Just when you figure you are going along just fine something comes along and sideswipes you. There have been a couple of things in the last few weeks that have ratcheted up the stress levels. I'm not really sure I can talk about them just yet, not because they are too raw but because some things are a little time sensitive.
Blogging is a good way to think through things, vent at stupid things and even help others through your own experiences. It also means all you post is out there for anyone to look at, including potential employers. Anyone can cyber stalk you and if you say something in the heat of the moment on line sometimes it can come back and bite you on the butt. The truth is it can do that in real life as well but because it is so much more private we often forget about that. The internet can make even the smallest stuff up a much bigger one.
Do I regret the thing that happened this week? No not really. It has made things in my life a little uncertain for the moment but in the long run, I can already see that it was a good thing. Also in the process it has given me the opportunity to remind myself of a few things. So while a life in a state of flux may cause a little stress, it can also be a great opportunity to re-evaluate and I've come to the conclusion I still like myself, the alternative is to not be me and become boxed into the role others would have me fill.
I've never been very good at fitting into boxes.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Life Marches On
Well this week was trying. That is the nicest way to put it. My frustration with work seems to be on an ever increasing curve. Any one who has ever working in retail knows that some customers are just a pain in the butt. I know this, I've dealt with my fair share of them. One particularly painful one this week caused me more than a little grief, and has solidified my desire to find a new job.
Truthfully I feel as though my brain basically turns to mush when I go to work. The only time I really think is when I'm writing during my moments at the register. Shelving and asking 'Is there anything I can help you with today?', requires exactly no thought power what so ever. I could probably do it in my sleep.
So this week I updated my CV, not just made sure that all the details were up to date but gave it a complete overhaul. So now I am in possession of a great and professional looking CV.
Truthfully I feel as though my brain basically turns to mush when I go to work. The only time I really think is when I'm writing during my moments at the register. Shelving and asking 'Is there anything I can help you with today?', requires exactly no thought power what so ever. I could probably do it in my sleep.
So this week I updated my CV, not just made sure that all the details were up to date but gave it a complete overhaul. So now I am in possession of a great and professional looking CV.
There's just one thing sitting in the back of my mind, and in more honest moments like now more at the front. I am close to 40. I have lived and worked in two countries, I have a degree and an associate diploma and I've run my own small business but... It's the but that keeps creeping up on me. Who is going to give a woman of my age a chance at a new career? Do I think I can do these jobs I'm applying for? Sure? Will there be things I need to learn? Sure but every new job is like that. I'm not a stupid person but I am passionate and have my dreams, and I'm not ready to let them go, it's just I'm ready to find a different way to live while still working on them. I want to learn more things. I want to do more things. I want a change and a challenge. I thrive on a challenge. I love to be pushed. But... who is going to look beyond a CV filled mostly with retail and hospitality experience to the potential I believe I have?
Sometimes I want to jump up and down and say 'experience in life counts', and 'I've been working since I was 10' (my first job was stacking shelves), 'my work ethic is solid just give me a chance'.
Here I am; sitting at my desk on a Saturday night, blogging and applying for jobs, in between doing dishes, being a mother and wanting to write all night instead of thinking I'd better go to bed earlier than that because my munchkins will want my attention on the morrow.
Life, it surely does march on. Here's to challenge, focus, passion and a drive to do something more.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Fads and Things
This week has proven one thing if you are part of nearly any online community and that is social networking can be a powerful thing. One particular campaign has saturated my twitter feed and Facebook this week and I'm not going to mention it by name so I don't get lumped into the category of using a popular topic to self promote myself. Though if it was the right topic I may do just that, a good profile generates publicity which can generate income which is not a bad thing. Any how I have ranted to hubby about this thing so I will endeavour to keep this entry brief.
When something generates a lot of chatter in social media it can be a good thing or a bad thing, heaven knows there have been plenty of bad things. However the campaign this week fits into both categories. With something that gains this much momentum there will always be detractors and yes I have read some of their points and some of the good ones, so I don't feel I'm going into this biased one way or another. The bad is to do with money, predominantly and it is a shame when that overtakes any good. The good however is that people's eyes have been opened to something they otherwise may have stayed closed to - awareness is often a very good thing.
