we get a little buffer financially?”. In the midst of all my whinging God spoke to me. You want to know what He said to me? “I could have put you in a wheelchair.” Well that shut me up.
Don’t misunderstand. I don’t think God was being vindictive or anything, He was just letting me know in language that would get through to me, that it could have been much worse. A fact many people commented on when they saw pictures of the car. Hearing God say that made me re-evaluate. At least we had the money to get another car. Sure it meant we couldn’t do other things we’d planned like a holiday, but we weren’t going to have to borrow money. It made me re-evaluate other things too, deeper things about my walk with God and what I really wanted out of life. As a result I have made some decisions I had been procrastinating about and things feel better.
Our problem seems to be our perspective. We want God to give but on our terms. We see things very much through the lens of ‘what’s in it for me?’ I want to feel a certain way when I worship and when I pray. I want to know I will always be safe. I want to know I will always be able to get that new pair of shoes I want. I don’t think that’s God’s focus though. I think He is far more focussed on our character and saving those around us. He wants a deeper relationship with us, not one with a foundation of ‘gimme, gimme, gimme’.
Do I wish I had an easier life? Sometimes. Sometimes I wonder why it has been such a struggle and certain things have happened, but if I hadn’t had the experiences I have then I couldn’t say the things I’m saying. I know God walks with us through the trials, I know that sometimes His answers to us are no, just because we don’t like to hear it doesn’t make it an invalid answer.
God gives, He just doesn’t always give us what we want. It is in His nature to give, and He won’t stop doing that, so therefore the question is flawed. Then again depending on our answer maybe it is still a question worth considering. If we think about it honestly maybe we will realise our idea of gifts and God’s idea of gifts can be two different things. The path ahead of me looks a little scary but that’s fine because I have faith that God will walk with me through those scary bits even if He doesn’t take them out of the way.

Mixed Messages

Watching the news the other night something struck me as odd.
A man fell asleep in his lounge only to wake to find someone in his house. They ran, he followed and got hit over the head when he tried to stop them stealing his car. The police response to this is 'don't confront leave it to us'. Two stories later they were reporting on the police raising awareness on campus and the message there was 'the person mostly responsible for your own safety is you'.
Hmmmmm.
So which is it? If you're outdoors then you're responsible for your own safety but if you're at home then leave it to someone else?

First Do No Harm

I can hardly see because of the tears in my eyes and it’s not what someone has done to me or even to anyone I know. What set me off was a story about a mother who told her child she didn’t want the gift he had saved his money to buy for her. This woman has walked out on her marriage and her kids and I just want to slap her or something worse. I know, sometimes my feelings just aren’t very Christian.
I saw that little boy and it looked as though all he really wanted was a mother’s hug. What are we doing to our kids?
There’s this thought that’s been going over and over in my mind the last couple of days and that is I think we need to take something from the Hippocratic Oath – First do no harm.
Forget new years resolutions and prenuptial agreements, forget me first and survival of the fittest. Every year, if not more often, maybe even first thing every day, we should take the oath to – first do no harm. Simple, no caveats, no clauses, no excuses.
This applies to big and small and I’m talking about myself too. I’ve done things I’m not proud of. I’ve hurt people because they hurt me or I thought they would. I’m sure I’ve probably hurt people I’m not aware of. Sure I haven’t killed, abused or any of those things we first think of as hurtful. But we underestimate our words. Before I speak perhaps I should put it through the filter of ‘first do no harm’. Before I act I should ask myself does what I’m about to do pass through that filter?
It’s all very well and good to say ‘what about me? what do I want?’ but think about it, I reckon we would all say we don’t want to be hurt. Why then do we think it’s okay to hurt others. I don’t want to be in this relationship any more; I don’t want to be a parent at the moment; why should I work when I can get welfare or just take what I want from you?; how dare you have something I don’t have; how dare you cut me off; wouldn’t it be fun to throw this rock at that car; or aim this laser at that plane. Even wouldn’t it be a laugh to humiliate, pick on, tease or torture this person. We can’t seem to stop thinking about ourselves. What would happen if everything we did was visited on us in turn? Our crime rate is high. Our divorce rate is high. Our apathy rate is high.
Please just take a minute to think about the poor person who was tortured and humiliated by classmates, and when arrested the parents jump in to defend their kids. Then there are those who do that sort of thing only to amplify the humiliation and pain of the victim by posting the footage of what they did online. How is that acceptable on any level? If there had have been even a hint of me doing something like that I so would’ve copped it. It’s called discipline.
Growing up I learnt that my actions have consequences. Too many people today live as if their actions don’t and the kids must get that attitude from somewhere. If there is one thing I’ve learnt from my eldest, and I know there has been more than one thing, it’s that kids model the behaviour they see, or are exposed to. With younger people displaying so much ‘I deserve, you owe me,’ self-obsession, we need to wonder what they are modelling it on. I’m sure there are some who will lay the blame squarely on the media, but the media often perpetuates society, so we really need to accept our own part in this. Also there will be those who claim there is nothing they can do because parents have been legislated out of disciplining their children, while this may be a contributing factor we cannot avoid the fact that often we simply don’t display the right sort of behaviour.
There are many sayings or ideologies that touch on this; karma, what goes around comes around, even the bible deals with it.

Do not judge and you won’t be judged. Do not condemn and you
won’t be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven. Give and
it will be given to you a good measure pressed down, shaken together
and running over will be poured into your lap. For with the measure
you use it will be measured to you.
Luke 6:37-38

Do unto others what you would have them do unto you
Matthew 7:12

Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also
to the interests of others.
Philippians 2:4

It is by no means a new concept simply an old one it wouldn’t hurt us to revisit and if that means we need to reword it then that’s what we do.
First do no harm. If we can’t do it for ourselves (when we have no problem doing everything else for ourselves) then we need to think of the kids. We need to start modelling a lifestyle that shows happiness and hope not constant selfishness and greed. I know it’s not easy but how about today we put someone else first.

