Suicide

It seems this week that there have been an abundance of youth suicides. A sentence that never should be written. I can’t name them but Ellen mentions some here.

The issue I want to talk about isn’t sexuality, it’s bullying. If I’m really honest I have to admit I’ve struggled with the idea of killing yourself because of being bullied. Partly, no probably mostly because I was teased and picked on a lot at school. Though I remember school being hell at times and I’m sure there were times it bought me to tears, it never once entered my head to kill myself.

Suicide is not a new topic of interest for me. When I was 15 I knew a girl who had tried or at least thought about it. I remember being totally appalled with the fact that this girl had come back to the hostel after a weekend at home with fresh cut marks on both her wrists and one of the adult supervisors saw them and did nothing. When I was at uni I researched the topic for a news story and received a lot of grief from my lecturer in front of my peers, deriding my concerns and idea and asking if I was going to ‘tell people how to kill themselves’.

Like I said earlier I was bullied but I took refuge in books and more often than not the fact that I was smarter than those who teased me gave me the grounds to mentally dismiss what they said. Don’t get me wrong it all left it’s mark and contributed to my period of self-harm, these issues I deal with in greater depth here.

Recently a point I heard or read somewhere finally really registered with me. Bullying is different now. I used to dismiss this but when I think about it I realise it is true. It is much harder to get away from now. In my day it pretty much didn’t leave the playground. Now mobile phones, social networking and the internet all mean that it can be with you 24/7 and it can be there for all the world to see.

It makes me so angry and it breaks my heart.

I struggle to understand how we let go of responsibility so much that an issue like this can spin out of control and reach such epic proportions.

One thing I know is that that kind of brutal behaviour would never have been tolerated in my house. If either of my parents had ever found out I’d done something like that, there would have been hell to pay in one way or another.

I’m not about to say any one thing is to blame here. Yes children can be cruel. Yes they copy behaviour modelled for them. Yes adults don’t always model respect. There is a strong acceptance of the idea that ‘it’s not my fault’ for things such as drugs, alcoholism, domestic abuse and flat out other criminal activities. Added to this the prevailing thought that greed very well may be good.

Things need to change. Irrespective of colour, creed, race, religion, eye colour, sex or sexuality, it is time we started to stand for the fact that we are all people. Different yes but that makes us no less deserving of a little basic respect.

Please hear my prayer, my plea – if you are bullied you need to know that you are not alone and you are worth something. Words may seem cheap in the midst of what can be overwhelming and all encompassing emotions but there is love and support for you. There are networks and groups (To Write Love On Her Arm, is just one). And mostly there are survivors. There is light somewhere ahead, please hang on.

And if you need to hear that from someone else :

“We're all worried, we're all in pain. That just comes with having eyes and having ears. But just remember one thing - it can't get any worse, it can only get better. High school is the bottom, being a teenager sucks, but that's the point, surviving it is the whole point... So just hang on and hang in there.” Mark Hunter (Christian Slater) Pump Up The Volume (1990)