Motherhood is on my mind at the moment. We have a beautiful little girl who is in pre-primary and our baby is about to turn one. I love my children with the most amazing love but you know what? Motherhood isn’t something that I feel has come easy to me. I always expected to have kids and yes I wanted them but when our first daughter arrived I discovered something about myself. In fact I discovered a lot about myself, but the thing I want to focus on is the fact that motherhood didn’t seem to make me glow. I didn’t resent my daughter, I didn’t suffer from postnatal depression but I also didn’t want to devote my all to my family. Why I thought I had to I couldn’t say, maybe some people do and maybe something in my mind said that’s what was supposed to happen when you became a mother. Well it didn’t. I must admit that over time there were things I saw other mothers do that made me wonder if there was something wrong with me because I didn’t have the desire to do them. In the end I simply came to the conclusion that I still had a life to live. I had a job before I had our daughter but it wasn’t a career so going back to work wasn’t a big thing for me, in fact I loved being a stay at home mum, I just needed other things to do as well.
Motherhood changes you, it should change all parents but for me it didn’t make my life complete. It didn’t seem to come naturally to me as it did to others. It wasn’t that our daughter was a problem child, though she didn’t seem to need to sleep as much as other babies – always wanting to be involved, but it didn’t take me long to realise I needed space. Just a little time where I could still be involved in the activities I enjoyed before she came along. I was, and still am, very fortunate to have a husband who understood that and was more than willing to take over when I needed to get out. Also I had siblings willing to baby-sit when the need arose.
I got back on the stage when my daughter was three months old. I’m sure, in fact I know some people didn’t understand it but for me that time allowed me to be a better parent when I was with her. It helped me recharge.
As mothers we all hear the greatest call of womanhood is to be a mother, the thing is so often it stops there and people don’t want to know if you’ve got anything else to offer. I just want to say here that mothers have a lot to offer. Sure we’re responsible for raising our kids, both parents should be – though reality is far from that ideal. Teaching manners, discipline, ethics, morals, life skills, it’s a long term lifestyle choice and a worthy one but you know not all mothers are the mothering stereotype. Don’t misunderstand me, parents need to be parents, I think trying to be your child’s friend instead is a dangerous thing, but being a mother doesn’t stop you being the person you were before (hopefully though it changed some bad habits if you had them).
Motherhood in the church isn’t quite the same as in general society, society is accepting the fact women are still multifaceted after they have children however it doesn’t always feel that way with the church. Or at least it hasn’t for me. This isn’t necessarily a deliberate or even conscious thing. It could very well be unspoken influence and pressure from previous generations, it could be just mostly in my mind. We have gone to churches where my husband, being a musician, is asked to join the music team and it just gets assumed that I will do kids ministry. Here’s a news flash for you, I’m not that great with other people’s kids. But you know what, I’m okay with that. Now. For a while I felt I should want to do it and be happy to do it, after all that’s what mothers do. But I don’t. I will help out because I am a parent and kids ministry often needs people to do that but please don’t expect, or ask, me to be a leader. Don’t just assume that’s where I belong, take the time to find out where I fit. If the church is a body (1 Cor 12:12-30) then we need to remember that there are many things that make up a body, not everyone is an eye.
Motherhood is a big commitment, one no-one should enter into lightly – sadly many do. It’s a lifetime thing but we need to remember children change our lives, add to them, they don’t stop them.
I’m glad I chose to be a stay at home mum even though it hasn’t always been easy, and although I’m a mother I know God has a call on my life as an individual. I am responsible for being the best mother I can but that is not all I have to offer. We all need to allow ourselves the permission to say to ourselves that ‘it’s alright for me to define myself and find value apart from motherhood.’ God calls us to different things; teachers, intercessors, counsellors, friends, the list is endless. He has gifted us all differently. I’m not talking down motherhood, I simply want to let you know that it’s okay to not match up to the ideal you may have had. It’s okay to be a mother and still want to pursue your other God given paths.
Look at Proverbs 31.
Sometimes we interpret that chapter as meaning we can have our cake and eat it too. Well for most of us it’s not that simple. Having a family means you learn to adjust and compromise and unfortunately we put ourselves last – it’s common to hear or read about how we need to learn to put ourselves first occasionally so we are able to give out. If you are empty you have nothing to give. I think a lot us know that we’re just not so good at doing it.
But back to Proverbs 31.
This woman has a family, a husband and a business (a couple in fact), she looks after the house and is a godly woman. I look at all the things she does and I wonder how she finds the time, just thinking about all of that exhausts me. I’d like to think though that through this chapter God is letting us know that all of these things are possible for us. Not all of us will have all of them and we shouldn’t expect to, but all things are possible, we don’t need to feel limited in our hopes and goals for our lives.
