“You have enough talent to do what you want”.
I have held onto these words for years. They were spoken to me by a director I respected and in my moments of doubt I hold fast to them.
However they aren’t the only words to have had a big impact on my life. More of those in a moment.
Last night I was feeling down. Questioning myself, questioning my ability as a writer, as an actor; questioning whether I’m someone anyone would actually like to be friends with. That may seem silly given my determination to pursue my dreams then again, given that I haven’t yet achieved financial success in either of those areas, maybe not. Not that I’m going to give up just yet.
So anyway back to those words. While I was trying to work my way out from the mire that can so easily pull me down, I was hit by a revelation.
I was once told…
“You do realize you are prickly, difficult to get to know, and that people find it hard to get close to you.” Or words to that effect.
Add to those words these facts : The tone was, I felt, one of - I was the one who needed to change to fit in with this group of people; the message was about how I fit with the women but was being relayed by men; these men were ministers, leaders in a church environment – surely it was there job to encourage and support me not tear me down.
Is it any wonder I still struggle with who I am? Is it any wonder I struggle with the institution of the church?
These people wanted me to fit in with them, to toe the party line. They wanted me to fit in with the status quo. I’m not really sure what I did to warrant their response, I suppose it had something to do with the fact that the women’s activities didn’t really appeal to me; that if I thought something was crap I’d generally say so; that there are times I don’t do surface well; and I don’t like wasting my time.
Whatever the reason/s, these are words that have never really left me. I remember them often but used to consider them annoying more than damaging. How wrong was I? People who were supposed to be friends basically told me that for anyone to like me I had to change who I was. Is it any wonder I get worried about if people will like me?
By no means am I perfect, I know sometimes people don’t appreciate brutal honesty, I know I can be tactless and I have some rough edges. I’m working on those, and on keeping my mouth shut. But I am who I am. My likes, desires, talents and interests are all part of the package. I am no more likely to prefer watching “Sex In The City” over “Peter’s Friends” than I am likely to start wearing makeup every time I step out of my house.
I am who I am: stubborn; gifted; weird; smart; deep; crazy; loving; crappy at housekeeping; passionate; slightly broader across the butt than I want to be; Me!
Be careful what you say, you may never know the impact of your words.
I have held onto these words for years. They were spoken to me by a director I respected and in my moments of doubt I hold fast to them.
However they aren’t the only words to have had a big impact on my life. More of those in a moment.
Last night I was feeling down. Questioning myself, questioning my ability as a writer, as an actor; questioning whether I’m someone anyone would actually like to be friends with. That may seem silly given my determination to pursue my dreams then again, given that I haven’t yet achieved financial success in either of those areas, maybe not. Not that I’m going to give up just yet.
So anyway back to those words. While I was trying to work my way out from the mire that can so easily pull me down, I was hit by a revelation.
I was once told…
“You do realize you are prickly, difficult to get to know, and that people find it hard to get close to you.” Or words to that effect.
Add to those words these facts : The tone was, I felt, one of - I was the one who needed to change to fit in with this group of people; the message was about how I fit with the women but was being relayed by men; these men were ministers, leaders in a church environment – surely it was there job to encourage and support me not tear me down.
Is it any wonder I still struggle with who I am? Is it any wonder I struggle with the institution of the church?
These people wanted me to fit in with them, to toe the party line. They wanted me to fit in with the status quo. I’m not really sure what I did to warrant their response, I suppose it had something to do with the fact that the women’s activities didn’t really appeal to me; that if I thought something was crap I’d generally say so; that there are times I don’t do surface well; and I don’t like wasting my time.
Whatever the reason/s, these are words that have never really left me. I remember them often but used to consider them annoying more than damaging. How wrong was I? People who were supposed to be friends basically told me that for anyone to like me I had to change who I was. Is it any wonder I get worried about if people will like me?
By no means am I perfect, I know sometimes people don’t appreciate brutal honesty, I know I can be tactless and I have some rough edges. I’m working on those, and on keeping my mouth shut. But I am who I am. My likes, desires, talents and interests are all part of the package. I am no more likely to prefer watching “Sex In The City” over “Peter’s Friends” than I am likely to start wearing makeup every time I step out of my house.
I am who I am: stubborn; gifted; weird; smart; deep; crazy; loving; crappy at housekeeping; passionate; slightly broader across the butt than I want to be; Me!
Be careful what you say, you may never know the impact of your words.
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