WooHoo!

Okay so it's only 12 days, well 10 now but I have some time off and it feels great. I go to bed at a time that feels more natural to me and get up at a time that feels more natural to me. I've done workouts, gone out with my kids, given my hubby time to work and low and behold got some editing done. It feels good.
What doesn't feel so good is my lower body, the workout session we had was tough and for some reason I always push myself hard at those, two days later and it still hurts to get up and sit down. So tomorrow is going to require another workout.
It is so good to take this time with my family. Sure it's been a slog to get here, 3 months study 5 days a week, and the first 4 months on the job have had union upheaval. Thing is though, I am having 12 days off, I've already had a block of 9 days, so added together I've had 3 weeks off and haven't touched my annual leave yet. How freaking awesome.
My munchkins love me being home, of course their love does at times make it a little hard to get the writing work done that I want to but I'm working on that.
Of course if I'm totally truthful my daughter started playing a damn addictive game on my computer and it has taken up small chunks of my time that would be better served elsewhere. Also I bought Les Mis today so that has to get watched sometime soon.
I love my family and the thing is we all need to find a way to make life and work, work for us. For me it is 12 hour shift work in a high pressure environment, for others it will be something else. 'Work life balance' is a phrase thrown around a lot but it's not always what they say it is. It can be what you make it to be. Life doesn't always fit in the boxes you want it to, it can be messy, chaotic and difficult to juggle, but making it work - well that is something only you can really do. Don't let someone else tell you what it is. Think it through, make up your mind and do what you need to. Family is precious and we can't all pack up for 6 weeks a year and go holidaying in the best places money can buy. Find your place and it will be great.

A Good Rant

I'm sorry I can't help myself, okay actually that's not strictly true I can help myself but it has been a while since I've had a really good rant and this week has provided me with a great topic.
In my country, a bunch of juvenile offenders trashed their 'detention facility', they did massive amounts of damage and it will be months before bits of it are inhabitable again. So as a result a bunch of these offenders have been transferred to a nearby adult custodial facility (yes a prison).
Personally I have no issue with this. Sure I realise the situation is a bit different but custodial is custodial, it's just juvies are treated with soft gloves.
Here's where my rant kicks into gear.
Parents of these kids are trying to sue the government for inhumane treatment of their kids.
HMMMM!
Well excuse me, why were these kids there in the first place? Oh that's right; drugs, rape, burglary, aggravated assault... the list goes on. These kids weren't where they were because they are stellar examples of society, they are there because they are little shits. A point which is only proven by the fact that they rioted, destroying sections of the centre they were housed in.
These kids are currently not being kept in general population, they are separated from big boys, though I feel it should be pointed out that some of these 'kids' aren't exactly kids, there are some still there in their 20's. A fact that begs the question why the hell weren't they transferred to adult prison when they hit 18?
That aside, the complaints seem to be that: the kids aren't getting fed properly, I'm pretty sure they would get fed the same as anyone else in the facility and no-one else is complaining; they are in mainstream adult prison - they aren't, they are in totally separate units; they aren't getting enough exercise - well I can't say how much they are or aren't getting but prisons are governed but fairly strict legislation that ensures minimum requirements for that sort of thing but it may not be what they were getting because there are plenty of other prisoners that need to be catered for.
These kids have food, clothes, medical and dental treatments, tv's, time to get outside, access to games consoles. I would like to take a moment to point out that there are plenty of people out there who don't have all of that.
In short here is my suggestion. If these families want to sue on behalf of their misbehaving offspring then fine, we should let them go ahead, on the condition that they pay for the damage to the detention centre and for the medical bills of the staff who were involved in the incident. Surely that is fair after all.
All of this begs another question; where were these parents when these kids were participating in behaviours that saw them arrested in the first place? And what about their victims in all this? Are these parents paying restitution to the victims or do they just expect the taxpayer to pick up the tab on all fronts?
Oh I know that not everyone who commits a crime comes from the same type of background but there are generalisations about this sort of thing for a reason.

