The year that followed was a rough one for Rachel. She didn’t care about anything much, especially school work, and her parents chose this year to try to get her to apply herself, little realising it was way too late for that. The years of abuse and neglect had done their job, as far as Rachel was concerned her parents were parents in name only.
She had been sneaking out since she was twelve and they had never stopped her, in fact they had never even noticed as far as she could tell. Her parents had never given her a curfew. They’d tried grounding her a couple of times but being as they were seldom home she’d just walk out the front door making sure she was back before they were. Her dad had tried to discipline her once by taking her stereo but that made no difference because she just listened instead to music on her computer.
Rachel was convinced her parents had no idea about what was going on in her life. Not that it mattered because to her mind they had given up the right to know years earlier. She didn’t respect them and she felt no obligation to. She also knew they wouldn’t kick her out because it wouldn’t look good and appearances were everything.
There were many arguments that year. Rachel didn’t appreciate her parents trying to force their way back into her life after so many years of neglect. There was a particularly nasty one where her mother had been getting on her case about homework again, and somehow it led to the truth finally surfacing.
“You need to apply yourself young lady or you will find yourself in some dead-end job, that is if anyone will employ you, your attitude is terrible.”
“Says who?” asked Rachel.
“Says I,” retorted her mother. “I don’t know what has happened to you but I know you are smarter than this.” She sat down on Rachel’s bed.
“How would you know?”
“I know what your report cards are saying.”
“So? Since when did you care?”
“We wouldn’t be having this argument if I didn’t care.”
“Fine let’s stop talking then.” Rachel got up to leave.
“Don’t you walk away from me.” She stood and went to grab Rachel’s arm.
Rachel spun to face her. “You know mum, you have never cared about anything that wasn’t image or work related.”
“That is not true.”
“Really? Well you would think if you cared about me even a little bit you would know I’d been raped,” Rachel practically spat at her mother.
Rachel’s mum’s mouth opened but nothing came out. Rachel stared at her for a few moments. When it became obvious her mother wasn’t going to say anything else Rachel picked up her jacket and left. Her mother was waiting for her when she got home the following morning. Sitting at the kitchen table, staring at the door, holding an almost empty coffee cup.
“I think we need to talk about what was said last night.”
“Well I don’t want to talk about it.”
“But honey something this…” the words tailed off. Her mum paused, took a big breath and tried again. “You should have told me.”
Rachel couldn’t believe it. “I tried mother. The day after it happened the first time in fact but you didn’t have time for me. If I remember correctly you told me to try and ignore it, because after all boys will be boys.”
“I would never have said that.”
“But you did.”
“Just a minute,” Rachel’s mum interrupted. “The first time?”
Rachel ignored her and continued. “I so desperately wanted you to come,” it all came spewing out in a torrent of words, “and take me away from Aunty Lena and Uncle Jim’s but you had more important things to do than listen to your ten year old daughter’s problems. You had a taxi to catch. I knew from that moment on that I wasn’t important to you. You never asked me about that holiday, about what was bothering me, and you kept sending me back. Every year I protested and every year it was the same thing, ‘spending some time on the farm will be good for you’. Well it wasn’t.”
“Honey I’m afraid you’ve lost me.”
“Can’t you figure it out? It’s not really all that hard.”
“Rachel what are you talking about? One minute we were discussing…well you know.”
“Say it mother, rape.” Rachel’s frustration was getting the better of her.
“Yes that, and the next you’re talking about Lena, Jim and the farm. I don’t understand.”
“Fine if you are going to be so stupid about it then let me spell it out for you. T R E V O R.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. You can’t possibly mean what you just said.”
“Why not?” Rachel was almost shouting at her mother.
“Well he’s your cousin.”
“So what?”
“You must be confused, that’s all, calm down and we’ll sort this out.”
“There is nothing to sort out.”
“Trevor is such a level headed guy.”
“Are you saying it never happened, that I made it all up just for fun?”
“No. No of course not, I just think that maybe you’ve gotten your cousin confused with whomever it was that did this to you.”
Rachel stood up. She was tired and angry with her mother for bringing all this up. And the raw emotion combined with her mother’s disbelief was beginning to take its toll. “Sure mum. That is exactly what happened. Like I can’t possibly remember who it was who did this to me, repeatedly.” Rachel turned around and left the house, she couldn’t handle being there and being treated like that.
Rachel stayed away for two days after that fight. Her mother only tried opening the subject up with her once more. Rachel just walked away. She figured if her mother really wanted to know the truth or better yet, actually believed her, then she would’ve been more insistent. Her mother’s stubborn refusal to take Rachel at her word only reinforced the belief that her parents really didn’t place much priority on her needs or problems.