In western society women are far less oppressed than in other societies and that is due to the women who came before us, who fought for the rights and freedom we experience today. It’s also worth noting that right from the beginning God gave women an important place in society. God created women not as slaves but as an ezer kenegdo – which has mostly been translated to mean helper but according to ‘Captivating’ by John and Stasi Eldredge a better translation would be ezer – lifesaver and kenegdo – alongside/counterpart. Now doesn’t that sound a lot more powerful. God created women to be lifesaving counterparts, we are not an afterthought or a second class citizen. Right from the beginning God empowered women. We need to turn to him as our God and Saviour, our King and ask what is it you want me to do? Then we need to listen to what he says. We don’t need to hide our light. Our God calls us to shine, to be the best mother’s yes but also the best women, best daughters of the king we can be.
You are loved, you are valued, you are called.
Motherhood changes you, it should change all parents but for me it didn’t make my life complete. It didn’t seem to come naturally to me as it did to others. It wasn’t that our daughter was a problem child, though she didn’t seem to need to sleep as much as other babies – always wanting to be involved, but it didn’t take me long to realise I needed space. Just a little time where I could still be involved in the activities I enjoyed before she came along. I was, and still am, very fortunate to have a husband who understood that and was more than willing to take over when I needed to get out. Also I had siblings willing to baby-sit when the need arose.
I got back on the stage when my daughter was three months old. I’m sure, in fact I know some people didn’t understand it but for me that time allowed me to be a better parent when I was with her. It helped me recharge.
As mothers we all hear the greatest call of womanhood is to be a mother, the thing is so often it stops there and people don’t want to know if you’ve got anything else to offer. I just want to say here that mothers have a lot to offer. Sure we’re responsible for raising our kids, both parents should be – though reality is far from that ideal. Teaching manners, discipline, ethics, morals, life skills, it’s a long term lifestyle choice and a worthy one but you know not all mothers are the mothering stereotype. Don’t misunderstand me, parents need to be parents, I think trying to be your child’s friend instead is a dangerous thing, but being a mother doesn’t stop you being the person you were before (hopefully though it changed some bad habits if you had them).
Motherhood in the church isn’t quite the same as in general society, society is accepting the fact women are still multifaceted after they have children however it doesn’t always feel that way with the church. Or at least it hasn’t for me. This isn’t necessarily a deliberate or even conscious thing. It could very well be unspoken influence and pressure from previous generations, it could be just mostly in my mind. We have gone to churches where my husband, being a musician, is asked to join the music team and it just gets assumed that I will do kids ministry. Here’s a news flash for you, I’m not that great with other people’s kids. But you know what, I’m okay with that. Now. For a while I felt I should want to do it and be happy to do it, after all that’s what mothers do. But I don’t. I will help out because I am a parent and kids ministry often needs people to do that but please don’t expect, or ask, me to be a leader. Don’t just assume that’s where I belong, take the time to find out where I fit. If the church is a body (1 Cor 12:12-30) then we need to remember that there are many things that make up a body, not everyone is an eye.
Motherhood is a big commitment, one no-one should enter into lightly – sadly many do. It’s a lifetime thing but we need to remember children change our lives, add to them, they don’t stop them.
I’m glad I chose to be a stay at home mum even though it hasn’t always been easy, and although I’m a mother I know God has a call on my life as an individual. I am responsible for being the best mother I can but that is not all I have to offer. We all need to allow ourselves the permission to say to ourselves that ‘it’s alright for me to define myself and find value apart from motherhood.’ God calls us to different things; teachers, intercessors, counsellors, friends, the list is endless. He has gifted us all differently. I’m not talking down motherhood, I simply want to let you know that it’s okay to not match up to the ideal you may have had. It’s okay to be a mother and still want to pursue your other God given paths.
Look at Proverbs 31.
Sometimes we interpret that chapter as meaning we can have our cake and eat it too. Well for most of us it’s not that simple. Having a family means you learn to adjust and compromise and unfortunately we put ourselves last – it’s common to hear or read about how we need to learn to put ourselves first occasionally so we are able to give out. If you are empty you have nothing to give. I think a lot us know that we’re just not so good at doing it.
But back to Proverbs 31.
This woman has a family, a husband and a business (a couple in fact), she looks after the house and is a godly woman. I look at all the things she does and I wonder how she finds the time, just thinking about all of that exhausts me. I’d like to think though that through this chapter God is letting us know that all of these things are possible for us. Not all of us will have all of them and we shouldn’t expect to, but all things are possible, we don’t need to feel limited in our hopes and goals for our lives.
In western society women are far less oppressed than in other societies and that is due to the women who came before us, who fought for the rights and freedom we experience today. It’s also worth noting that right from the beginning God gave women an important place in society. God created women not as slaves but as an ezer kenegdo – which has mostly been translated to mean helper but according to ‘Captivating’ by John and Stasi Eldredge a better translation would be ezer – lifesaver and kenegdo – alongside/counterpart. Now doesn’t that sound a lot more powerful. God created women to be lifesaving counterparts, we are not an afterthought or a second class citizen. Right from the beginning God empowered women. We need to turn to him as our God and Saviour, our King and ask what is it you want me to do? Then we need to listen to what he says. We don’t need to hide our light. Our God calls us to shine, to be the best mother’s yes but also the best women, best daughters of the king we can be.
You are loved, you are valued, you are called.
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