Grumpy Old Me

Here’s one that may prove I’m turning into a grumpy old woman.

I am so totally over the ungratefulness of some many, I’d say kids but are early 20’s technically kids? So anyway it’s not just one situation that has set me off but a whole heap. Kids living at home so long and expecting their parents to pick up the tab and pick up after them; others thinking it doesn’t matter if they get a job because there is always welfare; others hanging out in gangs taking what others have worked hard for.

I suppose there were several things that set me off.

Firstly the young man who worked hard and did a lot of charity work who then gets his head kicked in by a group of guys who wanted to rob his house…he may never function the same again. Then there was this guy who turned up to work looking like he was going to the beach, hung over the counter and asked if we were looking for staff…needless to say he got told even if we were he’d not be considered his; attitude, dress and lack of cv to say the least were unacceptable. His reply was well I was looking for somewhere fun to work and he pouted like my 6 year old. Finally there was this person about to turn 21 who put together a 6 page list for gift registry at Myer or someplace similar. Now excuse me but how frigging rude. I did of course ask if the girl and her family were loaded but apparently not.

What happened to being grateful for the gifts that people can afford? What happened to working for the stuff you want? Then there is the guy who said he had bills to pay so why should he have to pay for his entertainment? I’m not middle aged yet but if this is any indication then I seem to be well on my way to becoming a grumpy old woman so in conclusion – Harden Up Princess! You want stuff you work for it. I got my first job when I was like 10. And before you start pointing the finger at me I will say we get tax benefits because we earn below the low income tax threshold but at least we both do what we can, and we live within our means.

Just so you know sunshine, the world does not owe you! Grow Up!

Opportunities

How many opportunities do we miss because we are focussed on one day when?

It is such an easy trap to fall into, part of living in a materialistic society, there is just so much to want. And don’t you dare lay the blame for that at the feet of the advertisers. It’s our own greed and perceptions that lead us by the nose down this road.

For example we’d like to own our own house and so we still dream about that one day when. The thing is though, our idea of a house is sheer luxury to many because it includes more than one bathroom, a studio and a guest room. We very easily focus on what tangible things we have and say we will help charity when… I win lotto, I get a promotion, I have enough money to have everything I want.

Now small amounts of money is something I have a lot of experience with. I know it’s possible to survive on less than what you may think and we still have things that should be considered luxuries. I say this only because it may show to you that I know what I am about to suggest is possible. When you go food shopping if pasta or tins of soup or veg are on special add an extra one or two to your shopping, it could be as little as 2 or 3 dollars and after a month or two you will have enough to donate a food parcel to charity. When you go toy shopping and stumble across those awesome 70% discounts buy an extra one if you can and it’s a present for a kid in a shelter. These sort of things don’t need to be big or expensive, sometimes we convince ourselves that they do.

You can give more than you might think for 5 or 10 dollars, be creative and if you can get special deals for certain things then play to your strengths and find someway to donate that sort of gift. Then of course this is just talking about material things, there are plenty of other ways to help.

As much as the internet and computers are blamed for the demise of true interaction it’s anonymity does enable us to listen to those we might not otherwise be able to. It makes it possible for us to reach out to someone on the other side of the world and give them someone to confide in. There are chat groups for most things, find something you have experience with and find someone to listen to. For me it’s to do with self-harm, for you it could be eating disorders, miscarriage, abusive relationships, depression, there are so many possibilities and we all have experience in something.

Another option is to look at your skill set. Maybe you are a great cook so you could invite someone to dinner. Maybe you are good with money so you could give people pointers on budgeting. Once again the options are limited only by your own imagination and willingness.

We need to find confidence in who we are now, in this moment and in the things we have because only when we are equipped with that can we give it back out.

I got the idea for this blog from church so as I wrap up I’m going to include forgiveness, grace and mercy, with a note that as ephemeral as these things are we don’t always feel we’ve received them. Just because we don’t always feel something doesn’t mean we don’t have it. Sometimes we just haven’t acted on it. Not believing that God has forgiven you doesn’t mean it isn’t so. To give a more personal example, sometimes I don’t necessarily feel loved, but if I stop and think for two seconds I will remember that I am despite how down I feel. Sometimes it’s as simple (but not necessarily easy) as knowing something in your head and acting on it, then the feeling may come.

We need to stop wasting time looking for excuses of ‘I will when’…(I have something or feel something)…because quite honestly ‘when’ may never happen. In the meantime life still goes on and you are probably better off than others, if you could just take your eyes off yourself long enough to notice.

Relationships and Ultimatums

So I’ve been married for 12 years and have some very definite ideas about what makes a relationship work. I’ve also been thinking about some of the relationships around me, in light I suppose of the whole Tiger thing. I don’t know nor care how many women have stepped forward now but I keep coming back to this one thing, if he’s been with this many women how could he not think that one day it would come back and bite him on the butt. Seriously.

For me truth in a relationship is key. When my hubby struggles with certain things he tells me. When I nearly kissed a guy at work, I told him, when he kissed a girl after a gig he told me. Some things thrive in darkness and being honest about them sheds light in which they cannot prosper. Of course I can’t say what would have happened if Tiger had been honest the first time but it does make me wonder. I feel for his wife and little one.

Honesty isn’t the only think I’ve been thinking about as far as relationships go. I’ve also been considering the concept of choices. Not just the choice to cheat or not but the many choices we make that effect the dynamic of the partnership, because that is what a marriage or love relationship is.