When her mother told her of the date she needed to book the bus ticket to the farm, Rachel thought it was a nasty joke. There was no way her mother could’ve completely erased that big fight from her mind. Rachel knew her mother wouldn’t admit to believing her but she’d been sure some part of her must have been willing to contemplate the possibility. Obviously she’d been wrong. There was no way she was going back there, even if her mother was living in denial, no matter what her parents wanted.
She had finally gotten the chance to tell her mum the truth and it had been completely ignored. Even though she would’ve said her mother’s response didn’t surprise her, the truth was it still hurt deeply. With everything her parents had done part of her still wanted their love and their support.
Rachel tried convincing her parents she was old enough to stay by herself. They didn’t agree. Then she said she would make plans to stay with a friend. Her parents again said no, adding that they didn’t trust her, and her attitude over the course of the last few months hadn’t given them any reason to do so. She tried everything she could think of to get out of going to the farm but her parents still insisted.
So Rachel decided to leave home. Instead of getting a bus ticket to the town nearest to the farm, Rachel booked one to the city. She’d been thinking of leaving anyway, and figured her parents probably wouldn’t notice. She hadn’t thought they would send her to the farm this year, even without having told her mum about Trevor. She really thought they would agree to let her stay home by herself. It would’ve meant she’d have had two weeks head start while her parents were on holiday. When it became obvious that that wasn’t going to happen, Rachel adapted her plan, she didn’t drop the idea completely because the way she figured it the holidays were still her best chance of getting away unnoticed.
She had been saving all year, ever since she’d got back from the farm the last time. She’d also managed to supplement her work savings by stealing from her parents. Sometimes she asked them outright for cash and sometimes she just took it. She had put aside quite a lot of money, her bank account read a healthy $3792.84 and she had an extra $1950 in cash hidden in a couple of pair of socks she didn’t wear.
While the other kids at school were planning their summer holidays Rachel was planning her big escape. She didn’t see it so much as running away from home as leaving a harmful environment. Her life had become a game of survival of the fittest and she was determined to survive.
She had her deadline, the date set by her parents, and she had her finances sorted out. By using the internet so thoughtfully provided by her parents as a study aid Rachel made up a list of the cheapest half a dozen backpackers she could find. She prepared as much as she could, determined not to be tripped up by silly little mistakes.
When it came time to pack she had to do so very carefully. She couldn’t take too much or it would make her parents suspicious, after all she was only supposed to be going away for two weeks. Knowing she had quite a bit of money made things a little easier because she knew she would be able to buy the things she needed but couldn’t fit in. She didn’t want to rely on that though because she had no idea how long she would need to survive on money she had.
She had been sneaking out since she was twelve and they had never stopped her, in fact they had never even noticed as far as she could tell. Her parents had never given her a curfew. They’d tried grounding her a couple of times but being as they were seldom home she’d just walk out the front door making sure she was back before they were. Her dad had tried to discipline her once by taking her stereo but that made no difference because she just listened instead to music on her computer.
Rachel was convinced her parents had no idea about what was going on in her life. Not that it mattered because to her mind they had given up the right to know years earlier. She didn’t respect them and she felt no obligation to. She also knew they wouldn’t kick her out because it wouldn’t look good and appearances were everything.
There were many arguments that year. Rachel didn’t appreciate her parents trying to force their way back into her life after so many years of neglect. There was a particularly nasty one where her mother had been getting on her case about homework again, and somehow it led to the truth finally surfacing.
“You need to apply yourself young lady or you will find yourself in some dead-end job, that is if anyone will employ you, your attitude is terrible.”
“Says who?” asked Rachel.
“Says I,” retorted her mother. “I don’t know what has happened to you but I know you are smarter than this.” She sat down on Rachel’s bed.
“How would you know?”
“I know what your report cards are saying.”
“So? Since when did you care?”
“We wouldn’t be having this argument if I didn’t care.”
“Fine let’s stop talking then.” Rachel got up to leave.
“Don’t you walk away from me.” She stood and went to grab Rachel’s arm.
Rachel spun to face her. “You know mum, you have never cared about anything that wasn’t image or work related.”
“That is not true.”
“Really? Well you would think if you cared about me even a little bit you would know I’d been raped,” Rachel practically spat at her mother.
Rachel’s mum’s mouth opened but nothing came out. Rachel stared at her for a few moments. When it became obvious her mother wasn’t going to say anything else Rachel picked up her jacket and left. Her mother was waiting for her when she got home the following morning. Sitting at the kitchen table, staring at the door, holding an almost empty coffee cup.
“I think we need to talk about what was said last night.”
“Well I don’t want to talk about it.”
“But honey something this…” the words tailed off. Her mum paused, took a big breath and tried again. “You should have told me.”
Rachel couldn’t believe it. “I tried mother. The day after it happened the first time in fact but you didn’t have time for me. If I remember correctly you told me to try and ignore it, because after all boys will be boys.”
