Mother's Day

A day many of us get breakfast in bed and an excuse for gifts that let us know the stuff we do as a mother doesn't go unnoticed, even if it feels it does most of the time, or our kids tell us they hate us.
Mother's Day for me though brings mixed feelings and I'm pretty certain I'm not the only one. My mum is no longer here.

My mother died when my eldest was 3 months old. That was more than 10 years ago now and I still miss her terribly. Often it's not something that enters my head, it isn't a constant aching loss, but that makes it hurt no less. Days like today I am profoundly aware of just what she, I and my children have missed out on. They never knew her. I wish so much that that was different. She was such a wonderful mother to me. She was a quiet, peaceful and fun influence on my life.

We didn't have much but it didn't matter because we had her and she gave us everything she could; which included a solid work ethic, good grounding in life skills like cooking and using what you have to get by. She taught me to sew, encouraged me to be crafty and make things for others, and accepted what were probably very dodgy efforts on my behalf as valued gifts.

My mother also wasn't afraid to have fun and laugh at herself. She was the one who taught me the value of a good practical joke. There were stories of going to camps and hanging all the boys clothes down at a nearby bus shelter. Being fined at the start of the same camps simply because of who her sisters were and deciding if that was the way it was she may as well make the most of it.

There were cousins who made the mistake of trusting my mother and her sisters and their mother (Oma) with things like wedding luggage - oops, a mistake I knew not to repeat. I didn't pack a honeymoon bag, so my mother put rice through all my luggage. More fool her though she taught me well. When I dropped in to grab my stuff before the reception I emptied my whole bag in my parents bed, picked my clothes out and remade their bed. They were picking rice out of the carpets for months. She also taught me how to short sheet a bed.
She may not have understood the creative force that drives me but she supported it. She was the calm in our, at times, chaotic storm. She stood strong in the face of adversity, even the cancer that eventually took her life. She was warm and generous of spirit. The thought of disappointing her was a more powerful motivator than her anger.
Faith for her was rich, deep and real. She hurt at the end when well meaning people of faith insisted she wasn't getting healed because she must have had some unacknowledged sin in her life or some other crap. I was so angry with them. But she'd call me up when she was down and I knew it was my job to make her laugh. So we'd come up with silly things like hanging up a huge pink parachute from the roof at her wake and having white liquid spurt all over people like a boobie leaking milk.
I remember this one time at the airport when she'd just gotten her fake boobs (she never had reconstructive surgery these were just like prosthetic ones that filled out a bra for the times she wanted that). She took it out of its box and was passing it around so we could feel it. The poor guy sitting near us had no idea what to say or really where to look. Even when she was sick she kept her sense of humour.

There are times even now I wish I could just ring her up and ask her questions, or share things with her. I have no idea what she would think about what I do now, or how I am as a mother, I only hope I can be half as good at it as she was, if I can do that then maybe my girls will have a good grounding for their lives.

Not Where I Started Going

(I started going in a different direction with this post then it went this way.)

I keep meaning to write for this blog, I really do. I even have some really good rants half done in my head. Problem is with a bunch of them they are time appropriate. If I don't get them down at a certain time they no longer seem so relevant.

I will however take a moment to reflect on gender stereotypes. This is one that bugs me on a regular basis and I know I'm not the only one. It goes through strong movements on line and then periods where people move on to different topics.

Today is a good day to reflect on it even briefly though.

The cast for the new Star Wars film has been announced. Yes others will be announced further down the line I'm sure, and no one really knows what it's going to be about yet. Or at least not in detail. The problem I have is the problem many fans have - 'What the hell happened to the awesome female characters'?

No offence to Princess Leia but seriously the extended universe has some amazing characters that aren't even getting a look in. Sure I understand not wanting to delve into the extended universe that already stands but that is no excuse to ignore the fantastic inroads it has made, especially for the universe's young female fans.

My eldest cried when Ahsoka said she was leaving, then again when told that was the end of the show. These characters give our girls something different to model themselves on. I much rather she watch Star Wars, Stargate and Firefly, than those vapid shows about boys and girls and girls trying to get a boyfriend. Meeting Amanda Tapping was a magical experience for her.

Now though one of her favourite franchises is returning to some out dated male centric story line. Give me a break. We girls are sick of being told the weapons are for boys whilst the dresses and makeup and kitchen utensils are for us. (At least in the kitchen are knives…never piss me off in the kitchen.) Women are strong and capable and more and more of us are at the point where we've had enough of the airbrushed crap that is served up to us.

We need to remember that we are who we are, we don't need to live up to some ugly old man's version of beauty, or some insecure media personality's idea of acceptable looks. We should be happy with who we are. I want my girls to be true to themselves. If that means tattoos and a shaved head, then so be it. If they prefer a suit to jeans then fine. If they want to create a kick-arse female superhero who's bits are (heaven forbid) covered by fabric, then more power to them.

Girls are no longer restricted to the home boys. We are out there; in the work place, on the sporting field, in space, in the labs, kicking your arse at on-line video games. Wherever you are we can be. Sci-fi and fantasy has often been groundbreaking in shattering the stereotypes, now is not the time for it to go back on that. Let's keep going forward.