Food Portions In Parliament

Okay, we now live in a country where both our Prime Minister and the leader of the opposition have great personal wealth. To be honest I'm not sure that should be a topic of discussion when parliament is in session, they're both in the same boat and I'm not sure either can claim to be in touch with the common man.
Moving on, what really sticks in my craw, so to speak, is this debate about the size of the food portions served in the parliamentary canteen. The wife of one of the members complained her food portion wasn't big enough. Now I could be wrong, but it looked to me like the woman in question was quite large (though to be fair there were two women in the footage and I'm making the assumption based only of how they were positioned in the frame) and not looking like she's struggling for a meal. This is a problem because the tax payer is paying for her subsidised meals, and pensioners in this country can't afford to buy meat. They can barely buy enough to see them through the week, in fact some can't.
Do we see the problem?
And now the speaker of the house is looking into the issue. Surely there are more important problems than her $7.90 meal not being big enough. Rent or mortgage difficulties anyone?

Shoes

I wanted to do something light and in amongst my pondering something fell into my lap.
“Heelarious” is a new product on the market, stilettos for babies/ toddlers.
I am not joking.
It’s no secret that I don’t know fashion, but please. Heels are bad enough for grown women. Sure we all love a pair of shoes that make our legs look great – even I’m not immune to that, but that doesn’t mean they are something we should be encouraging kids to wear.
The toddler in the footage I saw was crawling with hideous pink squooshy shoes with inch high heels. When the little girl tried to stand, the heel squished down and her feet were turned seriously in, it would be like trying to walk with a stone in your shoes.
We are in the midst of several world wide problems including poor self image in so many of our girls, and women, and here these mothers are perpetuating the problem. When we start pushing image on girls so young (and don’t for a second think it all goes over their heads, there are always sisters and other kids watching) what message do we expect our girls to take through to the awkward tween and teenage years, let alone adulthood.
For heavens sake let our kids be kids.
An interviewer asked one of the creators of she was making a punch line of her child because the kids wouldn’t understand the name. She claimed no, but I think he had a point.
Don’t let vanity put babies in the torture devices we all know heels to be. There will be plenty of time for that later.
Image isn’t everything, surely enjoying childhood is more important.

What Women Do

Grab some chocolate, cake, a glass of wine or a coffee, whatever works for you, and get comfortable, we are going to have a bit of a chat. I am anyway, feel free to join in.
There’s something that’s been simmering away in my thoughts for a while now and every now and then it bubbles to the surface and I express my thoughts calmly and effectively. Actually it’s more like I lecture or rant. It’s to do with the things women do to each other.
It’s so easy to blame all our problems on men – it may even be instinctual but I think if, as women we had an attitude adjustment towards other women, it would make a big difference. Not all our problems would be solved, I’m not naïve enough to believe there is a silver bullet out there that will make all the bad things go away, but I really think some parts of our lives would be run more smoothly as a result.
Before I go on there is something I need to confess, I’m not a girly type of girl. I don’t have loads of girlfriends, I probably couldn’t identify fashion if it bit me on the butt and makeup and I are mere acquaintances. However I am very definitely a woman and I have experienced many of the things other women have. Some of those things I’d like to talk about now and some I’ll leave for later.
Let’s start with the distant past.
I was not popular in school. I was teased in high school nearly every day. When it happens like it did to me it just becomes something that happened, there was no one particular time that really stands out. The thing is though it wasn’t guys who picked on me, it was girls. I don’t think the guys really noticed I was there unless they wanted help with something. Most of it was to do with having a brain that worked well, I wasn’t athletic or pretty and the teachers liked me. Funny thing was if none of the popular girls were around some of the popular guys could be downright nice to me. But the bottom line is by the time I got to senior high I’d built quite a wall around my emotions and had developed quite a thick skin. Neither of which prevented me from being hurt or wanting to be accepted but I convinced myself it helped.
When I was 16 I started a new school and mum introduced me to the daughter of a friend of hers. I’d just come from boarding school and this was an automatic in with the popular girls. Needless to say I didn’t fit in and one of them pulled me aside one day to tell me they didn’t want me to hang with them anymore. The reasons were silly but it was high school; I didn’t want to date older guys, sleep around, or party all weekend. I was bad for their reputation. When this happened more defences were built around my emotions. No matter how much I said it didn’t matter it was another thing that resulted in a lot of insecurities later in life.
Even now just thinking about it I have to wonder if those things are the reasons I don’t have many girlfriends. I have trouble trusting women and their motives. I expect them to hurt me, so I don’t open myself up to them.
We as girls and later as women do so much damage to each other, it’s no wonder so many of us have insecurities and self-esteem issues. It’s about time we thought about things before we said them, thought about the consequences and even how we’d like them said to us. This is something I need to remember as well. All those years of betrayal have left me cynical and somewhat harsh and it very definitely effects how I deal with other women.
Sadly this is something we see a lot of now, girls pulling other girls down for no good reason. It always happened though is seems more vicious and continues well out of school hours now. You don’t even need to be around them to be hassled by someone – don’t you just love technology. People are being bullied, abused and slandered via mobile phones and the internet. I’m sure if you asked people why they do it they would answer: ‘because I can’, or ‘it’s fun’, or ‘I wanted to’. I wonder what those answers say about our own mental states.
There’s a fair chance we hurt others to make ourselves feel better about ourselves but that’s not a good reason. There is no good reason to treat someone else like crap, to beat them down physically, emotionally or verbally. We should be helping each other not pulling each other down. We should be contributing to positive and affirming emotional structure in each other’s lives rather that laying the foundations for multitudes of insecurities. We get enough junk thrust as us from other areas like the media, we really should have each other’s backs. At the very least we should respect each other as females and celebrate the diversity we have.
Which brings me to more recent history. My husband is a musician and this woman went up to him one day, after flirting with him for ages, and asked if he was happy in his marriage. Despite him answering yes she didn’t drop the topic but started asking intimate questions about things like his sex life. Can you see where I’m going with this. This isn’t about something a man did to me, my husband was faithful and my thought is she had no right to do what she did. She knew he was married and had a daughter, he refused her several times but that didn’t stop her disrespecting me by pushing her own lusts forward. If women respected other women this wouldn’t happen. Married or taken men would be off limits. Selfish women wouldn’t try to destroy other women’s lives by pursuing this path. Oh sure adultery is two sided but just imagine if all women decided ‘no I’m not going to do this, you are attached to someone else, I wouldn’t like it done to me so I refuse to do it to her.’
If only we respected other women enough not to pull them down or take what they have. Why do we want men that other women have? Some women will say ‘but my guy wasn’t happy.’ I have two things to say about that. Firstly what makes you think he’ll be faithful to you? And secondly if he’s not happy he needs sort the problems out or get out of the relationship. Relationships can be tough enough without other people coming in and doing their best to undermine all your work.
Issues of faithfulness can affect the strongest of relationships, I never thought they would affect mine. I was wrong. My husband wasn’t completely blameless, he could have reacted differently to certain situations so as to not put himself in particular positions but when it comes right down to it he has made right choices. I am proud of him and love him, and think our relationship is stronger because of how we have dealt with these things. Of course I’m no angel and the resolution wasn’t a pretty picture of calm discussion. Not to mention I’d really like to have smacked this women in the face or more and if I happen to see her again I may be tempted to do just that.
Thing is though she’s not the only one to have tried with my husband. There is one thing I feel necessary to add and that is my husband isn’t the kind of man who goes out of his way to illicit these sort of responses he just happens to be a musician. Just after our first daughter was born a young woman approached my husband and after fishing around for the response she wanted decided on a more straight forward approach, she tried inviting herself back to our place, when he said he was married that didn’t stop her, the next words out of her mouth were along the lines of ‘I suppose you have a daughter too?’ when he said yes she said she wouldn’t do that to his daughter, not an ounce of care about his wife.
Why do we think it’s okay to encroach on someone else’s relationship?
Why do we think it’s okay to hurt another person for fun?
Why do we think it’s justifiable to hurt someone in order to feel better about ourselves?
Maybe just maybe part of the reason women struggle so much is because we do so much to undermine and hurt each other. Don’t you think it’s time we stopped?