Tired & Frustrated

I am tired and frustrated. It's not pretty but it is the truth. I like my job, I like the hours because I get to spend more time with my kids. I'm glad we've got the house sorted out but the saving stage of right now is frustrating. In no small part because I have plans and I can't follow through on them till everything is signed and so on.
I just want to get things done. At the moment this interim stage is frustrating me. I want to get my book finished, I want to get my office sorted out. I have stuff I'm trying to give away but no-one wants it. There are things I want to do but I just can't at the moment. It is soooooo frustrating!!!
I have a break coming up in a month though for a week and a half and you better believe I am looking forward to it.

Time Out

I took some time out today. Purely spent some time and money on myself. It was a bonus that my family chose to join me. I threw myself into other people's creativity and it was good.
I am tired and not at all sure I feel like going to work tomorrow but I feel good.
Of course it was good that I stuck to my budget. That is always a positive thing.
On the down side, if there is a down side - I started a new collection today - I bought signed prints from illustrators. I now need frames for all my pics and illustrations.
Time out is a very important thing. There are times in our lives we need to just step away from our commitments and allow ourselves to breathe.
This works best of course if you can pick a thing to do and stick to a budget. So much easier said than done. It can be very easy to fall into this leisure zone and stay there. That's when there is trouble because that is when budgets get blown and stress levels increase.
That will not be happening to me at the moment because I stuck to my budget. However a new collection could prove costly. I am ever so thankful that God blessed me with the ability to budget and stick to it.
Thank you God for good financial management and the ability to take some time away for me.

Things

Firstly the good news. The stress about the house is not a thing anymore. Our offer was accepted. Dare to Dream indeed. God is good.

Secondly to the thing I really want to post about.

Judgment.

I have discovered a few things about myself since I started my new job. I have a rather strange capacity to deal with those many would consider to be the dregs of society without judging them.
Sure I know some of them have done really terrible things and I simply cannot understand how someone can do some of the things I know these people have done. Still I find I can just treat these people as people.
So many people have said to me that they could not do my job. I on the other hand quiet enjoy it. It's a very strange feeling having someone like that cry on your shoulder and thank you for not treating her like shit and making her time in the facility better.
Someone asked me the other day if I knew what so and so had done. I said no, I hadn't gone looking. They promptly told me I needed to make sure I knew who I was dealing with. My response was I never forget where I work and the type of people I work with. I find myself strangely uninterested in finding out the gory details though.
They say when you start my job that you shouldn't go in thinking you would ever make a difference, you might in one person's life in your entire career if you are fortunate. I didn't go in thinking I would make a difference, but in a very short period of time I have discovered that it makes a huge difference if you don't go in thinking you are better than them, if you don't look down your nose judging them all the time.
Not for a minute do I think they really like me, or that in given situations they wouldn't turn on me. What I do have a better understanding of is the value of judgement.

          Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge 
          others, you will be judged, and with the same measure you use, it will 
          be measured to you. 
          - Matthew 7:1-2

We are exhorted to not judge others yet we do in so many ways. We often stand on our own little pedestal and look down at those around us for many reasons. We only see small snippets and judge on that moment. Just because I do so well at work doesn't mean I don't struggle with this in other areas of my life. I think work is different simply because in some way I am able to detach myself from the circumstances. In life I don't have that detachment.

In life I see an overweight person in lycra stuffing their faces with junk food and my thoughts aren't at all positive. I see someone swearing at their children and calling them stupid, and instead of not judging I just want to smack them one. I see someone unable to put clothes on their children's backs and yet still have enough money to buy smokes and booze and I want to knock some sense into them. I see a girl put up with an abusive relationship and I want to shake her till she sees the truth.

In so many little things I judge. This does not make me unique. 

I don't have a total handle on this not judging thing yet and honestly I probably never will. What I do have is a greater understanding of what it means to someone who has done crappy things, and yes even terrible things, not to be judged. It gives them a chance to look at what they have done, take responsibility for it and make steps to change things.

Next time you feel the urge to look down your nose at someone, take a moment to think about what your judgment could mean. 

