Technology and Girls

SEXTING

I was listening to an interview with a sixteen year old girl the other day and I found it quite disturbing. It’s not the first I’ve heard of this topic nor is it likely to be the last. In fact I’m sure I’ve touched on this topic before, I’ve certainly ranted about it, however when one rants as much as I do there is no guarantee it actually makes it to my blog.

For those of you who don’t know what sexting is, basically it’s phone texting with sexual content – words or pictures.

It appears it’s becoming quite the thing to send naked or partially naked photos of yourself to members of the opposite sex. Though truthfully it’s more something I’ve heard of girls doing rather than guys but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen both ways.

For me sexting is a concern on several levels, not least being that when these kids are doing it, it is a form of child pornography and therefore illegal. Another thing that worries me is this is yet another area fraught with sexual harassment issues, not just among kids either.

Something else these kids can’t seem to get their heads around is the fact that once it’s out there, committed to the digital ether, they have no control over it. The person they sent it too may say it’s just between them but what’s stopping them forwarding it to their mates and so on. If this happens in a school environment it could be moments before the whole school has seen the picture. The repercussions are scary to contemplate; teasing, humiliation, the message it sends to people about what you will do (even if you won’t), and the damage it can do to someone’s self-esteem. Not to mention the fact that picture could still be out there where you are 25 and looking for work – ‘oops sorry we can’t hire someone with a history like that’. Or even worse some slimy, sleaze (and no they aren’t all middle aged and older, there are plenty of sleazy guys much younger than that around) could find it and try and cyber stalk you.

Which brings me to my question. Why do it? Consenting adults spicing up their sex lives I can understand, though that too comes with risks. At 12, 14, and 16 though? Really what’s the point? What’s the need? I’m assuming it is in part the cyber generation’s contribution to screwing around. Yet another way for a young woman to trick herself into thinking someone really cares for her.

I’m not going to pooh-pooh sex. Not even my mother or grandmother did that, sex outside a committed relationship was another matter. Sex absolutely has a place in a relationship, just not at such a young age. No I’m not being naïve, I know they do and I know they think they are old enough, I just believe they’re not. I’ve seen so many people (and not all teenagers) mistake sex for love. Sex isn’t how you feel loved. Giving all of yourself to somebody like that isn’t going to make you feel loved for more than the moment, it’s not going to make everything alright, and sex will not complete you. And sexting is exactly the same. You being a whole person, acceptable and loveable isn’t reliant on your willingness to flash your boobs around cyberspace.

Please girls think more highly of your selves than that. You are worth much more. You deserve better than someone who wants or expects that from you.

MYSPACE

Now I’m moving on from sexting to Myspace. I’m not against social networking, I’ve cruised Myspace and I Facebook. It keeps me in touch with friends in other countries, even friends I’ve made on-line. It is also a useful way to keep track of my theatre and film friends and find out who has what show or project going. So I find it useful, if not somewhat time wasting (particularly when I play games).

However unless it’s someone I know personally I know there is no guarantee what I see on a profile page is true. There is no way to police that an uploaded profile picture is of the person who’s profile it is. You just have to say you have the right to upload the picture, if you’re fabricating a profile you’re not going to be concerned about lying about that. A profile is simply not that difficult to fake.

The young girl from the sexting interview believed she could tell what people were really like from their Myspace profiles. She believed she had a system and that certain things show someone to be honest or not. Surely if she can think that then so can the person making up the page. Not all predators are stupid. It would make our lives as parents so much easier if they were.

The sad but simple truth is that people lie. Predators LIE! Twenty year old boys hooking up with fourteen year old girls on-line, tell them they are beautiful and that they’ve fallen in love with them and could they please send an intimate picture or hook up someplace – LIE! Sad, sick, perverted, twisted people LIE! Guys that want girls to put out – LIE! Cyberspace just makes it that much easier. It may be connected but that doesn’t mean we are honestly connected. It is easy to pretend in cyberspace.

Please girls stop lying to yourselves about what you are doing and what could happen. By all means embrace technology but do it wisely. Be careful what you put out there because you never know what you’ll attract back. Be honest with an adult you trust and never mistake intimate suggestions or conversations with love.

Great, true love is possible but remember that Romeo and Juliet ended in tragedy. Don’t follow in their footsteps. Be wise in your search and value yourself. If you don’t why should anyone else.