Patience

My computer is teaching me patience and I have to say I don’t like it. Patience is one of those things that’s supposed to be a virtue yet in many ways it seems more like an obstacle. Of course that could just be me and that’s probably why it’s one of the things God keeps prodding at me about. Little reminders here and there that even though I have come some distance down this road I’ve still a way to go.
And so I have a five year old laptop and I can’t wait for the day I get to upgrade my hardware, software and have something a little less temperamental. Until then the buzzing sound of my computer’s hard drive is a constant reminder that sometimes I need to wait for things with a little less frustration. My e-mail account will load up – eventually.

RIP Mark

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Fall Of A Man

Last night a current affairs show broke a story that’s been flying around the internet for a few days now. You may have heard it, it’s the one about the guy in ministry who claimed to be dying of cancer and wasn’t. Now sadly as with most things we only really know what the media wants us to know, we are given edited and sometimes incomplete information. There was so much I wanted to know and so much that frustrated me.
For me I think the biggest struggle was the fact that even his family believed his lies. Now I’m married and there is no way my husband would go through something like that without me having met with his drs and gotten very involved, and not just me but then I’m in a family that has drs and nurses in it so you know they’d want the details. Now please understand I’m not coming down on his family I am, like many, simply trying to understand.
I would like to add another facet to this story and that is he is not the only person I know of to have played this part. For the sake of this story I’m going to call this woman Tessa. Tessa came into our lives as a friend of a friend. We welcomed her in and hadn’t known her very long before she announced she had been diagnosed with cancer. We cried with her, offered her our support and so on. During this time she also got engaged. Then for some reason she stopped coming around.
Long story short, it turned out she was a con woman. We later figured out she stopped coming around because she knew we’d tumble to the fact she was lying, as not long before this my mum had died from cancer. Unfortunately the lies didn’t come out until she’d made a mess of her fiancée financially and emotionally screwed over him and others. This little event didn’t come close to lasting two years like this minister’s deception.
It’s easy to sit back, condemn and throw stones but the story cannot end here. I am sure many, many people have been hurt and feel abused by this minister, as someone who has had a loved one die from cancer I’m disgusted at his deception, and yet there is more to be said.
I want to just throw some random thoughts out there.
1. It takes a lot of effort to live a lie like this, it was something he had to choose to do everyday for a very long time, it’s not something he simply fell into.
2. He says he didn’t do it for money, even though it seems quite a bit is involved, that being the case there had to be some payout for what he did. Is it possible it was recognition? The buzz from being known and admired.
3. Last night, and this was the first time I heard this bit, he said part of the reason he did it was to hide his problem with pornography. Don’t get me started there.
It strikes me quite clearly that this is a wake-up call for the church regarding accountability. As someone on the outside looking in, or rather someone who was on the inside and isn’t so sure where she stands now, I’m seeing a lot of surface, a lot of emotional - a cynic might say manipulation. I am also seeing the church making modern day golden calves (Exodus 32). We are putting people on pedestals. This is dangerous, the only one we should worship is God.
Sit up and take notice church, we need to be careful, we need to be accountable, we need to be prepared to ask and answer the hard and personal questions of each other. Above all we need to ensure that popularity and emotion never outstrip the core message of God and his love for everyone of us no matter what we’ve done.