What about the guy who asks his wife if she is okay to move from one side of a country to another for a promotion, she says no, he says too bad we’re going. Or the fiancée who believes her partner’s interest in music is merely a hobby not a passion he wants to pursue, so he stops, years pass and he hasn’t been able to get back into it and regrets it. Then there’s the wife who tells her hubby that once they have kids he has to stop playing in a band. How is it we say we love someone and often seem to lack the capacity to support their interests, passions or opinions?

Okay so for me moving from one side of a country to another or even moving country isn’t a terrible idea. I’ve already lived in another country and some of the things we’d like to pursue make me wonder if we would be better off elsewhere. So to be honest the fear that has some people clinging to that kind of familiar isn’t one I understand. Having said that I can’t imagine my hubby saying too bad we’re doing it, if I’ve said I really didn’t want to do it. It just wouldn’t be something either of us would consider.

The other two examples I admit make me want to scream. I simply couldn’t understand not supporting my husband’s passion. I can understand people not wanting to go out on the limb that we have because it can be a particularly treacherous place to be. It can be tough having people constantly say grow up and get a real job. It’s tough having to live week to week and very carefully balance your budget and give certain things up. Thing is when he’s in the zone it’s a great place to be, even though it hasn’t made us financially stable yet.

I wonder though if I have a better grasp of the creative because I am one. I see the drive and passion in others and don’t understand how their loved ones cannot support it. The flip side is that I need to be supported and believe me I’ve have been know to hit some crushing lows. I can cope with these because in my relationship I am free to be me and I know I’m not alone, I know my passion and interests are supported even though my writing has bought in less money than hubby’s music.

There is a second thing with the last. I don’t know how someone can make the leap that cutting someone off from the stress relief and ‘me time’ then also adding a child to the mix, is a good idea in anyone’s book. Heaven knows enough other stuff changes when you add kids and I know plenty of people actively involved in music and theatre that have kids. An ultimatum like that concerns me because I can see so many bad things it can lead to.

Maybe I’m just a pessimist and I don’t understand how these things can work in a relationship because it wouldn’t work for me. I believe in choices, looking at the big picture and finding a compromise that works for both parties. Have I ever used an ultimatum? Yes – it was ‘sort some stuff out now because I can’t keep doing it this way, or I’m taking the girls away for a while and you can sort it out with out us around.’ Needless to say I didn’t go anywhere, not because stuff got better immediately but because he finally realised just how hard a time I was having. That’s the thing about ultimatums, sometimes they need to have a little flex in them.

Free Downloading

So here I am more than ready for a total rant. It’s no secret that I work in a bookstore, I write and I’d love to make my money as a writer. It is also no secret that I act and would love to make money that way too. I am a creative person and I have embraced that, for all the crap you have to put up with in being one. I have come to accept the highs and the lows, I don’t particularly like them but I accept them. I know I need to have thick skin, I’ve received many rejections in my pursuits and truthfully if I could give up I might but they are my passion and what drives me is the need to create. I need to make characters come alive, I need to imagine and dream.

So to my rant. Something happened the other day that pissed me off so much. I am not into illegally downloading anything, my friends know that for me it is a case of not stealing from the place I wish to earn from. Now I know e-readers are coming, the fact I like books means nothing, but someone said the thing with e-readers is that you can down load everything for free. Technically not accurate, you probably can download heaps but not all of it legally. I’m happy for musicians who manage to get a bigger cut of the money rather than the record labels and similar results but illegally downloading doesn’t do that.

Now we are getting closer to the point that got me fired up in the first place. One of the kids at work said why should he pay for downloads because he has bills to pay. It was about this point I started to swear. For crying out frigging loud. How naïve are people like this? You think that creative types don’t have bills to pay, families to look after and to put food on the table for their kids? You selfish creative black holes, sitting out there on your lazy selfish arses, saying feed me my entertainment I deserve it.

No you don’t, it’s a luxury. It is something someone created for you to fill in you time but for them it was work, surely they deserve to get paid for their effort. And just in case you are totally naïve many, many, many writers, musicians, actors and artists struggle to make it. For every multimillion dollar actor in a film or show there can be hundreds or thousands who rock up, work, go home and get paid bugger all and have no guarantee of work the next week. For every Rowling or Meyer are loads who would be thankful to get a publisher look at their work.

Here my last work to those who think free downloads are a right…stop sucking the livelihood from those you profess to admire and from those who work to see your many empty hours filled with ways to entertain you. We love to entertain just don’t think what you do isn’t stealing from us…we have bills to pay too.

A New Year

Okay it's the second day of the new year. Wow where have the last 10 years gone? So anyway resolutions always seem like a good idea but I'm not sure they bind you to anything much. Despite that there are a few things I'd like to do this year. One is go on a proper holiday with my family. I'd also like to get published and exercise my actor but those two goals never change, I will as always continue to slog away at them. After so long I sometimes wonder why I haven't given up, there should be only so much rejection one can take. Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment. They are two things in my life I can't not do. I didn't act for three years and it was so hard but at least I had my writing. I could in no way give up both. Of course I want to get paid to do those things but even without pay I am driven to do them, so I continue to do what I can while also working to pay the bills. Good thing I love my job.

Anyway I have some more serious topics to look at shortly but for now I want to say thank you for sharing this journey with me and I wish for you the blessings of peace and joy and the hope of dream fulfillment for the coming year.

May God bless you