The other day someone wondered why I was considering leaving the church, and I ended up writing a rather lengthy response. I think it is well worth repeating my thoughts with a few additions here.
For me it's a culmination of many things. Repetitive services designed to be user friendly, they say if you want depth you'll attend a small group (it hasn't even been particularly relative to church size), if you can't do that because you have other commitments then too bad. Being used, hubby is a muso and if you say you'll help once or for a number of weeks it's assumed you will continue to, they may know he gets 2 or 3 hrs sleep before rocking up early to practice etc but they never understood that it meant he spends very little of sunday with his family. The assumption that I'm a mother so I'll be eager to help out in kids, to be honest I find other peoples kids a bit annoying at times. I struggle with the formulaic structure of the service - sing, communion, news, money, sermon, alter call. I understand the need for it but in many ways things have become so structured they are no longer fluid.
I designed a worship service once, based around the need for the musos to have a rest and have had it dismissed saying some of it may be useable - I think it was mostly because it was very different and contemplative, also there was no place for most of the usual structure. I won't deny it hurt to have it rejected, it was something I had put a lot of thought and prayer into but I've found that creative ministry simply isn't that creative, it has to fit into a very limited scope and if you suggest anything outside that it's not even really considered. For me as a creative person the end result has been why would I want to use my skills for church, church does so much in my field badly and I don't want to do that.
As for fellow-shipping outside church hours, there have been various times we've organised things only to have the church people agree to come and not show up, not even having the decency to call and let us know, or even apologise after the fact.
There's a lot there I know, and it has almost turned into an essay but it is the culmination of events that has bought me/us to this point. I'd like to say I'm not bitter, but neither are the experiences forgotten. We learn from our experiences and if we don't change what we do how can we expect to get different results (I forget who said that). So using this logic would I not be better off finding an alternative to organised religion?
There were plenty of responses and I have to say much encouragement. I enjoy the interaction with these people as they encourage me to think, and to push through. For me this interaction is invaluable. Where I struggle with the more traditional idea of church it's people like these, some of whom have been through or are going through similar valleys, that keep me going.
It's so important to realise that sometimes it's the small things, like being honest about what you feel, think or struggle with, that make it possible for others to come along side and remind you that your feelings or experiences aren't wrong, they just are. We all have our own road to travel and it's often the people that come alongside us as we do that give the journey it's value.
It goes back to that old saying, 'it's not the destination but the journey that matters'.
Hang in there, whoever you maybe, and know we can all do with a helping hand sometimes.
No comments:
Post a Comment