Our Little Girls

My seven year old went to a school dance the other night, once she was dressed up with hair and makeup I took a picture and she totally didn’t look seven any more. She has the rib sticking out skinniness of the supermodel yet she eats and junk too. However she has never been a big eater, always a bit fussy.

Food is one of the things we are working on, this isn’t where I was planning on going with this blog though. Where I wanted to go was here…

She was wearing the same dress she’d worn to the previous dance, long skirt, halter-neck top with a v neck line. Last time she looked sweet and this time she looked like a mini model. Last time her hair and makeup wouldn’t have been so elaborate and it surprised me that such a small change made so much difference. There wasn’t anything particularly tarty about either addition. Her hair was braided into a reverse ponytail with two skinny side braids, and she had on eye liner and mascara (which I wouldn’t have done) and glitter shadow and spray (which I would have).

She was staying at a friends, whose mother is a hairdresser and beautician. I couldn’t do the hair and makeup as skilfully I admit but I just couldn’t get over how different the dress and she looked this time around. Which really is just a long lead into my rant on the sexualization of our children.

A picture appeared in the paper the other day of a nine year old dressed like…well lets just say I was wondering what on earth her parents were thinking when they let her leave the house. I can walk through the children’s department and find bras for kids my daughters age. They serve no purpose other than to encourage the child to think they are older or need to be older and more developed.

Our children watch video clips and think they need to be able to imitate those women to be attractive.

By the time my eldest was five she was asking for jewellery, make up and heels so she would look beautiful. It’s a constant effort to convince her that none of those things are of true value. Now for those of you who don’t know me I wear very little makeup only when I’m on stage or going out. My hubby tells me all the time I look good no matter what I’m wearing, so that’s not where the idea is coming from either.

Are the examples our children are surrounded by, so much influenced by the idea that beauty is a skinny, skimpily clad, heavily made-up woman? Is that how we want our girls to grow? I certainly don’t. I was very proud when my daughter came to me and said she wanted to take the picture I was talking about to school to talk about for news. She said she wanted to say it was inappropriate for a girl her age to be dressed like that. Of course she couldn’t really explain what she meant by that but at least it’s a start and at least she’s listening to me when I tell her some things just aren’t for her.

I want my girls to enjoy being young and having the ability to wear whatever and go running and climbing and getting dirty. I want then to realise appearance isn’t the most important thing. That attractiveness isn’t based on the person who wears the least amount of fabric. And that attracting a boys attention isn’t something they need to be thinking about at the moment, boys do not complete them.

Dora is one of my favourite kids cartoons because she has short hair, wears shorts, goes exploring, plays games where she is a doctor and so on, and she is bi-lingual. They tried at one point to girly her up and a lot of mothers weren’t impressed. It’s very hard for us to find role models acceptable for our young girls.

Myley Cyrus/Hannah Montana is desperately trying to shed her Disney image and she is only following in the steps of others. The wholesome, smart, girl simply isn’t something they want to keep the image of. Bring me girls who are adventurous and smart, girls who want to grow into women who want to do something with their lives.

We’ve come a long way from the days where a female’s options were very limited, and yet still we are obsessed with keeping women looking a certain way. Quite honestly is not the way Julia Gillard got the post of PM more important than the fact she is a red head, or what her hairstyles have been over the years? I’m frustrated. I want my girls to have a balanced outlook. I want them to not be limited by their gender and I want them not to buy into the rubbish that how you look is what matters most. I’m just not sure how effective I can be when so much of what is thrown at our children in marketing and things skews the other way.

‘No honey you are seven you totally don’t need a matching bra and bikini briefs set’.

To Church Or Not To Church

The other day someone wondered why I was considering leaving the church, and I ended up writing a rather lengthy response. I think it is well worth repeating my thoughts with a few additions here.