My personal opinion is that this campaign overlooks a couple of very important issues - firstly when the head is cut off of a terrible organisation chances are it won't collapse but someone else will step into the vacant place and that could be a very bad thing; secondly what happens to those caught up in this issue, those directly affected who have been trained/brainwashed/done terrible things to survive? There has been no talk about this and to be honest that is probably the things that disturbs me most.
What I would like to pull out of this fad is a suggestion, take it or leave it as you will - why don't you find out about a topic that gets your blood boiling and raise awareness about that. For me there are a couple of things that at various times get me ranting - domestic violence, self harm and human slavery. I have blogged about all these things and if you get me on the right (or wrong) day then you will get an earful about any of these things.
Fads can serve a purpose but maybe not jumping on the band wagon isn't a bad thing, maybe there are other things out there that you are able to raise awareness about, even if only one person listens - knowledge is power after all. Not everyone has their own voice, maybe you can help someone else find theirs.
When something generates a lot of chatter in social media it can be a good thing or a bad thing, heaven knows there have been plenty of bad things. However the campaign this week fits into both categories. With something that gains this much momentum there will always be detractors and yes I have read some of their points and some of the good ones, so I don't feel I'm going into this biased one way or another. The bad is to do with money, predominantly and it is a shame when that overtakes any good. The good however is that people's eyes have been opened to something they otherwise may have stayed closed to - awareness is often a very good thing.
My personal opinion is that this campaign overlooks a couple of very important issues - firstly when the head is cut off of a terrible organisation chances are it won't collapse but someone else will step into the vacant place and that could be a very bad thing; secondly what happens to those caught up in this issue, those directly affected who have been trained/brainwashed/done terrible things to survive? There has been no talk about this and to be honest that is probably the things that disturbs me most.
What I would like to pull out of this fad is a suggestion, take it or leave it as you will - why don't you find out about a topic that gets your blood boiling and raise awareness about that. For me there are a couple of things that at various times get me ranting - domestic violence, self harm and human slavery. I have blogged about all these things and if you get me on the right (or wrong) day then you will get an earful about any of these things.
Fads can serve a purpose but maybe not jumping on the band wagon isn't a bad thing, maybe there are other things out there that you are able to raise awareness about, even if only one person listens - knowledge is power after all. Not everyone has their own voice, maybe you can help someone else find theirs.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Where I'm Going, Not Forgetting Where I've Been
I had my first army reserves interview this week. It was productive, a little funny and a bit thought provoking.
Let me address those concepts one by one. The productive first I think. I did very well in my general ability/math test, to the point where I can apply for what ever roll I want, the only things that appeared to be off the table were the roles that are available to men only. I took my uni grades not lower high school grades and they wouldn't accept them - said I was over qualified. Also you have to fill out a very comprehensive medical questionnaire. This may be where I have a hiccough. I filled it out honestly which means to the question 'have you ever self harmed?' I answered yes. Of course I was not impressed with the fact self harm was lumped into the same question as suicide, because I never came close to that and anyone who really knows anything about self harm knows that the two aren't necessarily linked, people who self harm don't always escalate to suicide and those who commit suicide often don't self harm. The nurse said there may be further questions about that. I said fine it's all out there in the open any way, not something I brag about but not something I hide away either. The long and the short is I should hear from my case officer soon and I can progress with my application.
To the funny; well there was the inappropriately popped open button, the trigonometry questions that caused me to giggle (I haven't done those sort of questions in 20 odd years), the fact I was the only female (there was only 3 of us in a group of about 20) over the age of about 20, and the fact the test computer knocked 10 years off my age. Not to mention my interviewer said one of the roles I had written down as being interested in was only available to those who had a degree in journalism, to which I responded with a 'here it is,' and put it on the table in front of him. He also told me I was a little different, well obviously, I'm female and twice the age of most candidates.
This brings us to the thought provoking part of our blog tonight. I had hit my pre-interview goal for physical fitness 45-50 sit ups, 10 push ups and 5.1 on the sprints, (point of note my pb is 5.2). Then I mentioned this to one of the other candidates in the form of saying sprints were my weakness but I was happy because I hit my goal which was police fit. His response was 'well that's not very fit'. Then went on to say the test was only base line fitness, blah, blah, blah. In one fell swoop he disregarded all the effort I had put in to get to that point. Then a 17 year old said it should be easy to do 50 push ups and level 11 on the sprints. Candidate #1 wasn't impressed with the young guys response due to his age. I told them both the suck it up because I was much older than them. Yeah sure it's funny that Candidate #1 got immediate karma but it still bugged me a bit.