“I would never have said that.”
“But you did.”
“Just a minute,” Rachel’s mum interrupted. “The first time?”
Rachel ignored her and continued. “I so desperately wanted you to come,” it all came spewing out in a torrent of words, “and take me away from Aunty Lena and Uncle Jim’s but you had more important things to do than listen to your ten year old daughter’s problems. You had a taxi to catch. I knew from that moment on that I wasn’t important to you. You never asked me about that holiday, about what was bothering me, and you kept sending me back. Every year I protested and every year it was the same thing, ‘spending some time on the farm will be good for you’. Well it wasn’t.”
“Honey I’m afraid you’ve lost me.”
“Can’t you figure it out? It’s not really all that hard.”
“Rachel what are you talking about? One minute we were discussing…well you know.”
“Say it mother, rape.” Rachel’s frustration was getting the better of her.
“Yes that, and the next you’re talking about Lena, Jim and the farm. I don’t understand.”
“Fine if you are going to be so stupid about it then let me spell it out for you. T R E V O R.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. You can’t possibly mean what you just said.”
“Why not?” Rachel was almost shouting at her mother.
“Well he’s your cousin.”
“So what?”
“You must be confused, that’s all, calm down and we’ll sort this out.”
“There is nothing to sort out.”
“Trevor is such a level headed guy.”
“Are you saying it never happened, that I made it all up just for fun?”
“No. No of course not, I just think that maybe you’ve gotten your cousin confused with whomever it was that did this to you.”
Rachel stood up. She was tired and angry with her mother for bringing all this up. And the raw emotion combined with her mother’s disbelief was beginning to take its toll. “Sure mum. That is exactly what happened. Like I can’t possibly remember who it was who did this to me, repeatedly.” Rachel turned around and left the house, she couldn’t handle being there and being treated like that.
Rachel stayed away for two days after that fight. Her mother only tried opening the subject up with her once more. Rachel just walked away. She figured if her mother really wanted to know the truth or better yet, actually believed her, then she would’ve been more insistent. Her mother’s stubborn refusal to take Rachel at her word only reinforced the belief that her parents really didn’t place much priority on her needs or problems.
When her mother told her of the date she needed to book the bus ticket to the farm, Rachel thought it was a nasty joke. There was no way her mother could’ve completely erased that big fight from her mind. Rachel knew her mother wouldn’t admit to believing her but she’d been sure some part of her must have been willing to contemplate the possibility. Obviously she’d been wrong. There was no way she was going back there, even if her mother was living in denial, no matter what her parents wanted.
She had finally gotten the chance to tell her mum the truth and it had been completely ignored. Even though she would’ve said her mother’s response didn’t surprise her, the truth was it still hurt deeply. With everything her parents had done part of her still wanted their love and their support.
Rachel tried convincing her parents she was old enough to stay by herself. They didn’t agree. Then she said she would make plans to stay with a friend. Her parents again said no, adding that they didn’t trust her, and her attitude over the course of the last few months hadn’t given them any reason to do so. She tried everything she could think of to get out of going to the farm but her parents still insisted.
So Rachel decided to leave home. Instead of getting a bus ticket to the town nearest to the farm, Rachel booked one to the city. She’d been thinking of leaving anyway, and figured her parents probably wouldn’t notice. She hadn’t thought they would send her to the farm this year, even without having told her mum about Trevor. She really thought they would agree to let her stay home by herself. It would’ve meant she’d have had two weeks head start while her parents were on holiday. When it became obvious that that wasn’t going to happen, Rachel adapted her plan, she didn’t drop the idea completely because the way she figured it the holidays were still her best chance of getting away unnoticed.
She had been saving all year, ever since she’d got back from the farm the last time. She’d also managed to supplement her work savings by stealing from her parents. Sometimes she asked them outright for cash and sometimes she just took it. She had put aside quite a lot of money, her bank account read a healthy $3792.84 and she had an extra $1950 in cash hidden in a couple of pair of socks she didn’t wear.
While the other kids at school were planning their summer holidays Rachel was planning her big escape. She didn’t see it so much as running away from home as leaving a harmful environment. Her life had become a game of survival of the fittest and she was determined to survive.
She had her deadline, the date set by her parents, and she had her finances sorted out. By using the internet so thoughtfully provided by her parents as a study aid Rachel made up a list of the cheapest half a dozen backpackers she could find. She prepared as much as she could, determined not to be tripped up by silly little mistakes.
When it came time to pack she had to do so very carefully. She couldn’t take too much or it would make her parents suspicious, after all she was only supposed to be going away for two weeks. Knowing she had quite a bit of money made things a little easier because she knew she would be able to buy the things she needed but couldn’t fit in. She didn’t want to rely on that though because she had no idea how long she would need to survive on money she had.
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