Grasping at Straws

'Hi this is your real estate agent you have 60 days to vacate, bye'.
Well that sux.
We really thought we'd have these 12 months to save so we could just move into a place of our own. It turns out not. Things just aren't that simple in our lives.
I've finally settled into the new job, though there is still so very much to learn, but I''m comfortable enough to do overtime. This was going to kickstart our savings. Now though this is not an option.
So we find ourselves in a kinda nowhere land. Rentals are damn difficult to get and the cost of getting into another rental is so close to what we would have to pay for a mortgage that it would negate our ability to save or severely restrict it. But we are looking. We are also looking at buying, With my new income we have to ability to get a loan but the problem is we only seriously started doing this saving thing since January and banks won't look at us seriously till we've 3 months of proof that we can save, 6 weeks just isn't good enough.
Still we've been looking.
The problem we really have is that we are in a big place, we have certain needs that mean a normal 4 x 1 or 2 won't suit. Believe me we've looked. I will probably have to sacrifice my office but I can live with that. I won't be the first writer to use the kitchen table. And I suppose I can put my books into storage (I'm not sure I am in a place to sell them). We still need a place for hubby to run the business from home and the only places we've seen so far have tiny little spaces that simply won't work.
Then yesterday something happened. God spoke to me. I really felt His presence for the first time in ages. Not that I haven't prayed till yesterday. I pray often but without question I have felt a distance in my faith. I still have no home church but I haven't been willing to walk away from my faith. I believe in God I just don't get along with the church (if you've read my blog you know about my struggles here).
Anyway, yesterday I was just praying for peace about the whole situation, that God would have the right place for us. And I just started crying. I couldn't stop. I felt God saying He was in control and that I needed to dare to dream and to trust Him.
Well we were looking in an area we'd never considered but someone had told us a property was about to go on the market that would be in our price range. It's an area we've thought might not be a bad one to be in before, so that seemed good. Of course the person that told us about it knew nothing about the house yet. So that was a possible we could work with that. Dare to dream.
Then on the way home we received a call from the real estate agent of the house we are currently in saying it had been valued lower than we were expecting and it would totally be within our price range. Stunned is the only word to describe what we felt. Dare to dream. This would make things so much better for us. We wouldn't have to pack and move and shift the girls (they love the school they are in), it even suits our bizarre needs.
Our mortgage broker gave us a plan.
We took it to the agent feeling positive and he said the owner probably wouldn't go for it because he wanted get it all done in a much shorter time that would really work for us.
Crushed. Frustrated. Annoyed. These words are all apt to describe the way I was and am feeling. So much for Dare to Dream. I just have had enough of having things in our grasp and having them ripped away.
So today has been a days of ups (Valentine's Day with my hubby) and downs.
I keep telling myself that the owner hasn't said no yet or that there is something better out there. I keep repeating God is in control, if He wants us to have this house it will happen. I keep hoping for a miracle, one that really doesn't involve having to find a short term rental.  In the meantime trying to figure out the best plan of action is frustrating at best.
PS. If anyone knows of a place like the one in the picture that will fit our budget then please let us know.

15 Years and Some

I've been married to the best man ever for a little more than 15 years now. Like every marriage (I guess) we have high points and low points. Today now my man has gotten on a plane to go to his half brother's funeral. Funerals are difficult times but that isn't what I wanted to talk about right now.
I actually want to get a bit pukey. Hubby hasn't even been gone for 3 hours yet and I miss him. Silly right?
Thing is though this is the longest we will be apart since our youngest was born 5 and a half years ago. I work 12 hour shifts which is longer than he has been gone, I can work 36 hours in 3 days and yet there is something to be said for the knowledge of going home to my man. I can work madly but know things will be fine because my man is home. I can do so many things, I get involved in theatre shows, I go shopping, I even occasionally do girly things like getting my hair done. Hubby gigs, spends time in music stores, and does stuff with his mates. So it's not even remotely like we have to do everything together.
Yet for 4 days we will be in different cities, and somehow I feel a little lost.
Sure I know he will be back and I know I will get through these four days but the heart feels what it feels and I miss him. Be safe baby and come home soon.
You know what else? I really, really know just how lucky I am to have such a wonderful man who understands me in all my craziness and silliness and well just plain weirdness. Sure it may be silly to miss him but I don't care, that's just how much I love him.