Abundance - pt 2

It takes an abundance of character to follow in the footsteps of our heroes of faith, it doesn’t take an abundance of clothes, music, tv’s, cars, houses, furniture and so on. Paul ends his letter to the Ephesians emphasising the point.

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you
with power through his spirit in your inner being so that Christ
may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you being
rooted and established in love may have power, together with all
the saints to grasp how wide and long, high and deep is the love
of Christ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that
you may be filled to the measure of all fullness of God. Now unto
him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly (immeasurably)
more than all we ask or imagine according to his power that is at
work in us. To him be glory in the church and Christ Jesus through-
out all generations, forever and ever.
Ephesians 3:16-21

Paul doesn’t pray for material stuff, he is focussed instead on God’s power and love. He prays we are strengthened with power, grounded in love, which produces power which brings better understanding on God’s love, which is more valuable than wisdom. All these things seem intrinsically tied together. Love, strength, wisdom and power. They work together to give us quality of life, life to the full. Verse 20 needs to be read as one sentence with verse 21. Twenty describes God’s ability and twenty one states we give Him the glory. Twenty is about what He can do, not a guarantee of what He will do. In particular it is not a guarantee of financial stability, or wealth complete with two or more cars and McMansions for everybody. It may be worth noting here Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego’s ‘however’;

O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before
you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the
God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us
from your hand, o king. BUT EVEN IF HE DOES NOT, we
want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or
worship the image of gold you have set up.
Daniel 3:16-18

These verses clearly show that God is able to do things but that doesn’t mean He will.
Bottom line is I’ve been as guilty as any for misinterpreting these verses but the more I study them the more I’m convinced wealth has nothing to do with it. Can we be wealthy and Christian? Certainly. And God definitely calls certain people to be money makers for his kingdom but he doesn’t call all of us to be. Do I like stuff? Yes. Do I think we all need to give it all up? No. I think we need to seek God out and ask Him what He wants us to do. He will tell us. Some things though are right in front of our eyes. God calls us all to be more Christlike and embrace the purposes He has put aside for us. We are called to be more like David and seek His heart.
It may also be worth noting that a financial reading of the scriptures makes it easy for us to fall away from faith – if we don’t get. It also makes it easy to judge others if they don’t have and it would completely count out a great number of people in this world if our benchmark for faith is financial abundance. Abundance of character and needs to survive, well that’s another matter entirely.

Abundance - pt 1

This is a topic that at times has really frustrated me. There have been moments when I’ve thought the western church focuses on it too much, which really only means I’ve heard a lot of people speaking on abundance and prosperity over the years. Let me give you my thoughts on abundance.
There are four New Testament verses that spring to mind regarding this topic, now I know this isn’t a complete list but these are the verses I’m going to look at over the next two entries.

Matthew 13:12
Whoever has will be given more and he will have an abundance.

Luke 6:38
Give and it will be given unto you, a good measure pressed down,
shaken together and running over will be poured into your lap.

John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come
that they may have life and have it to the full (in abundance/
abundantly)

Ephesians 3:20
Now unto him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly
(immeasurably) more than all we ask or imagine according to his
power that is at work in us.

I think it is important to note that not one of these verses actually says you will have all the money and stuff you want. We like to think they do but if we look at the contexts a rather different picture is painted.
In Matthew the verse is found in a discussion of why Jesus used parables. The verse directly before 12 is

He replied, “The knowledge of the secrets of heaven has been
given to you but not to them.
Matthew 13:11

The verse after is;

This is why I speak to them in parables: “Though seeing they
do not see; though hearing, they do not understand.
Matthew 13:13

The abundance here seems to be referring to wisdom. If you seek wisdom and use wisdom you will gain more and wisdom leads to a balanced and contented life, (look at Proverbs) but not necessarily one full of stuff.
The next verse is the one from Luke, once again take the verse by itself and you could interpret it to mean a whole bunch of things, but for the sake of a little clarity lets look at the verse before it.

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and
you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven.
Luke 6:37

Why then do we assume the very next word, ‘give’, is referring to money? Of course there is the possibility that the only person who thought these things about these verses was me.
Back to Luke. It makes far more sense to consider verse 38 in relation to verse 37. When we do this the meaning that becomes clear to me is: we need to give mercy and grace and be compassionate and these things will be extended to us.
It is probably worth noting here that the good measure is ‘pressed down and shaken’, which to me indicates being put under pressure and roughed up a bit. This then leads to the thought of being tested for purity. Maybe here is where we need to ask ourselves a question; are the things we are giving genuine or are we putting on a façade? Do those feelings truly come from the heart or are we merely going through the motions because we hope to gain from it?
When I look at my life I’d like to be able to say I’ve done things for the right reasons but the truth is I haven’t always. I’ve taken these verses to be talking about money and have said ‘I’ll give’ and believed if I did I would then get the money or stuff I wanted. I’m sure then that means my motives were wrong, I may have been thinking about the cause but I was also thinking of how I could benefit. Self is so devious, maybe that is a topic for another time. When I’ve been pressed down and shaken I’ve come up lacking. Don’t get me wrong I love giving but that’s not the point, there are times I’ve given with wrong motives in my heart and that means the measure I was using was faulty.
When we move on to John we add something else into the mix. This verse is found in the middle of Jesus talking about being a good shepherd. The verse before it is;

I am the gate, whoever enters through me will be saved. He will
come in and go out and find pasture.
John 10:9

So here we are talking about being saved, being given life, which ties right in with verse 10. However it is probably the ‘have it to the full’ bit which is more the sticking point (some translations say ‘in abundance’).
For just a minute I would like to focus on the second half of verse nine, ‘He will come in and go out and find pasture’ The sheep is still responsible for feeding itself and drinking. The shepherd ensures the sheep doesn’t get killed or wander off too far but the rest is up to the sheep. This indicates to me that we have been given eternal life (life even after we die on earth – so I don’t think this is a promise to not let us die here) but within the boundaries of that life we can choose where to go and what to do. If we listen to the shepherd we will have the things we need. The sheep are put in a place to have more than they need but it doesn’t say anything about stuff they don’t need but may want. I realise this may be a simplistic reading of this but Jesus chose to use sheep to make his point not some human organisation. For animals abundance is having more than enough of what they need. We tend to make abundance about wants rather than needs, about material things rather than about anything else.

