Now I knew we would be getting toys, didn't like the idea but head office do so I knew there was nothing I could do about that. What I didn't realise at the the time was that my book lines would be getting cut in half. I'm a book person, I've made no secret about that but when I have to keep shrinking my book shelves and replacing entire bays with toys I can't help but see the end.
It all came to a head this week when I was left rather an abrupt note outlining what I needed to do, don't put toys in characters sections, don't have clocks in three places (though as yet we don't have a clock section) and so on. Actually I had two notes the first had such insulting things on it like if new toys come in fill up the gaps in the toy bay. Sadly I have to admit that the second note and instructions to put some toys on clip strips running down the walls pushed me over the edge, I went out the back and cried.
Seriously I cried. Now my personal choice would have been to scream, rant, swear and hit things, but Andy isn't there any more so those choices are no longer really an option. I was a bit disappointed with myself for crying over work, seriously what grown woman should be doing that? Admittedly one with a history of anger management problems and self-harm issues, but still.
Here's the thing though, and it wasn't till I'd ripped a few colleagues heads off that it came to me. I put my heart into building up that section and now they were pulling the heart out of it. I just need to keep reminding myself that what I have is simply a retail job and it pays my bills. Somehow I have to figure out how to not care about my work.
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