It was the total disregard to my effort that pissed me off the most. He made a judgment based on his own paradigm of fitness, he has no concept as to what it is to be an almost 40 year old mother of two, who up until 18 months ago couldn't bring herself to exercise in any way other than the occasional walk to the shop (I figured being on my feet most days for work was enough). Me I now run 4 km's in about half an hour and in two and a half weeks or so that I'd improved my sprints from 2.8 and an 'OMG what the hell do I think I'm doing' to 5.2 sprints and 3 x 400m fartlek laps after. On top of all that I do weights and core training about 5 - 6 nights a week. This is a big thing. Up until about 2 months ago my exercise consisted of three 3km runs a week and even then it was an effort to drag my butt into my training shoes. Running is still not something I really like, I do however like weights, but it's not such a drag.
In two months I have come a huge way, so while these young gym monkeys who have very little life experience will continue to judge me on the me they see now, I need to remind myself that they know so very little. While I pursue this part of my life I should never lose sight of where I came from, it gives perspective and hopefully when I feel down, and yes even judged, I can hold on to the knowledge that I have already come one hell of a long way.
Let me address those concepts one by one. The productive first I think. I did very well in my general ability/math test, to the point where I can apply for what ever roll I want, the only things that appeared to be off the table were the roles that are available to men only. I took my uni grades not lower high school grades and they wouldn't accept them - said I was over qualified. Also you have to fill out a very comprehensive medical questionnaire. This may be where I have a hiccough. I filled it out honestly which means to the question 'have you ever self harmed?' I answered yes. Of course I was not impressed with the fact self harm was lumped into the same question as suicide, because I never came close to that and anyone who really knows anything about self harm knows that the two aren't necessarily linked, people who self harm don't always escalate to suicide and those who commit suicide often don't self harm. The nurse said there may be further questions about that. I said fine it's all out there in the open any way, not something I brag about but not something I hide away either. The long and the short is I should hear from my case officer soon and I can progress with my application.
To the funny; well there was the inappropriately popped open button, the trigonometry questions that caused me to giggle (I haven't done those sort of questions in 20 odd years), the fact I was the only female (there was only 3 of us in a group of about 20) over the age of about 20, and the fact the test computer knocked 10 years off my age. Not to mention my interviewer said one of the roles I had written down as being interested in was only available to those who had a degree in journalism, to which I responded with a 'here it is,' and put it on the table in front of him. He also told me I was a little different, well obviously, I'm female and twice the age of most candidates.
This brings us to the thought provoking part of our blog tonight. I had hit my pre-interview goal for physical fitness 45-50 sit ups, 10 push ups and 5.1 on the sprints, (point of note my pb is 5.2). Then I mentioned this to one of the other candidates in the form of saying sprints were my weakness but I was happy because I hit my goal which was police fit. His response was 'well that's not very fit'. Then went on to say the test was only base line fitness, blah, blah, blah. In one fell swoop he disregarded all the effort I had put in to get to that point. Then a 17 year old said it should be easy to do 50 push ups and level 11 on the sprints. Candidate #1 wasn't impressed with the young guys response due to his age. I told them both the suck it up because I was much older than them. Yeah sure it's funny that Candidate #1 got immediate karma but it still bugged me a bit.
It was the total disregard to my effort that pissed me off the most. He made a judgment based on his own paradigm of fitness, he has no concept as to what it is to be an almost 40 year old mother of two, who up until 18 months ago couldn't bring herself to exercise in any way other than the occasional walk to the shop (I figured being on my feet most days for work was enough). Me I now run 4 km's in about half an hour and in two and a half weeks or so that I'd improved my sprints from 2.8 and an 'OMG what the hell do I think I'm doing' to 5.2 sprints and 3 x 400m fartlek laps after. On top of all that I do weights and core training about 5 - 6 nights a week. This is a big thing. Up until about 2 months ago my exercise consisted of three 3km runs a week and even then it was an effort to drag my butt into my training shoes. Running is still not something I really like, I do however like weights, but it's not such a drag.
In two months I have come a huge way, so while these young gym monkeys who have very little life experience will continue to judge me on the me they see now, I need to remind myself that they know so very little. While I pursue this part of my life I should never lose sight of where I came from, it gives perspective and hopefully when I feel down, and yes even judged, I can hold on to the knowledge that I have already come one hell of a long way.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)