Two Roads

How much of what has happened to us responsible for where we find ourselves? I don’t know about you but I’m a bit, no a lot, fed up with hearing people say this happened to me that’s why I did this terrible thing, or why I am the way I am. Yes sure our past shaped us but we are responsible for the choices we made and the ones we’ve yet to make. We can’t change what others do to us but we can choose how we react. We can choose the things we do to and for others and the things we do to and for ourselves.
Robert Frost wrote ‘Two Roads diverged in the yellow wood……..’ That’s what every day is like. We have many choices to make everyday, which road do you take?
I like the idea of taking the road less travelled I’ve always felt a little out of kilter with the general population. Sad as it may seem crime, shattered families and dysfunctional lives seem to be the norm, and the goals we strive for appear more important than the means we use to achieve them. Am I the perfect model of a life of integrity and living responsibility? No not by along shot. I try but I’m not always successful. Sometimes integrity is more difficult, less self serving and not as clear cut as we’d like it to be.
There is another double path mentioned in well known literature.

“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and
broad is the road that lead to destruction, and many enter
through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that
leads to life, and only a few find it.
Matthew 7:13-14

Someone asked him, “Lord, are only a few people going
to be saved?” He said to them, “Make every effort to enter
through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try
to enter and will not be able to.
Luke 13:23

It seems to me that often the way the Christian message is presented is that once you become a Christian you will find yourself on the wide and easy path. However the bible doesn’t say that. It says

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I
will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from
me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find
rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden
light.
Matthew 11:28-30

The important thing to note is that there is a burden. We are burdened without God and we are burdened when we walk with God but it is a different type of burden. The game plan given to us is exchange our burden for his, learn from him and we will find the burden light and we will be able to rest.
We are also told,

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trails
of many kinds…
James 1:2

Surely this means we should expect trials. We would be naïve to expect a wide, smooth and clear path when clearly we are being warned that the way will be tough.
This seems to indicate that God is more interested in developing us as people than he is in making sure we are comfortable along the way. God wants to shape us into the people he knows we can be, not into a group of people who sit in the comfort of their own lounge room, debating theories of eschatology or the minutiae of theology, while the world passes them by.
The bible uses concepts like purifying and refining. Think about that for a minute when you purify water you boil it and when you refine metal? Great heat. We often don’t like to think about that. When the fires of life are turned up and the pressure rises it’s very tempting to get out of the kitchen. God however wants us to stay.
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego literally were refined with great heat. We all know they came out, we focus on that but I think far more important is their ‘however’.

O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before
you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the
God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us
from your hand, o king. BUT EVEN IF HE DOES NOT, we
want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or
worship the image of gold you have set up.
Daniel 3:16-18 (emphasis mine)

These men knew they might die and they accepted that. They knew how to withstand the heat. Do we? Would we be able to stand our ground and do what we know to be right, what God is calling us to do, when the price could be so high? Can we keep our integrity when the pressure builds? Can we keep going forward when the trees close in and the path becomes rocky and difficult to see? Can we make the right choice?
So we are promised trials, races and fires, not to mention temptations, and we are not guaranteed a completion of the vision in our lifetime? So where does that leave the safe comfortable faith that seems to be promised a lot?
Hebrews 11 is the hall of faith, it’s kind of interesting to note that we seem to look at the names and skip right over the unnamed others listed at the end of that chapter.

Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained
and put in prison. They were stoned; they were sawed in two;
they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheep-
skins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated – the
world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts,
mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground. These were
all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what
had been promised.
Hebrews 11:36-39

These are the people who knew and understood that faith came with a price. There are vast numbers of people in our history who stand in that cloud of witnesses who understood that too. Agathonice of Pergamos; Agatha of Catania; Julitta of Caesaea; Afra of Augsburg; Crispina of Thagara; Perpetua, these women all gave their lives for their faith. Then there are those who stepped out into strange lands, unfamiliar cultures to bring their faith to those who didn’t know, these women knew hardship like a great many of us couldn’t possibly know. There are many, many women whose names we don’t know but who chose to live by the faith they professed, they forged trails and did incredible things, that’s the sort of faith that speaks to me. Theirs is a faith that isn’t flashy or showy, it doesn’t scream at you but they lived it.
There are many, many women around us whose actions aren’t publicised or written about but their faith is just as profound and they are often more influential than they realise: The woman who does her best to raise happy, well adjusted children in the face of poverty or other hardship; the woman who reaches out to others even though her life was almost destroyed at the hands of another; the young woman who miscarried the child she desperately hoped for who wraps her arms around the teenager who has just found out she is pregnant and doesn’t know what to do. There are many more examples everyday of these awesome women of faith I want to share one from my life. My mother was a woman like that. We didn’t have much and the hardships we faced were compounded by the fact my father was an alcoholic but she always did her best and taught me so many valuable lessons. While she never would have thought much about her influence in the lives of others when she died her funeral was standing room only out of the doors. People came from many miles away just to be there to say goodbye and many stood to share what she meant to them. Her faith was quiet, solid but very passionate, deep and true. That’s the sort of faith that speaks to me.
The fire, the passion, to hear what God was saying to them and the courage to do it, that’s inspiring. We’re not all called to be martyrs, and we’re not all called to be missionaries but we are all called, and if we answer that call my guess is it’s going to require us to step out of our comfort zones and allow God to stretch us.
I wonder if you could say that modern faith has two roads, the narrow and the wide and we’ve fooled ourselves into believing that the wide path is the narrow one by virtue of the fact it is narrower than the one the world outside travels down. After all God answers prayer, and wants us to live in abundance, all we need to do is follow a few simple rules.
I don’t know how my courage is, I’m trying everyday to step where I believe God is asking me to step. All I know is that I want something deeper than the faith I’ve known for so very long.
Also when you think about it, for all the problems there are on the narrow road, the path less travelled hasn’t proven unpassable, look at the people who have gone before us. We all start from a different place and we all travel it differently but we have chosen to travel it. So I say hello weary traveller, lets walk together for a while. You are not alone.