For me it's a culmination of many things. Repetitive services designed to be user friendly, they say if you want depth you'll attend a small group (it hasn't even been particularly relative to church size), if you can't do that because you have other commitments then too bad. Being used, hubby is a muso and if you say you'll help once or for a number of weeks it's assumed you will continue to, they may know he gets 2 or 3 hrs sleep before rocking up early to practice etc but they never understood that it meant he spends very little of sunday with his family. The assumption that I'm a mother so I'll be eager to help out in kids, to be honest I find other peoples kids a bit annoying at times. I struggle with the formulaic structure of the service - sing, communion, news, money, sermon, alter call. I understand the need for it but in many ways things have become so structured they are no longer fluid.

I designed a worship service once, based around the need for the musos to have a rest and have had it dismissed saying some of it may be useable - I think it was mostly because it was very different and contemplative, also there was no place for most of the usual structure. I won't deny it hurt to have it rejected, it was something I had put a lot of thought and prayer into but I've found that creative ministry simply isn't that creative, it has to fit into a very limited scope and if you suggest anything outside that it's not even really considered. For me as a creative person the end result has been why would I want to use my skills for church, church does so much in my field badly and I don't want to do that.

As for fellow-shipping outside church hours, there have been various times we've organised things only to have the church people agree to come and not show up, not even having the decency to call and let us know, or even apologise after the fact.

There's a lot there I know, and it has almost turned into an essay but it is the culmination of events that has bought me/us to this point. I'd like to say I'm not bitter, but neither are the experiences forgotten. We learn from our experiences and if we don't change what we do how can we expect to get different results (I forget who said that). So using this logic would I not be better off finding an alternative to organised religion?

There were plenty of responses and I have to say much encouragement. I enjoy the interaction with these people as they encourage me to think, and to push through. For me this interaction is invaluable. Where I struggle with the more traditional idea of church it's people like these, some of whom have been through or are going through similar valleys, that keep me going.

It's so important to realise that sometimes it's the small things, like being honest about what you feel, think or struggle with, that make it possible for others to come along side and remind you that your feelings or experiences aren't wrong, they just are. We all have our own road to travel and it's often the people that come alongside us as we do that give the journey it's value.

It goes back to that old saying, 'it's not the destination but the journey that matters'.

Hang in there, whoever you maybe, and know we can all do with a helping hand sometimes.

My Thoughts, End Times

I believe it’s time for me to start thinking again. What do I mean by that? Well my last few entries have all been from my holiday, it’s been a while since I’ve applied myself to something deeper, more explosive or faith based.

I think I’ll talk a little about something that fits into the latter category.

The other day hubby got a forwarded e-mail about the end times. It started with the preacher who wrote the original article saying he had believed the end of the world would be in 2009 and God told him it was meant to be but He had delayed it for ‘a twinkling of an eye’.

The feelings this pulled from me weren’t great. I don’t want the world to end, sure I’m not exactly where I want to be but there is still so much I want to do, not least of all watch my children grow up.

End time stuff, is to my way of thinking, an odd thing to be focussed on. This preacher was convinced he knew the time, but how many times does he have to be wrong before people stop listening to you.

Also is it really living if you are totally focussed on heaven? Why do people want to know when? Why not just work on living the best you can in the present?

Of course it is possible that part of my problem is rooted in the problems I have with my faith. How can I look forward to going to heaven when I don’t even look forward to going to church? How can I believe heaven will be exciting and life as it was always meant to be lived, when I find church boring and myself not totally accepted because my idea of using my abilities doesn’t seem to gel with any churches idea?

Of course there are things I would look forward to. Who would not want to spend time with great creative minds like CS Lewis, Tolkien, Fanny Cosby and Ted Dekker. (though I have no place to judge who has/hasn’t, will/won’t make it to heaven). Or talking to men and women who stood, believed and influenced their corners of the world.

I still believe I have faith I just no longer know what to call it. I’m not non-practicing in that I still pray and meditate on God, but if I’m totally truthful I’d have to say God is not the most important thing in my life, so I’m not really sure where that leaves me.

Last Stuff About Bali

These are the last days and my thoughts on what I came away from my holiday having learnt. next entry will probably be me back to my ranting.

