Now I know I have your attention, unless you are trying not to read because you think maybe I’ve resorted to sleaziness. Well that’s not my intention but I always knew I was going to do at least one entry on sex, and today is an appropriate day to do it. Today marks the start of World Youth Day Celebrations.
I’m not catholic so why should I use this day to mark anything? It appears the event has come under scrutiny for refusing to hand out condoms. So are they right? It would be nice if there was an easy answer one way or another but like so many things in this world there just isn’t. Yes it is naïve to think that young people in a group that big aren’t having sex – I went to a national Christian youth event once and the one held previously to it supposedly saw eight girls go home pregnant. However if you advocate no sex before marriage and then hand out condoms aren’t you sending out mixed messages? So bottom line is I’m not sure either way is right.
And what about the responsibility of the parents? Before I left for uni my mother said ‘don’t be silly and have sex but if you do, use protection.’ It floored me, mostly because I didn’t expect to hear that coming from her. Especially as she knew I had no intention of sleeping around. Looking back on that advice I see something I didn’t really see then. I see her telling me that ‘sometimes things don’t go the way we think they will or hope they will but that’s okay I will still love you.’ Do I believe she would’ve supported me if I’d come home pregnant? Without question.
That advice though didn’t send me mixed messages. It was like saying you know what is right and I trust that you’ll do it but sometimes stuff-ups happen. See sex wasn’t a taboo topic in our house, my mother had hopes but she was realistic, she told me what she thought I needed to know and left me to make the decision.
My girls are only young but I know I’m going to have to have this conversation with them one day, I’d prefer later rather than sooner but with the way things are…Anyway maybe I should see this as my practice run.
Now girls don’t have sex before marriage!
It seems to me that even in a house with open lines of communication not much else was said, apart from you could get sick or pregnant. The underlying premise was that if you are going to be a good Christian you will save sex for marriage. No one ever gave a good reason for why. And you know I’m not so sure it’s even necessarily an issue of faith, maybe it’s more about wanting the best for yourself.
Why can I talk like this? That’s simple I didn’t keep my promise to myself. I didn’t have many partners but one is all it takes. I did learn a couple of things though, so maybe you can learn from me. First lesson is, in the words of Professor Moody ‘constant vigilance.’ You think you’ll always be in control and able to stop but that’s not always the case. I’m not talking about being forced, just the body’s reaction to hormones and chemicals. I’m not a believer in the theory that these things just happen, I believe you make choices that lead you to that place and I made some bad choices. Be aware of the direction your choices are taking you, and know once you start down a path it’s not always easy to stop.
Secondly for some reason I never heard that sex wasn’t just physical. When you get that close to someone you’re not just engaging them on a physical level, you’re engaging them on an emotional level as well. Of course I am speaking from the female perspective. I liked sex but I wasn’t sure it was all that. It seemed to me that something was missing. I supposed it could have been my imagination, I’ve never been accused of lacking in that area, and I wanted sex to be more. It wasn’t until I was with my husband that I knew something had been missing in my previous encounters. It hadn’t been my imagination.
Sex is a physical representation of the love and intimacy you have with another person. With the man I married that intimacy is so much deeper and more satisfying. Nothing needs to be held back, there’s no pressure. It is a place of vulnerability and safety, openness and being cherished. There is a deep connection when you know you are matched emotionally and yes even spiritually.
Sex is spoken of and portrayed as an act. We are taught the mechanics of it but nothing more. People use sex as currency, they devalue it, trade in it and use it for their own gratification. Some give it away because they want to feel loved or accepted. It doesn’t work because that was never what sex was meant to be. When we treat it as a physical act we may get momentary gratification but ultimately it doesn’t leave us with any permanent satisfaction. Sex isn’t the way we achieve the intimacy we so crave. Intimacy is more than that and sex is more than just the physical act.
So why wait till marriage for sex? Because sex is the ultimate physical expression of true intimacy. Sex works best when both of you are giving and when both of you are engaged in that deeper level. If you want sex to be the way it was meant to be then you’ll hang off until you are committed to someone special, someone who cares for you, knows you and values you. That’s my experience anyway.