Broken People

We are all broken people! We all have our cracks and imperfections, even gaping big holes. Not one of us is perfect. Yet God loves us anyway. He loves us all the same. He is no respecter of persons; a poor man or woman who seems to have nothing is as much the focus of God’s attention and as able to be a recipient of His love as the man or woman living in the mansion in the posh suburb with the cars, pool, tennis courts, boats and whatever else money can buy. Sometimes it’s easy to forget but brokenness transcends race, creed and socio-economic background.
It is something that affects us all but none of us like to admit we are broken. The thing with being broken is that it means something isn’t functioning the way it is meant to. Smashed to pieces or a loose wire, a stereo won’t work properly either way. Lots of things are the same, including people. Not everyone is smashed but I’m pretty sure most of us have, or have had at some time, a loose wire or two. These may not stop you functioning but they may mean you’re not functioning to the capacity for which you were made.
Broken in relation to a person, can cover such a vast number of things; from abused and crushed to those things which cause us to hold back from engaging with others. It can also include that drive inside us that seems to lead us to; relationships with the wrong people, hurting others before they can hurt you, addictions. The list can go on.
But no matter what the brokenness is they all have a couple of things in common: 1. the only person who can instigate the healing process is ourselves; 2. not one of us is so broken that God can’t love us and make it so we can function at our own personal capacity.
Let’s focus one point one for a minute. We are the only one who can make the decision to not allow our brokenness to hinder us. Others can tell us what the problem is or what to do about it but unless we acknowledge the problem and chose to do something about it, nothing will change. There are a couple of steps here, acknowledge and change. You can’t chose to change if you don’t first acknowledge and acknowledging can be embarrassing. We don’t want people to know we have a problem even if it’s obvious to them. We’d much rather have others think nothing is wrong or that we are happy being broken, no matter how much hurt we cause ourselves and others in the process.
Once we have acknowledged our brokenness one of the choices we can make is to allow God to step into our lives, take our brokenness and make something whole, beautiful and unique out of it. We can go down into the pit of blame, excuses and victim mentality or we can go up and know that with help we can reach our fulfilment and probably somewhere along the way the beautiful creation we’ve become, scarred though we may be, will be able to reach out to someone else and offer them a hand as they try to scramble out of the pit.
God is able to heal and renew, He loves us that much, but He also loves us so much He allows us to experience the things that cause us to grow. We need to remember here that many things happen in our lives because of the choices we make. God won’t take our free will and ability to think for ourselves away from us when we choose to follow Him. Despite this He is able to take the bad situation, however we got there, and turn it around.

You intended it to harm me, but God intended it for
good to accomplish what is now being done, the
saving of many lives.
Genesis 50:20

And we know that in all things God works for the
good of those who love him, who have been called
according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28

Following this train of thought, if we choose these things can help us to flourish, even though it may be extremely difficult to see how at times. All these things contribute to our uniqueness. No brokenness is beyond God’s ability to repair if we are just willing to work with Him. It’s not God who puts us one the shelf to be forgotten and collect dust, nor does He put us in the ‘too hard’ basket, we do a good enough job of that ourselves. It isn’t God who expects us to be perfect, it’s us. God isn’t one to wrinkle His nose up at our perceived imperfections, rather He sees them as the very things that give us value and uniquely suit us to the purpose He has for us.
It’s important to remember that God likes to work through His children. We are here to help each other, not to stand in isolation like an ornament on a shelf. Like the wire that has been resoldered you can see where the fault was and the repair has been made, so it is with us. If we embrace our repairs we can help others find the way to the repair shop and they will know, because of how we function, that they are in good hands.

Circus

My hubby took our eldest to the circus on the weekend. She had a blast, in fact they both did but he came back with some interesting information. This particular circus has been banned from certain suburbs because they have animals, now you need to understand something here, by animals I mean horses, dogs and goats. Yep not an elephant or tiger to be seen. So why have they been banned? Because animal rights activists says it’s abuse. What to have dogs jump and frolic in front of people – when I had dogs they liked nothing better. Or is it the horses jumping over things and being ridden. Maybe it’s the goats? No apparently it is the fact they have been trained.
I just don’t get it all these animals are ones we can keep as pets or ones we use for a purpose. Where does the line get drawn? What’s next – race horses, guide dogs, heck I hope you don’t like goats cheese or wool. Soon you won’t even be allowed to have pets because if this legislation continues you won’t be allowed to train anything for any reason. I guess that means the end pet dogs to protect houses from burglars. Oh there goes insurance rates again. And definitely no more pony rides for little girls.

Something Short and Sweet

Last night while talking to my five year old I said I was beautiful, she replied with,

"You're a girl, all girls are beautiful."

If only we were able to remember that.

I knew the day would come but I thought I had a few years before I heard,

"But Mum I know everything."

and at only five what's she going to be like at fifteen.