Day Five

Another morning spent swimming and lazing in at the resort. After another lunch of honey sandwiches for the girls and cold pizza for the adults we had a quiet time and went out to replenish supplies. We walked past the Circle K to have a look around sadly realising how much we hadn’t seen yet. However looking on it objectively I would say we wouldn’t have done a lot differently it would have been too much for the girls. We ditched the safari, zoo and water park ideas simply because we decided the girls would be interested for a bit and then get restless and it wouldn’t be worth it financially.

Then we went back to the hotel, changed back into our bathers and went to run the gauntlet that is the Bali beach. ‘You want chair,’ ‘you want braid,’ ‘manicure’.

We went close the water with our towel and got dirty. The sand on the beach at Kuta is quite dark, very different to the golden sand I’m used to in Australia. Both girls had a blast. It was Kiara’s first time and she was much more fearless than Michaela at that age. On day four we had walked along the beach and chased sand crabs, they did some more of that, they are quick little buggers and it’s fun to chase them.

Then back to resort, rinse off the sand, into the pool and hotel dinner again.

Oh and there was no music this morning but Kiara kept asking if she could see the more ‘bang, bang’.

Day Six

Today’s agenda was planned rather than decided on the fly. We wanted to go where we hadn’t yet and take pictures. The back alleys and main drags that we hadn’t been to previously.

We started strong, I’m surprised just how far I was able to walk carrying Kiara. The stall holders around this area weren’t as bad as where we went the first day, far more willing to accept no.

The most frustrating, anger inducing, annoying moment was when a guy shoved a fake gun in Michaela’s face – sideways not pointing it at her – and said ‘you buy, toy you buy’. I nearly went…well you know. What kind of moron does that?

We even ventured into a shop to look for something for a friend but they didn’t have it. The girls bought flower ornaments for their hair.

We just walked and walked until we weren’t sure we’d find the road that lead back to the resort. Steve knew the direction we needed to go but with the roads twisting and turning it can get a little confusing especially for the navigationally challenged like me. I wondered at one point if we’d have to retrace our steps but I continued to follow Steve because the guy has great navigation skills.

Two hours after we left we were back at the resort for a sit, a drink and a swim. Then a quiet lunch. Kiara was exhausted and wouldn’t settle until about ten minutes before we were due to head out again to take pics around the resort. So I did a bit of loud packing to wake her.

After the pics we went swimming again. They are both so good in the water. Michaela has come a fair way with her swimming and water confidence. Yesterday Steve taught her the basics of diving and she has worked hard at it and improved dramatically in just one day. Kiara is fearless, a bit too fearless, not content to stay in the shallows.

Tonight we headed out to a restaurant, the only proviso being that the girls could order pizza again. They won’t be getting any more for a while I can tell you that.

We ended up at a place called Chasers – great food, cheap drinks with actual alcohol in them, the girls loved it, mum and dad loved it.

7 am check out tomorrow so I settled the bill tonight. Homeward bound. Yay!

Lessons Learnt

I was speaking to a friend after we’d got back and she said she knew I wouldn’t like Bali because I don’t tolerate stupid people. I started to protest that I would never call a people group stupid but unfortunately the more I thought about it the more I realised she had a point. I don’t actually consider them stupid I simply don’t see how their way of doing things, (haggling and hassling) is efficient or effective, but it must work for them. It is what they know, and not what I know and I found them to be annoying and time wasting. So to my friend’s way of looking at it their way of doing things, according to my standards, is stupid.

How intolerant and arrogant do I sound? Not a pretty picture to paint about yourself is it? I always thought I was fairly tolerant but those that know me best would say there are things I don’t tolerate at all and what I perceive to be stupidity is one of those things. I really should have understood this better because the signs were all there: someone comes up to me at work and says ‘I want a book, I don’t know who wrote it or what it is about but it’s written by a girl’, and I think they are idiots and should stop wasting my time. I am intellectually arrogant and I have no real cause to be because there are plenty of people out there who know so much more than I do, are so much smarter.

So what did I learn? I hate haggling; shopping and I aren’t real friendly. That it doesn’t matter where you are there are always things to learn, experience and be thankful for. Anytime together with your family is time well spent.

And that is it for our first family holiday.