It took me a very long time to be willing to get up on a church stage again and once I do they then start doing the very things I disliked about it in the first place.
We hadn't been committed to going to our new church for very long when they announced the formation of a drama team.
To be honest I rolled my eyes and groaned. Mostly because I wondered how or why God would be doing this now when he knew how much I hated it. Then I had that internal debate about whether I should let them know I have experience in performing.
I decided not to get involved.
I know I was judging based on my previous experience but that's what I had to go on. Yes it is possible for the person to be given this position to have more experience and more talent than me. For them to have great ideas and wonderful execution. But I couldn't see that happening.
I didn't give it much thought after that.
Until last week.
The team got up to perform their first (of the first one I'd been there for) sketch. It started for me badly but I thought I'd try and stay. I didn't last and the whole thing wasn't much more than five minutes long.
I walked out feeling guilty about being disrespectful. After all they at least had gotten up there and I hadn't, so what right did I have to judge.
It made me wonder again though, why it is okay for people with heart but no skill to be involved in a drama team but they wouldn't be allowed as part of a music team.
Then again it could be a self perpetuating problem. The sketches are short, unchallenging and sometimes badly written and badly executed, so people with skill won't want to get involved, therefore the only way the team can get new blood is to invite people with heart.
Me I would be embarrassed to be seen to be doing those sketches. That's right I said it embarrassed and I would never invite my friends to come and see one. I laugh when people say it would be good for my acting friends to come and see these things.
I know I probably shouldn't admit to being embarrassed but it's the truth. To be reading your script or to explain the piece before performing are just things that shouldn't happen.
I felt guilty for walking out but my hubby wisely asked how I would have felt being involved in something like that. I replied by telling him I would have hated it. And that is the truth.
It's not so much about being embarrassed by God but by the poor use of something I love.
Yes I think drama could be a very powerful tool but I also don't see that happening because people aren't interested in trying different things. I have tried and the responses have been ranged from 'that sounds interesting' to 'interesting but not now' and being just ignored.
The thing is though, then I have to deal with the 'why aren't you using your skills for God in church?' questions or the idea that because I am a mother my best skill is helping out in kids church.
It makes me sad in a way but the performing I am doing at the moment is challenging and powerful and I am happy to be putting my time in there rather than for a church.
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