Dancing In The Rain

When was the last time you danced in the rain? Have you ever danced in the rain? I have. Are you laughing at me? Well you shouldn’t knock it till you try it. Just like rain can break oppressive, humid weather, rain can break an oppressive mood.
It rained today for the first time in fifty or so days (well it did when I first wrote this) It rained, really rained and I got really wet taking my daughter in to school. I realized when I was almost back at the car I was missing a great opportunity. For days we had been complaining/commenting/moaning about the heat, and now it was brisk and wet and we were seeing it as an inconvenience to getting the kids to school.
So I stopped, put the brolly down and did a little dance near my car with my baby. Later when I was home I went outside and danced and spun and laughed in that rain and if felt so good.
It’s been a long time since I’ve done that. I have to admit when I first went outside I thought people would think I was weird, but then so what, besides those who know me best think I’m weird anyway and I like it that way.
Sometimes I think we just need to forget what others may think and just do something a little silly and a lot fun to remind ourselves that we shouldn’t take life too seriously, after all it’s a much better experience if you actually enjoy it.
So the next time it rains why don’t you risk a few sideways glances, step into the droplets and spin around. And for good measure sing aloud (if you’re me that means not necessarily in key) – ‘I’m singin and dancing in the rain.’
Feel the rain on your face and your tongue. Feel the bite of the breeze as it cools you down. Let go of everything but the sensation of the moment and allow yourself to feel joy like you did perhaps as a child. Maybe you could even jump in a few puddles just for a laugh. As you do so allow the stress that’s been building up or the depressions that’s been pulling you down, to let go of you as you let go of it.

Unforgiveness

I think unforgiveness is something we all have to face up to at some time, even if we don’t want to admit it. We all have things we hold onto. For me a lot of those things had to do with rejection one way or another; from my father, my peers, the opposite sex.
My dad wasn’t affectionate when I was growing up, unless he was drunk, which is problem number two. He’s a smart man and somehow my A’s and B’s were never quite good enough for him. When I was a teenager and he wasn’t working it always seemed to me that he was more interested in other people’s problems than his own family, more into helping others. I sacrificed growing up to pull up the slack I believed he was leaving and it took a long time to get over that, to forgive him and let it go. Now though our relationship is pretty good and I no longer feel angry or resentful when I see him or talk to him.
Rejection of my peers, female and male was something I convinced myself didn’t matter. I built up emotional walls and tried to make myself immune but if I really looked I still had feelings pent up regarding what had been said to and about me. It wasn’t until I was in the UK that I realised I’d let go of all of that. One night on the tube I realised I was happy with who I’d become and sorry for those who laughed at my expense. Sure these things formed me and I accept and understand that but they no longer have a hold over me. Those things from the past have no power over me they are simply things that happened.
I think we underestimate the power of forgiveness. We live in a society so dominated by self on so many levels, yet we ignore one of the healthiest things we can do for ourselves. We don’t let go of the hurts that have been inflicted on us. We are determined to either exact revenge in various ways or blame others and the things we’ve had done to us for our actions: ‘I abuse because I was abused’, ‘I killed them because they picked on me’.
By holding onto these things we perpetuate the cycle of deterioration. Do we really want to give others that much control over us? Is it really that hard to move on? I’ve heard people tell of how miserable their lives are because they were picked on years ago, yet when the bully is confronted by it they don’t remember. The doer isn’t the one whose life has been cramped, it’s the person who won’t let go that suffers. What forgiveness does is allow us to move on with our lives, it allows us to live in the present and for the future rather than in the past.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting and it doesn’t mean what was done is okay. I think both these concepts trip us up, we don’t want to give people the wrong idea, the idea that certain things don’t matter. The pain we experience does matter and forgiveness doesn’t suggest that it doesn’t. What forgiveness does is allow us to pick ourselves up and move on. It allows us to function in a healthy way even though we have scars, bruises and imperfections.
Of course there is a world of difference between the sorts of things people can do to each other, some things are very obviously more horrible and there are definitely things out there I would struggle with forgiveness for. In fact there are things I struggle with that don’t even involve me directly. So by no means am I a virtue of forgiveness, I am simply trying to point out that maybe it is time we re-evaluated. Time we took a good long look at our lives and the unnecessary baggage we are carrying around, and time we let go of some of it. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy but maybe we owe it to ourselves to give it a shot.
The bible is all about forgiveness. Jesus Christ preached forgiveness, he lived forgiveness and some of his last words were about forgiveness. If it wasn’t so important he wouldn’t have spent so much time on it.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your
heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not
forgive men their sins, you Father will not forgive your sins.
Matthew 6:14-15

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked “Lord how many times
shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to
seven times?”
Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy
seven times.
Matthew 18:21-22

Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they?
Has no one condemned you?”
“No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now
and leave your life of sin.”
John 8:10-11

When they came to the place called the Skull, there they
crucified him, along with the criminals – one on his right, the
other on his left. Jesus said “Father forgive them, for they do
not know what they are doing.”
Luke 23:33-34