I’m not catholic so why should I use this day to mark anything? It appears the event has come under scrutiny for refusing to hand out condoms. So are they right? It would be nice if there was an easy answer one way or another but like so many things in this world there just isn’t. Yes it is naïve to think that young people in a group that big aren’t having sex – I went to a national Christian youth event once and the one held previously to it supposedly saw eight girls go home pregnant. However if you advocate no sex before marriage and then hand out condoms aren’t you sending out mixed messages? So bottom line is I’m not sure either way is right.
And what about the responsibility of the parents? Before I left for uni my mother said ‘don’t be silly and have sex but if you do, use protection.’ It floored me, mostly because I didn’t expect to hear that coming from her. Especially as she knew I had no intention of sleeping around. Looking back on that advice I see something I didn’t really see then. I see her telling me that ‘sometimes things don’t go the way we think they will or hope they will but that’s okay I will still love you.’ Do I believe she would’ve supported me if I’d come home pregnant? Without question.
That advice though didn’t send me mixed messages. It was like saying you know what is right and I trust that you’ll do it but sometimes stuff-ups happen. See sex wasn’t a taboo topic in our house, my mother had hopes but she was realistic, she told me what she thought I needed to know and left me to make the decision.
My girls are only young but I know I’m going to have to have this conversation with them one day, I’d prefer later rather than sooner but with the way things are…Anyway maybe I should see this as my practice run.
Now girls don’t have sex before marriage!
It seems to me that even in a house with open lines of communication not much else was said, apart from you could get sick or pregnant. The underlying premise was that if you are going to be a good Christian you will save sex for marriage. No one ever gave a good reason for why. And you know I’m not so sure it’s even necessarily an issue of faith, maybe it’s more about wanting the best for yourself.
Why can I talk like this? That’s simple I didn’t keep my promise to myself. I didn’t have many partners but one is all it takes. I did learn a couple of things though, so maybe you can learn from me. First lesson is, in the words of Professor Moody ‘constant vigilance.’ You think you’ll always be in control and able to stop but that’s not always the case. I’m not talking about being forced, just the body’s reaction to hormones and chemicals. I’m not a believer in the theory that these things just happen, I believe you make choices that lead you to that place and I made some bad choices. Be aware of the direction your choices are taking you, and know once you start down a path it’s not always easy to stop.
Secondly for some reason I never heard that sex wasn’t just physical. When you get that close to someone you’re not just engaging them on a physical level, you’re engaging them on an emotional level as well. Of course I am speaking from the female perspective. I liked sex but I wasn’t sure it was all that. It seemed to me that something was missing. I supposed it could have been my imagination, I’ve never been accused of lacking in that area, and I wanted sex to be more. It wasn’t until I was with my husband that I knew something had been missing in my previous encounters. It hadn’t been my imagination.
Sex is a physical representation of the love and intimacy you have with another person. With the man I married that intimacy is so much deeper and more satisfying. Nothing needs to be held back, there’s no pressure. It is a place of vulnerability and safety, openness and being cherished. There is a deep connection when you know you are matched emotionally and yes even spiritually.
Sex is spoken of and portrayed as an act. We are taught the mechanics of it but nothing more. People use sex as currency, they devalue it, trade in it and use it for their own gratification. Some give it away because they want to feel loved or accepted. It doesn’t work because that was never what sex was meant to be. When we treat it as a physical act we may get momentary gratification but ultimately it doesn’t leave us with any permanent satisfaction. Sex isn’t the way we achieve the intimacy we so crave. Intimacy is more than that and sex is more than just the physical act.
So why wait till marriage for sex? Because sex is the ultimate physical expression of true intimacy. Sex works best when both of you are giving and when both of you are engaged in that deeper level. If you want sex to be the way it was meant to be then you’ll hang off until you are committed to someone special, someone who cares for you, knows you and values you. That’s my experience anyway.
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