Retrospective

We have somehow come to the end of another year.
I don't know whether it is my age but it seems every year passes faster than the one before.
This year has seen my baby start full time school, my eldest struggle to find her niche and start to not me a little girl any more ('mum barbie, that's for little kids' - a comment about a present from a family friend who forgot she was almost 10). Hubby has gotten a little more work in the music area - which I absolutely won't complain about, I just wish there was a bit more.
And then we have me who has had a major career change. I started the year in retail and finished it in Corrective Services.
I've learnt some stuff about myself this year. I still believe in God, in fact there have been days at work when I have spent a lot of time praying, but church and I have some real issues. I still haven't figured out how to give my children a good grounding in faith without going to church. The christians who have been the ones who support me most are those I never (or almost never) see face to face. They are the ones who understand my struggle, they are the ones who don't judge, they are the ones who encourage me.
I realise my new job has very likely made it more difficult for me to find a church home, I work with some really terrible people and I do my absolute best not to judge them nor do I preach at them. The job is high stress and survivable by most through means of a dark sense of humour. And guess what, I feel as though I fit there.
I am going to try a new church this year, I really want to find one where my girls feel as though they fit. That hasn't happened yet. Sure that may not be the best motivation for looking for a church to belong to but after so many years of not really feeling as though I fit I still have fond memories of my times at church camp and such and I want my girls to have similar opportunities.
Life is full of curveballs. I may not be where I wish I was (I'd really like a house of our own) and I may not be anywhere I expected to be (certainly never thought I'd be in the job I currently am). Thing is I can't help but think I'm where I need to be for whatever reason (and I'm sure I have no clue what that reason might be).
Without question though I know I am blessed. Yeah I know people with loads more money than we have but I look at certain things in their lives and wouldn't change mine for theirs. I have a husband who gets me, he supports me. He is my safe place to be - there aren't a lot of men who would be happy for their wives to work in such a potentially dangerous environment. I have two amazing girls who are my reason for choosing a job that gives me more days with them. I get home after a 12 hour shift and shout out to them and they come running and screaming with joy and throw themselves at me. It is a good feeling to know you are missed and loved so much.
I have a roof over my head, food in my stomach and clothes on my back (though with the weight I've lost this year I really need to go buy some that actually fit). And my fitness level is so much better than it has been for years.
This year may seem to have flown by but so much has been crammed into it. Life is good. Chaotic, busy but definitely good.
I hope and pray you have a blessed New Year and can experience some of the joy and peace in life that I have.

Family

Today it seems prudent to remember my family.
My family are everything to me. My children and husband are the main reason I took this new job. I wanted extra time with them, I wanted to be able to look after them better. Yeah I know there are people out there who would say providing is not the woman's job but when your man works from home and is the stay at home dad, then I say shove your preconceived ideas...well you know what I mean.
I feel for those who have had loved ones taken in this most recent of shooting sprees. I can't help but think of all the possibility that has been wiped out.
It is a good day to take your loved ones in your arms and hold them tight. Mine are very sick today so I have cleaned up buckets of vomit and had to really control my own gag reflex in the process but that is part of having children and I will clean up as much vomit as I have to if it means my children are still here for me to hold.
Cherish your family.
Remember your loved ones, the ones who have gone before us and honour their memories. Hug them, hold them and tell them you love them every chance you get.
Family are worth it.
I am so thankful that I could hold my girls in between vomit sessions today.

And Now For The New Life

I have now started my new life, that is I have started my new job. I now work shift work, 10 days out of 21. I look at my work calendar and still think it looks a little weird. I have to admit working two days on, two off, two on, two off, three on, three off and the like is a little strange. The 12 hour days aren't so bad though.
The biggest thing is trying to remember all the things I'm supposed to. Fortunately most of the people I now work with are really good at helping you through the learning process. Most people you ask will say it takes about two years till you really get the hang of the job. I guess I'll see.
Now I'm working my new roster though two things are supposed to happen, one is I'm supposed to get back into training and the other is I better get back into writing, my books won't write themselves.
On the up side those things are happening, slowly. An added bonus is that I am finally getting around to reading again and that feels so good. Ahhh old friend I have missed you. I have missed being swept away to strange and fun places, having adventures, allowing the impossible to be possible if just for a few hours.
I've started running again, something that somehow became quite difficult to do when I was studying after 8 hours in a classroom then getting home to be with the family it became really difficult to go out and get in the kms. Now I can be home on school days I can run back from the school, it is a good time to run and not that hard to get into the routine of. Of course the big problem is that school holidays are about to start so I'll have to see how I manage with that. I've also been able to do a couple of weights and core sessions. In fact today's session was insane but really good.
I've also managed to get in a little writing, but honestly it will take a bit more juggling to get any sort of routine for that planned out.
The girls seem happier though. I make a big effort to keep things light when I get home. It helps me leave the job at work and helps them feel I'm not abandoning them. Being able to do the school runs sometimes now also seems to make a big difference. Hubby is great as always. He knows this new job is stressful, he knows I will have some really, really bad days, but he's not wrong when he says that I come home happier from this new job than I did in my old one. God willing things will run smooth.
On that front I have to admit to still not going to church. I honestly don't know how most church people will react to my new job, it's not a job most christians would be able to do because you can't be a bleeding heart or judgmental. Having said that I am praying more, trying to understand what God wants of me. Trying to do the right thing. I know there are those who would say I can't do the right thing while I'm not going to church. I will however continue to muddle through my life.