Unforgiveness has the ability to block up so much of our lives, to block up our joy, our happiness and even our very potential. It can stop us in our tracks. Forgiveness isn’t necessarily an easy thing but then a lot of things in life aren’t, and though we may wish they were it doesn’t stop us doing them. How much do I know that?
There are times forgiveness appears impossible. People can do truly horrid things to other people. So how do we let go of that stuff? Well I guess the only answer is to say not easily and not alone.
We need to change our focus, our heart attitude, and sometimes that takes time. The truth is I don’t know if it can be done without faith. Faith can anchor us and help us change. Faith can help us see a positive future when the place we are in seems so dark. I think it’s hard to take the step to forgiveness but I think it’s the best thing for us, it’s something that enables us to move on. For as long as it takes we can ask God for the grace to forgive and He will walk step by step with us through these tough and trying times.
Do we ever stop to think if we are holding on to any unforgiveness? Chances are we don’t. Sometimes things in this area are obvious but a lot of the time it’s probably fair to say we over look things. In my case the teasing thing and the Dad thing are both things I feel I’ve dealt with, both things that at one point or another I have said “I forgive them for those actions’, but there are people in my life at the moment who do things I constantly have to let go of. There are a couple of people I know who seem to have things land in their laps even when they’ve discarded their faith. Even to the point where we have wanted something and their actions have meant we couldn’t have it, then they turn around a bit later and say look what I’ve been given and it’s the very thing we wanted only they’ve been given it with an upgrade. Sometimes it’s easy to resent them and turn to God saying ‘what do we need to do to get a break?’ or ‘how could you give that to them?’. The truth is it is a much healthier attitude to say ‘okay God’ and let it go, even if it’s not an easier one.
What does all this have to do with forgiveness? Well that’s easy. When something like this happens we are more likely to take the path of resentment and the person we are resenting probably isn’t even aware of it. So we need to forgive them for their attitude to us, their use of us, their carelessness of our feelings or whatever it is and let the forgiveness help us let go of the resentment. Resentment is one of those things that can really twist us up.
Sometimes the person we need to forgive is ourselves. We are all stupid and do stupid things on occasion. Or maybe that’s just me.
The other thing tied to forgiving is we need to accept the forgiveness of others and of God. Both those things are tricky because they both require us to acknowledge that we are capable of doing things that require forgiveness, but not doing either of these can also hold us back and twist us up. Accepting God’s forgiveness is sightly more layered in that if we can’t or don’t accept it we are basically saying that whatever we have done is bigger than God, bigger than the sacrifice that was made on the cross for us. Do you really want to be saying that to God?
On the upside we probably forgive many times a day without realising it: when we get cut off in traffic and choose not to let it ruin our day; when someone says or does something that is insensitive or mean and we chose not to take offence; every time we try not to be the elephant that never forgets.
Forgiveness helps us move forward and have more control on our lives. It also protects us because it helps us to be more even in our character and less susceptible to every little thing that isn’t exactly as we want it. Let’s face it we could all do with a little less stress in our lives.
So maybe we should take a little time, stand back and evaluate.

Journey Home

Further entries from this journal novel can be found at http://www.webook.com/project/Journey-Home. If someone happens to be following the story and would prefer me to keep posting here please let me know.

The Oasis

Further chapters of this novel can be read at http://www.webook.com/project/The-Oasis. Unless anyone actually happens to be reading it and wants it still posted here, in which case please let me know.

Hatred and Bitterness

I read a blog a couple of days ago that didn’t quite leave me speechless, not much actually does that, but it did provoke me. I found this blog when cruising a fan group of one of my favorite shows. Yes without shame I admit I really like television and films, (let me clarify, shows with actors in them). Anyway this blog rips apart episodes of this show – which while I find that interesting is of no real consequence here. What is more interesting is the venom that just about spits off the page directed not only at the fictitious characters but also at the creator and writers of the show, eventually degenerating into a personal attack on the creator and his wife, people it would be fairly safe to assume the female writer doesn’t know personally.
Bemused I read further and could come to only one conclusion, this girl had been very, very hurt by men. Hatred of everything and everyone male burns off the page. Not just in regards to pop culture where for her a man in drag, or a military woman calling her commanding officer ‘sir’ is demeaning to women (the list goes on), she also spews out on the violence perpetuated by men on women and children. The latter is something I think should be considered terrible according to anyone’s personal paradigm, however she completely ignores the crimes perpetuated by women. Sure the numbers may be different but any number is horrible. Just because someone does something terrible doesn’t mean we can tar everyone of that race, faith or gender with the same brush.
I have no doubt that she would hate me without even knowing me simply because I am about to defend men. I feel I have to…no I want to, because most of the men I know do not deserve the venom she is spitting out.
Men are capable of caring for and loving children appropriately. Men are capable of loving and caring for a women. Not all heterosexual sex is rape. These statements of mine are in direct opposition to statements of hers.
My husband isn’t perfect, he’d be the first to agree but then again neither am I. We’ve both done things we’re not proud of, most of us if we’re honest probably have. Yes I cook for my husband but I like cooking and quite honestly he’s not that good at it, unless it’s BBQ. Yes I do the washing and stuff but he could and would if I really wanted him to and we’d run out of clean clothes. He does other things for me which I view as far more important. He changed jobs so I could pursue my passions; he supports and encourages me even when things don’t turn out the way we want them to in our wildest dreams. He is the best father I know. He stands by my side, he doesn’t dominate, denigrate, hate or rape me.
Men aren’t perfect, neither are women and neither sex is wholly responsible for the state of things. And to advocate wholesale hatred at one or the other is wrong and sad.
Bottom line I feel sorry for this girl. I can’t imagine living with so much hate in me. I can’t see how you can be so spiteful and bitter and still enjoy life. I can’t imagine being so narrow minded that I cannot allow for diversity in race, gender, faith or thought. There is probably no-one who knows me who agrees with me all the time and I’m okay with that. In fact it’s a good thing really because it encourages me to think things through better or differently and the even learn and grow.
That much hatred has to spring from somewhere. Interesting to note that one of the words in her blog title is poison, because that’s exactly what I see when I read her work. It is spreading out and poisoning others yes but unlike the venom animals carry in their bodies hatred spreads slowly and kills the host body. Living with hatred closes ourselves down to so many things. For this girl it is the beauty of a marriage as a marriage is meant to be; and the power of the love a father has for a child, or a man can have for a woman or a woman can have for a man. Many things that I see and experience and make my life richer.
Sometimes I wonder if I focus too much on the negatives in my life and then I read something like this and I realize I have so much to be thankful for and that I really don’t focus on the negatives all that much. It also serves as an incredible reminder to make sure I don’t allow hatred to take root in me at all because once you do it can spread and take control of your life. Even if you think you’re in control you’re not – the hatred is. Hatred gives the control of our lives over to the hands of others, you live on the back step blaming and finding fault, surely it is a dark and unhappy place to live. Hatred is vile and sneaky and destructive and more than anything it is why we need to live our lives practicing forgiveness.
Which will be the topic of my next blog.