Another Rough Week

This week has been as rough as last week but for a totally different reason. Miss 3 has been sick. A high temperature, vomiting kind of sick. For 3 nights I had broken sleep due to the need to change sheets. With everything else that has been going on I have felt very picked on - that it's all very unfair.

I prayed and prayed and prayed that she would be fine and then her temperature would soar again and I would be cleaning up more vomit.

In that respect my faith took a bit of a hammering. My girl hadn't done anything to deserve being this sick and surely will all the messing around we've had to go through for what is considered a fairly routine operation she could surely be cut a break. It's totally not fair and I was feeling that I couldn't catch a break either. To be honest I feel in some way abandoned. Many have been healed, Christ even raised some from the dead. Why then could my baby not be healed of her fever?

I've tried and I've prayed and my faith feels a little shakier this week.

I want to believe. I want to hold on. But sometimes it's hard when you see others around you seem to have every little thing go right for them. They ask for healing and get it. They ask for __________ (fill in the gap) and they get it. Then they get to enjoy big holidays and job promotions, or even have people throw money at them so they can pursue their dreams.

Me I struggle. I want to believe. I have believed so much that God wanted us to do a certain thing that I have put my money on the line. yet we were never blessed like that.

In these moments it serves me well to remember those who are missing their children through no fault of their own; or those who have lost everything in fires, floods or quakes. No I'm not where I want to be and yes to be honest I'm pissed off that we still haven't achieved what we believe we are meant to do. But I do have a loving family, with a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs and food on our table. So that puts me in a pretty okay place.